Let’s Get Kinky: Balloons

The mister and I had Nat Geo on the other night. I felt like I had seen too much after I watched the balloon guy.

Much like The Learning Channel, Nat Geo is no longer what it advertises. The Learning Channel, sorry, TLC features programming dominated by flatulent inbred families and women complaining about their bridesmaid dresses as opposed to teaching. And Nat Geo has this show called Taboo. Taboo delights in bizarre sexual fetishes on a weekly basis. If you thought the breast milk guy was a little wacky, wait until you meet Dave the Looner.

“Looners” are people who have a fetish for balloons. It can be sexual or non-sexual (cut the shit, it’s totally sexual) and there are different variations. Some looners get off on popping the balloons, others just want to rub up on em’. Dave from Little Rock, Arkansas gave me the willies so bad that I had to actually change the channel. I’m sure he’s totally harmless. A balloon is an inanimate object, so it’s not like this is non-consensual. But the way he rubs the balloons under his shirt, and on his nipples while cooing softly about how they’re his “children” terrified me. And I’ve seen fisting videos that would make you throw your laptop away.

An interesting aspect to this is sexual orientation. Is Dave gay? Straight? Balloon-a-sexual?

He does claim that he is not doing anything sexual with the balloons. I’m just not buying it.

- J. Harvey

To meet Dave the Looner, Follow the JUMP: