Who Would You Rather?: Snooki’s Alleged Babydaddy Or The Guy She Was Doing Before

Is the term “guido” racist? The original opening sentence to this post used it. Then I was like…is “brotha” racist? When I use “fag” (which I rarely do) am I being homophobic despite the fact that I rim guys? It’s a blogging minefield! These are deep issues.

Anyway, Snooki only dates guys that look like her in a wig. I’d still fuck them because i like dumb and beefy. But Jionni LaValle (the guy she’s currently “smushing”) and Emillio Masella (the last guy she sent reeling to CVS to pick up a Valtrex script) look like they might be related to the Jersey Shore’s booze baby. Speaking of babies, the gossip blogs are squawking that she’s having a child with Jionni. Fuck no. if you need me, I’ll be in France. I don’t need to see a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome become America’s Next Reality Television Sweetheart.

It’s the Apocalypse. You’re trapped on the Jersey Shore. These two slabs are horny enough to get with a dude. Which one do you “smush”?

Note – you will end up with fake tan goop smeared all over your body. Obviously.

- J. Harvey

For more pics of Jionni and Emillio, Follow the JUMP:

Jionni Lavalle

(It’s almost impossible to find a pic of him that doesn’t feature the rotten citrus fruit)

Emillio Masella