Former Manhunt Man of The Week: “I’m HIV-Positive”

Wednesday 22nd May 2013,

Former Manhunt Man of The Week: “I’m HIV-Positive”

January 13, 2012
dewitt
Health
86 Comments

World AIDS Day may be far behind us, but that doesn’t mean we should all pack up our red ribbons and forget about HIV awareness. People are still living with HIV. There’s still stigma against those people living with HIV. To make matters worse, people continue to spread misinformation about HIV.

Our job isn’t done yet. With that said, you might be asking to yourself, “How can I solve this problem? Donate money to an AIDS charity? Volunteer at a clinic? Get tested? Know and disclose my status? Communicate with my partner(s)?”

Yes, all of those are good things! But here’s an idea to start with—stop being suck a dick to people living with HIV.

We received an e-mail from a young man named Rory. You might otherwise recognize him by the name of JelloSlapper, a former Manhunt Man of The Week and our fourth place finisher in the Man of The Year countdown.

With the support of AIDS Calgary, Rory has started a new video series to promote awareness and share his experience as a 23 year-old man living with HIV. Click through to watch the first installment.

- Dewitt

Rowin

What an extremely moving video by a very courageous young man! I wish you all the luck and good health in the world and remember that the people who behave like that towards you and other HIV+ people are not worth the time of day.

@ Morne, I wholeheartedly disagree with you. It is NOT anyone else’s responsibility to safeguard your health but you yourself. I’m HIV- [I’ve actually NEVER had an STD in my life] It’s about 7-years now that I’m in a committed, monogamous relationship, yet I still get tested twice a year and will NOT have unprotected sex with my partner/ boyfriend [whatever you want to call him] simply because we both travel a lot for our work and although I trust him I respect and understand the fact that he’s male and human and that there is always a chance that he might slip and have a one-night-stand. He’s NOT responsible for my health, that task is mine! If I’m so stupid as to have unprotected sex and I end up with an STD [of which HIV is one of the worse] then I’m solely to blame, it’s a simple case of NCNS [No Condom, No Sex] and as clear an understanding as I can get from doctors etc as to what behavior is risqué/ dangerous [semen/ sperm in the mouth and other things like that]

@ ANTZ, what is so very ignorant about what Mario or myself are saying? Personally I think the ignorance comes from those who think that if they ask and shun they are more likely to remain healthy when nothing is less true. People lie about their status or just don’t know and assume that they are uninfected. So you shun the guy who honestly tells you what his status is and go on your merry way with the guy who “honestly” tells you that he’s HIV-. Keep in mind that just because a man tested HIV- 6-weeks ago doesn’t mean that he hasn’t contracted the virus in the meantime. That is why I recommend: to always and only engage in safe sex practices, be aware of what puts your health at risk and what doesn’t then there is NO need to treat one person like a pariah while placing your health at risk based on a possible lie or assumption that your partner of the moment is HIV-. Besides, when did this become a discussion of the USA vs. Europe? And why do some people [Americans or Europeans] think that the only correct way is their way? If you’ve read my comments closely you’ll notice that at NO POINT have I suggested that my approach is best, I’m sharing my way of doing things with my Gay brothers around the world but it’s up to each one of you to decide if you see merit in my approach or if you feel that another way is best. All I wish for is that everyone remains healthy, that eventually there will be a cure for this awful disease and that those infected are treated like everyone else with dignity, respect, sympathy, empathy and that they will find love with the man of their dreams.

Why do so many need something to feel superior about and to look down their nose at others?
It NEVER seems to end; first it was race then it became body shape, age, popularity, income and now [it seems] HIV status.
Mario

my opinion and point of view were about telling or not a sexual partner if you are positive or not..I knew as well perfectly what you told me..but why taking this minimal risk ( your words) if you can avoid it and that they do not ever ejaculate in your mouth!!very risky..but everyone is free to asume the risks.as for me , I would’nt..
Mario

@Rowin: I totally agree with you.A very wise way to see the situation.We all have to do our best to stay healthy and keep the others from the diseases, all them.
daddycentaur

In the state where I live whether you were dating him or not That would be considered statutory rape.
daddycentaur

Lets hope the “rig pig” he hooked up with was before he got infected.
http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000239944670 Dean Long

But, if the fact that he doesnt put it in his profile, and does disclose at a point in their conversations, isnt that an opportunity to educate and let the other person see that HIV+ men are just like normal guys except for the HIV part? Arent we supposed to connect with the ‘person’? A lot of people who are uneducated miss out on great guys (sex or not) because they are ignorant.
I think the biggest problem with guys fears of HIV is that it reminds them of their mortality and forces them to look back at all the risky shit they have done in the past. It’s kinda like that old adage ‘if I dont talk about it, it doesnt exist and cant touch me’.
Another thing that blows my mind is guys who post their status as ‘neg as of 1/19/10(ex). Ok…sorry but what the fuck does that prove…if you have done ANYTHING with a guy that was not totally 100% protected since the time that blood was drawn, your test results are invalid.
Get to know the man, respect him and his honesty: Respect the disease, dont fear it: and above all, dont lay blame unless you lay it at your own feet first, you make your choices.
The way it is…

I state on my MH profile that I’m negative even though I’m positive (and undetectable). Many of us do the same thing. Negative guys would be well to accept this reality for what it is.

