Hi Dr. Queerlove,
I'm sort of new to hooking up with guys. I've fooled around with a few and have never done anything anal. However, I am ready to take that next step with this guy I'm seeing and wondering, if I'm bottoming, is there anything I should be doing beforehand to "prepare the way". What I mean is, should I be douching? And for that matter, what exactly is douching? I feel embarrassed and stupid asking such questions, but I don't want to end up in an even more embarrassing situation with my guy friend.
Please give me some direction.
Sincerely,
Taking the plunger
For Dr. Q's advice, follow the JUMP:
Plunger, I’m excited for you to pop that anal cherry. Good times! And you are far from stupid. Tons of guys want to know this information and are too embarrassed to ask (so they end up being “exclusive tops”). I’m glad you wrote to the doctor, because there definitely are some things you should know before you decide to let someone ride down your Hershey Highway. I’m going to go beyond just douching and break it down into preparation, sanitation and penetration.
The first thing you should do is check out your ass. Like, for realzies. Bend over in front of a mirror or get on your back and spread those bad boys so you can get a close look at your virgin rosebud. Look for things like hemorrhoids and anal fissures, which can increase the risk of STD’s and will cause serious pain upon penetration. If you happen to have either, I advise holding off until they’ve healed.
If you’re all clear, spend some time playing with your hole! It’s super fun. Finger yourself a few times. Go slow and use lube (for masturbating I suggest silicon based, which stays slick longer). Think about purchasing a small toy (perhaps these) you can use at home to warm up.
Once you’re ready for the deed, a critical component of preparation is sanitation so that, as your question suggests, you don’t have any dookie surprises. To clarify, douching is a process that uses a liquid (usually water) to clean out a body cavity. There are many ways to douche, but for an anal cleaning (i.e. an enema) do not purchase women’s douching products which sometimes have chemicals (you don’t need your ass to smell like a flower garden). The first thing I want you to realize is that anyone who fucks someone in the ass needs to accept that, no matter how douched someone is, sometimes shit happens. Don’t kill yourself going through extreme measures which are often times unnecessary.
If you want to explore some serious douching devices, try shower attachment options like a Streem Master or other similar kits. I find that a simple saline enema is really all you need, and you can get a twin pack at CVS for two bucks! Lie on your side and empty one bottle of the solution into your manhole, which will induce a bowel movement. After two minutes you’ll want to explode, but try to hold it for five, then let it out (preferably into a toilet). Personally, I refill the bottle with lukewarm water and repeat once or twice to flush out any random left behinds. This whole process should take about 15-20 minutes. Then I’d suggest a quick shower so you can soap off. You’re now ready to be rimmed and rammed!!
And it’s important you do it in that order! Especially for a first time bottom, your partner needs to spend time relaxing your hole by playing with it, fingering, and (Dr. Q’s all-time favorite activity) rimming. As the wise 20 Fingers once said, you gotta lick before you kick it. This will help you feel comfortable and at ease, which is critical. Initial penetration will hurt, but it doesn’t have to be traumatic. Your top should go slow and use a lot of lube (during sex, use water-based lube [and condoms, obvi]). While he is slowly pushing in, you should stay relaxed, breathe and push out with your sphincter (like you’re taking a poop). It will alleviate some of the initial discomfort. You do not need to take drugs like poppers to help you. Trust me, if you take it slow and remain at ease, you’ll be asking him to pound you hard before you know it.
Let your man know it’s your first time bottoming. Any decent guy will be gentle with you, and they’ll probably be really turned on by it, which should make for a great suck and fuck.
Need advice on the best ways to munch and mount? Email the doctor at Queerlove@manhunt.net for your prescribed dose of reality.
DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a Ph.D. in Greek Mythology. So if you follow his advice and end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling you right here that you can’t.









