Porn
April 25, 2011

Random Question: The Worst Porn Name Ever?

Girth Brooks, Beau Flexxx and Dick Handler. These are a few of the worst names in gay porn history. Honestly, we didn’t even think it was possible to come up with something worse, until we heard about a man by the name of (wait for it)Epic Novell. Think about screaming that name out loud–“Oh, fuck yeah, Epic! Pound that hole!”

Now, imagine two parents sitting in the maternity ward, as they ponder names for their newborn baby boy. They’re pacing back and forth. Back and forth. And then the moment comes where they lock eyes with one another, beam with pride and shout out simultaneously, “We shall call him Epic!” It’d be a constant reminder of his epic journey from the womb to the real world. Or something like that.

Though we could sit here all day and make fun of this name (apologies to anyone who’s actually named “Epic”), we should probably move on to today’s Random Question. What’s the worse pseudonym you’ve ever seen in a pornographic film? If you can’t think of an answer, we encourage you to refer to this post for some inspiration…

UPDATE: There is now another newcomer on Circle Jerk Boys called “Captain Smirk“. We wish we could say we’re making this up…

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Men Over 30

To check out Epic Novell in action, follow the JUMP:

Click below or here for a free video preview.

Or watch the whole scene NOW on Men Over 30!

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12 Comments - View all

numbat 12:49pm on April 27, 2011

There was a model a while back on UKNM called Ram Itin.............

  • JohnN

    There was a guy a few years back named Rico Suave. That is by far the WORST porn name ever!

  • vorenus18

    ehh those names are horrid but if any of those guys in those pics are by that name then idc what their name is cuz they are hot and girth brooks has a gorgeous dick lol

  • Jimmy T

    That skinny little boy has one fat monster dick, no matter what his name is.

  • Eddie

    Back in high school, there was only one guy who was totally out, and he annoyed the fuck out of me. Anyway, recently he hit me up on facebook, and brought up the fact that he did porn for Lollipop something or other. His name…Dustin Hawthorne. How is there anything even remotely sexy about that name?

  • MassagebyD

    Ouch i am so hard by looking Damn it’s only Monday hmmmmm

  • ROFL. Rico Suave was the stage name of a one-hit wonder in 92 or so.

    Worst porn name? Whitney Cummings.

  • Darson256

    I thought so too. HE needs to be the one topping.

  • JeremyS

    I think you can have one of the lousiest porn names around, but it’s all in how you carry yourself that lets you pull it off, despite of the name. BTW, whatever happened to the first pet/street where you lived formula? It might still work, unless your name turns out to be Fluffy Elm LOL

  • Bohemond1

    I knew a woman whose actual birth name was Candy Sassy. I always thought that was the ultimate pole dancer name.

  • N

    Those are all pretty bad, but I vote for Dred Scott as having the worst name.

  • I dunno Epic Novell is just dumb and not a good porn name…maybe more like a porn writers name. I think Dick Handler is probably about the most obnoxiously bad and clearly porn related.

  • numbat

    There was a model a while back on UKNM called Ram Itin………….