Which begs the question: Why should sites like MH ask the question in the first place? (European hookup sites don’t.).What matters is behavior–namely safe sex (which I now consistently practice and is emphasized in my profile)–not status.
Michael M

Seriously? WTF? You’re right that we should all assume that
the person we’re sleeping with is HIV-positive until proven otherwise with a
test for which we’ve seen the results ourselves (and even then, who is to say
he/she is trustworthy enough to actually follow through on being monogamous??)

However, you’ve admitted that you’re a damn liar. You are no
different from my ex of 6.5 years who insisted he was negative the entire time
we were together while the truth is that he was positive and exposed me to the
virus. (That said, I should have insisted on a test and I should never have let
my guard down about his promiscuous attitude so as far as I’m concerned, I take
responsibility for my part in my exposure – but still, he was and you are
nothing but liars.)

It’s a pretty pathetic life when one “knowingly and
with real intent” goes out of his way to lead others astray by telling
them he’s HIV-negative when in fact he isn’t —– only with the idea he might
get a good fuck out of doing so in the process!

As for the question, “Why should sites like MH ask the
question in the first place?” Perhaps to limit their own liability when persons
like yourself are out there misleading their potential conquests just to get
their rocks off? It may even be a question that is now required by law (I don’t
know; can’t find anything to support that but it wouldn’t surprise me any the
less).

And for the record, the ONLY “safe” sex is
abstinence. Yes, using condoms falls within the realm of “safER” sex
but short of abstinence, there is no such thing is 100% “safe” sex. Condoms
can break or those using them may not be doing so “PROPERLY”
(decreasing their effectiveness) … and of course, there are other STD’s for
which condoms may offer little to no protection whatsoever. I’m not trying to
preach or say, “don’t have sex” —- only saying what is true. Hell,
I still have sex myself on occasion but it’s always with a condom and ONLY
after I’ve had that dreaded conversation, “I’m HIV-positive.”

As for “hookup sites” —- I generally don’t
bother with those anymore. Most who are using such sites are doing so only to
hook up and have sex and quite honestly, that just isn’t so much my scene
anymore.

In closing, “Share your status, not your/our
disease.”
Jesse

I beleive I knew this young man. When I was living in alberta, and going to school. I have talked to a number of positive people and their reactions are similar. From the way they are treated, they seem to have almost resigned themselves. It is horrific that things that were said in the conversation he showed, but not unbeleivable. I have never come across this situation myself, of having to decide to sleep with a positive person. And so I do not know what I would actually do, but I do know that I would never be that cruel.

Invariable this is another trial to face, and one of the worst. That is only compounded not only by ineducation, but also by insensitivity. Even those affect by this terrible disease are still people, even though most seem to thing they are not inherantly worth less. No one deserves this kind of treatment.

You all preach about ethics are rules,morality and obligations, but that not the reason he made this video, as least in my opinion. It was to convey the message of how different people treat him and how they act toward him now. I’ve known a number of people that have gotten infected, and they are getting younger and younger. I was shocked when I heard about this man, moreso becuase I knew him. But I do know that he doesn’t deserve being treated so horribly. He is truly a nice, and kind person.

Oftentimes most forget that things like this do not dictate your life, you are still a well rounded individual, with a full life. yes when your focus is on sex something like this seems monumental, but that does not give you the right to treat them as any less of a person than you are.
The way it is…

You’re right, Michael. I’m a liar in this respect. And there are thousands and thousands of us on MH alone doing the very same thing, any one of whom could be your next trick. This is why it serves no practical purpose to list HIV status in profiles and no reason to rely on what is stated in someone’s profile. Therefore the only thing that really counts in this regard is consistent adherence to safe sex. Status, listed accurately or not listed at all, doesn’t really matter.

