Hey Dr. Queerlove,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 9 months (he’s 23 and I’m 19). Things were great at first, then we started arguing. He loves going out, which I usually don’t have a problem with it until recently. He’s been going out with people that I’ve never met and when he’s with them, he never answers his phone. Late one night, after coming home from going out and while he was showering, he received a text message from “John the bartender” saying “Last night was great” and that he was a “great fuck.” I was furious and stormed out of his apartment feeling angry and sad. He told me it was a joke played by one of his friends. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and took him back. Now, before this whole text message incident, I caught him posting on craigslist several times. Additionally, for Valentine’s Day he accepted very expensive gifts from his “friend” who he knows is in love with him. He has told me he doesn’t have feelings for this friend, and that the craigslist ads were taken down.
Well this past 4th of July weekend, we were supposed to spend the weekend together. I got tickets for us to watch Blue Man Group. He told me he had to work all weekend and had to cancel. Then I see on his Facebook that he left for Fire Island (NY) the night before. Every time I called him his phone went straight to voicemail. He promised that he would spend the holiday with me.
Several people have told me to “kick the loser to the curb”. Those same people have told me that he frequently makes out with guys at clubs. To make matters worse, while searching online I found his X-tube page, including a video he recently created… in my underwear. Jerking off and spreading his hole for everyone to see.
When he got home from Fire Island he said he was sorry, that he just really wanted to spend the weekend with his friends. I really want to accept his apology, but am I being stupid? How many times must I forgive him? I love him, but I don’t know if I can trust him. My heart says give him another chance; maybe he will change. However, my head is telling me to dump him and move on with my life. I’m really torn. What should I do, doc?
Desperately in Love
For Doctor Queerlove's advice, follow the JUMP:
Self-respect is powerful and quintessentially important to living a good life. Because lack of self-respect can make you do some stupid, desperate, pathetic shit. You, DIL, have no self-respect. Anyone who would stick around after that text message (which happened after the Craigslist postings) is asking for it. I really try to be understanding of my readers’ and their situations, but you have got to be fucking kidding me here.
“What should I do?” You should look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you want to be. A wuss, with a boyfriend who repeatedly insults your intelligence and integrity (because you let him); your friends talking pitiably about you when you’re not there; that fantasy in your head of when he may someday change being the best it’ll ever get (which b-t-dubs, will never happen. He will leave you when he gets tired of you.). OR do you want to be a man? Take responsibility for the fact that you’ve allowed this festering turd of a relationship to skid mark your life and move on. Stand straight and decide that no one will ever again treat you like you’re stupid, with the self-esteem of a cum bucket.
You love this guy, yet failed to mention one single redeeming quality about him (except that he stood you up for Blue Man Group; no self-respecting person would actually watch that). Are you in love with him or afraid of being single. I find people often confuse the two.
I won’t justify the absurd and pitiful nature of your situation with an actual response on what you should do. You know what you should do. Sadly, I think we all know what you will do.
Need a smack-down of tough love? Doc’s got the gloves off. Bring it! Queerlove@manhunt.net Let’s get your shit straightened out.
DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a Ph.D. in Jackson Family Genealogy. So if you follow his advice and end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling you right here that you can’t.
