ITEM - Hollywood remaking everything makes me want to punch myself in the nuts. The latest turd a’brewin’ in the bowels of Starshine City is a remake of The Crow. Argh! The first one is a pretty good, schlock-Gothy action flick. And the poor guy (Brandon Lee) DIED making it. Isn’t there some sort of rule that you probs shouldn’t reboot a flick if the last guy gave a great performance and then bit it ON SET? Money-grubbing sluts with no respect. The only slightly redeeming part of this whole shitshow is that Bradley Cooper is reportedly in talks to play morbid hero Eric Draven. Not that I think Cooper can pull this off. I can’t think of any actor LESS suited to play a reanimated male version of Emily the Strange with superpowers. I’m just hopeful he loses his shirt a lot and there’s an ass shot or two.
- J. Harvey
For more Gay Ass Gossip (we got some Taylor Lautner on deck, ladies!), Follow the JUMP:
ITEM – In a total bullshit move, ABC Television has axed two of their long-running soap operas, All My Children and One Life To Live. Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Chandler Marick Montgomery and Viki Lord Burke Riley Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks (seriously, these bitches were into husbands) should handle this! Those are the two divas who have been running Pine Valley and Llanview for aeons, and now they’re being replaced with some busted cooking shows? Viki needs to summon one of her many evil alternate personalities (total mental health realness) to have a little sitdown with the ABC brass. Too sad. The bohunk in the pic is actor Mark Lawson of One Life. Dude can’t act but they have him take his shirt off a lot, so OLTL has remained on my DVR.
ITEM - So how much actual dancing did Natalie Portman DO for her Oscar-winning turn as a psychotic ballerina in Black Swan? Not that much, according to her ballet stand-in Sarah Lane. There’s been an ongoing battle in the press between Lane (who claims she did about 85% of the dancing in place of Nat) and Team Portman (which is made up of her hot babydaddy Benjamin Millepied and the movie’s director Darren Aronofsky). They claim Lane did about 5% and Nat herself was on pointe pretty much the whole time. In a new interview with tv newsmagazine 20/20, Sarah says eff that! “I’ve been doing this for 22 years, and to say that someone trained for a year and a half and did what I did is degrading not only to me but to the entire ballet world. They threaten the entire principle of ballet and I feel like I need to say something.” Ballet is in danger, girl! She might just be mad that Nat didn’t thank her in her Oscar acceptance speech. That’s cold.
ITEM – Christ, looking at that poster you would think the damn movie was a one-twink show. So the trailer for Taylor Lautner‘s new epic Abduction is out. The strapping youth plays a…some kind of…teen superspy? Whatevs, it looks wretched (he delivers his lines like he’s ordering sushi), but the gays will FLOCK to this shit. They *heart* Jacob as much as they hate sparkle motion vampire Edward. We had a product manager here at Manhunt that was so obsessed with him that he literally had “Lautner” as his last name on Facebook. Yikes. Oh, and if there was any doubt Taylor actually likes boys, it’s been proven now. Trailer for Abduction below (slap your agent, Sigourney):