There is no legal reason for MH to include this question. MH simply chose to do so. And in my opinion, that makes MH party to HIV-related stigma, as stigmatization begins with categorization.
Dude Chancejoe

Undetectable just means its at a stance and not spreading, growing . You will will always be POZ untill they find a cure if ever !
2tnlad

I’m hiv* and this guy really inspires me a lot,sometimes is so difficult to face the true life and keep going,specially with your friends,my family loves me and respect me,but I don´t think I can tell to my friends,I hope this change some day……
Fuck off

I’m hiv poz and I don’t lie and say I’m negative, and I don’t know many who do. Most of us either put ask me or nothing at all. This just shows how pathetic you are.
Fuck off

How am I an asshole? Millions of people are living with HIV every day, and its suddenly a big deal when a hot guy has it?
tnguy21

November of 09. My ex cheated on me multiple times and we were careless. Had to change my posting name.
Fuck off

and it didn’t work…..fuck.
Fuck off

I couldn’t agree more. If it weren’t for the denial and ignorance on the subject, alot more people would be educated and understanding about what is a manageable disease.
Jerry

Deliberately lying about one’s HIV+ status to a sex partner is a crime.
Michael M

Thank you. I totally get the “so I feel like a pariah” b.s. and understand the temptation that some people give in to when they mislead others to believe they’re HIV-Negative when in fact they’re anything but … but for me it’s all about integrity. I’m HIV-Positive. Am I happy about it? Hell, no but it’s a fact and since this is my burden to carry in life, I’ll carry it and I’ll do the one thing that IS within my power… I’ll be honest about it and demonstrate some level of integrity. If that means I never have another serious relationship or enjoy a good shag in the hay, so be it. At least “I KNOW” that my conscience is clear and I didn’t take the easy way out just to get laid. (FTR, that in no way means that I’m infallible. Christ, I’ve got as many faults as the next guy I imagine but at least I can safely say “this isn’t one of them.”)
http://blog.quipsnquills.com/ Michael M

You’re NOT an asshole (as somebody else accused you of). Yes, I’ll admit that your earlier comment kind of struck me wrong also. I did a double take and my first thought was, “How dare he diminish the message that is being sent here by pretending that he’s got it any tougher than any of the rest of us who are HIV-Positive just because he’s nineteen.”
But I think I understand your frustration. You’re just really beginning your adult life and this is something you are saddled with… Something you have to deal with and repeated reveal every time you’re thinking about getting into a sexual relationship with someone else. It isn’t easy; it NEVER gets easier, no matter how many times you have the conversation (because we never know what the results of our dreaded conversation will be).
We ALL want to be loved by somebody; we all want somebody to love and God forbid, it isn’t made any easier when on top of all of the other hurdles we seemingly have to overcome … we have to make our own way through this one, as well.
Some will say, “Well, you should have thought about that when you were carelessly having sex with one whose status you were unsure of!” That’s easy for them to say but really, it’s not as simple as all that. When we “think” we’ve met somebody we are falling for and want to spend the rest of our lives with, we usually don’t want to upset the apple-cart by setting sexual boundaries. We “should” (set those boundaries and expectations) – but many will leave their “common sense” at the front door and instead, choose to do whatever they think might keep their guy (or gal) interested in them.
So no, you’re not an asshole. You’re just a guy (younger than myself at the “tender age of 48″ … ROFL! … hey, some humor is needed) who is dealing with the hand he’s been dealt. And yes, you’ve made a valid point… Millions of people ARE living with HIV every day and it’s every bit as big a deal for them as it is for the “hot guy” (your words, not mine) who posted about his experience in this video.
Namaste.
http://blog.quipsnquills.com/ Michael M

You might try clearing your cache on your Internet browser. I don’t know
if that will work (to change the name you’re posting under) or not but
it might be worth a try.
newguy

Everything you said I know. I know the disease, it killed enough of my friends. And I have had SAFE encounters with poz men, AFTER we talked about statuses.

This is also from his stories: “One of the most unusual places, isn’t really too unusual, but it was the
first time I got fucked and was totally blown away. I met a guy on
manhunt, and he was a sexy crane operator, and he wanted to pick me up
on his way home from work. This was in the DEAD of Winter, and it was
-35C out. We could not go to his house and my place was unavailable, so
we drove around until we found a place to park, we finally found a place
down some dirt road at the edge of the city. I wasn’t planning on
getting fucked that night I just wanted to taste his sweaty balls and
cock and mess around in his jeep. Next thing I know he has me bent over
the passenger seat and he is eating my ass, after a few minutes of that
he slipped his cock into my ass, and it felt so god damn amazing I
didn’t want it to stop, I wanted him to fuck me so hard that his cum
came out my ears! After we were finished the windows were so fogged up
and iced over, we had to spend 20 minutes scraping the ice off the
windows.”

Doesn’t sound like there is much conversation going on during his hookups. If you don’t disclose before an encounter, then don’t feel you’re not being respected if the guy changes his mind in the middle of the hookup, feeling THAT is the best time to disclose. Respect goes both ways.
Fuck off

Thank you….you stated my point alot better than I could.
The way it is…

My post had to do with Manhunt’s choice to ask the question in the first place. Obviously there wouldn’t be any opportunity to lie about one’s status in our profiles if we weren’t asked the question.

