Secret Sex: Michael Hichborn

February 16, 2012
dewitt
Equality
12 Comments

Hello, Michael Hichborn! I’m digging your salt and pepper hair, inviting lips, judgmental eyes and overall “power bottom” vibe. Why don’t we head over to Planned Parenthood, pick up a pamphlet about fisting and give it a try together? I’ve never had any interest in attempting it before today, but there’s just something about you! I get the impression that your tight ass would enjoy the feeling of my whole hand shoved deep inside…

Oh, what’s that you say? You don’t have a tight ass? You’re really just an uptight asshole who’s blatantly homophobic and believes Planned Parenthood’s corrupting children by hooking them on sex, in order to maintain their alleged “abortion business”? Never mind, then! You can just suck my dick. Literally or figuratively. The choice is up to you, and I have a pretty good feeling about which option you’d choose.

Enjoy your time with the American Life League! Perhaps you can schedule a potluck dinner with all the Groupon users who object to providing young LGBTQ individuals with safer sex kits? Just an idea! Also, can I borrow your shirt? It’d look cuter on me.

UPDATE: Since one of you asked, here is a link to the aforementioned Groupon campaign.

- Dewitt

Click through to watch Hichborn’s “Hooking Kids On Sex” video:

ttuboy313

SIIIGGGH. (that was not a flamboyant sigh, that was a very aggressive pre-kill sigh)

Why is it always the repressed homosexual men that are on the anti-sex crusade? This just boils down to societal courtesy. For instance, when I am sick I go into my room, politely close the door, and then throw myself a bad ass pity party that no one is invited to unless they bring me chocolate ice cream. When I am unsure about something I go and sit and think, read, and ask questions until I come to a conclusion I can live with. But for the life of me I don’t run around forcing my illness and limitations onto the world around me. So you are weak and can’t admit you really want Dewitt’s fist? Fiiine I understand – I have had my moments of weakness before too. But for the love of God can you just start a journal or something?

Sincerely,

a very bored with this kind of shit homosexual
Kennycook64

It’s because the “think” that people don’t know they are Gay. Which is the biggest joke in the world! People just need to come out of the fucking closet. And to those who are still in the closet… The sun will rise the day after you come out, you’re not that important!
Fariasrv

Hey, Dewitt: do you happen to have a link to the Groupon in question? I’d like to donate.

I’d also like to hate-fuck this asswipe with a saguaro, sans lube.
Anonymous

Of course! There’s a link in Queerty’s post, though I’ll add one here:

http://www.groupon.com/deals/gt-bagly?dl=d47388
Alex

1 in 4 teenage girls have an std? I have a very hard time believing that. This is almost as shameless as they think planned parenthood is. Although, I admit, I dont think going to a pride parade should be mandatory.
Go_duke_go

GOOD GRIEF!
Fariasrv

Thanks Dewitt. Done and done.
Sonny223

I certainly hope that most people don’t think this moron is representative of the gay community or even him being possibly representative of closeted gay men. I do believe that he IS representative of a SELF-HATING closeted gay man…
Jam

there is so many ways this is just wrong.. but the question i just have to ask.. is why dose a fisting kit go hand in hand with gay sex!?
DC ‘Mo

Of course he’s straight. For Christ’s sake. The man is wearing PLEATED PANTS.
RavelTrouser

Pretty sure no one “hooks” anyone on sex, being that it is a prime biological imperative that naturally fascinates pretty much all mammals.
http://twitter.com/Eddie_Ficio Eddie F. M.

That GIF scared the shit out of me when I was scrolling down.

Secret Sex: Michael Hichborn

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