As far as we know, the headline above isn’t a joke. It’s what happens when runners Tyson Gay and Walter Dix compete against one another. We know this isn’t the first time something like this has occurred, but this seriously takes it to a whole other level.

To make matters even more hilarious, we encourage you to consider this quote from Tyson Gay out of context: “It wasn’t bad, but I was a little fatigued toward the end. I tried to stay relaxed and bring it home, but it wasn’t enough.” Sounds like my first time bottoming! Though his first time was a bit rough, we’re sure it won’t be too long before Tyson learns to love succumbing to Dix…

In other sports news, Caster Semenya has been cleared to race against other women! You may recall the ongoing saga, in which the South African champion was embarrassingly subjected to a “gender test”. Though details as to whether she underwent any medical procedures or treatments have been kept confidential, the fact of the matter is that she’s back on the track. How about that?

- Dewitt