I now consistently have only safe sex. I don’t do anything sexually that could potentially transfer the virus to someone else. Therefore there’s no reason for me to publicize the fact that I’m positive. That’s of course not necessarily the case with many poz MH members who say in their profiles that they are negative. And that’s the reason it serves no reliable reason to ask the question in the first place–namely, because what’s stated in a profile shouldn’t be taken as the truth anyway.
Fuck off

You have a fair point. It is pointless to ask a question so many lie about. But it does show a lack of integrity to lie about your status. If you don’t want to admit you’re poz for the world to see, that’s fine. But to lie about it is unfair to you, and it’s unfair to others. At least put ask me or don’t put anything at all. You don’t have to tell everyone, but as was already pointed out, even using protection can fail.
shawn

great man i live few hrs from you would love to meet see how we click not scared of getting to know a guy like u and see where it goes e mail me man
just me

You are correct, Jerry. There are state and federal laws making it a criminal act if you lie about your status and do anything that infects another person. It is seen as manslaughter and even murder. Of course there are people trying to repeal and fight these laws.
smaltown_cityguy

Hey HIV + guy here and I know the guy that made this video. I personally believe that it’s our right to disclose our status even though everyone ‘should’ assume that everyone has it. i became infected by a one night stand where the condom broke, to this day i still don’t know if the guy knew and didn’t tell me or he didn’t know himself.

i do find it sad that younger and younger individuals are contracting this disease. I kind of put the blame though on lack of education and knowledge on the subject, and believe that our youth need to be better educated starting in school.

i’ve personally had a hard time with it, the rejection from friends, family and numerous times but potential prospects. I’ve come to terms now after 4 years of being POZ that this is how life is going to be. Nothing is easy and now yea it’s a tad more difficult. I just have to contiunue living my life and being the best person that I can be. Everything will be alright in the end.

Just get yested peridocially, ask the question are you before hand and use protection always.
JeremyS

I knowingly dated an HIV+ guy because I was interested in him. He broke it off because of trust issues on his part due to the date rape incident that infected him. I held no animosity towards him and hope that he was able to get the counseling he needed. As for Rory, if he was living in my neighborhood, I would show him the respect he deserves as a human being. And in the long run, that’s what it’s all about–respect.
Mario

@The way it is.. : I totally agree with you.Tne most important is not to put the sex partners under any risk of getting infected and practise safe sex..no need to do anything else.HIV status is something private as long as you practise safe sex and that there is no risk for the other person..
cabide

Great job, dude! At this time I’m in a 2 years relationship and I felt in love with my boyfriend when he told me he was HIV positive just before the second time we were about to have sex. Of course i din’t fall in love because he is HIV+ but because he trusted on me and had guts to tell me he was positive. We are safe and happy like that. Just got tested 2 weeks ago, I’m negative and plan to be like this. He is healthy taking his medicine 3 times a day.
Best whishes.
Cheers from Brazil.
http://www.dudesnude.com/members/211741/ cabide

It’s easy and simple: Safe sex!
Franck

Rory you’re hot, funny and one of a kind!! even though I just wanna say something nice you may not get it the same way I tryed to express it, but I’ll try anyway.
A little challenge from life! it’s just that a challenge. it’s a big one for you but as you clearly seen, people can be expressing themselves in a very bad way, lucky you are in a way that you have family and friends to love & cherish you when you need it
not everyone as the same regardless of they’re suituation… my point is just for you to be a little bit patient my young friend what ever you are looking for you will get. love or parttime buddy someone will open up and you’ll be, I hope, happier )
Francky
Carniassada

U know sometimes Im ashamed to be gay, gay people are so hateful and judgemental just saying…………
413ron

i know how u feel fuck off, i am 23, and a 58 year old gave it to me, yes i like older, yes my fault, but still, oral sex one time and 2nd time with a man

i feel cheated and my prime of life is gone, he got his tho, he got his and will die at retirement age unlike me
413RON

THEY ALSO BASH US BEY TRYING TO INFECT OUR OWN PEOPLE AND WE ARE ONE OF THE FEW MINORITIES THAT RATHER THAN HELP EACH OTHER AND STICK UP FOR US, (ONLINE THAT IS), WE TRY TO INFECT AND HARM ON MANHUNT AND GAY.COM AND OTHER SITES. NO WONDER SOCIETY FEARS US, AND BEING BI, I FEAR US TOO

IM DYING YOUNG, HE GOT TO LIVE, SO

FOR A GROUP SICK WITH GREED AND DECEPTION: GET WELL SOON.

Former Manhunt Man of The Week: “I’m HIV-Positive”

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