This Is Why I Had A Crush On Roseanne’s TV Husband As A Child

John Goodman loves gay people. His most famous role was on a TV show that was super gay friendly. He briefly played one of us on TV (it must have sucked because I never heard of it until I checked out IMDB). And his Linda Tripp drag was flawless.  I used to want Dan Conner to adopt me, and then do things to me that they normally only allude to in ABC Afterschool Specials. I know, that’s dirty and wrong but it’s what I felt.

Here’s the big happy fatso with a tongue-in-cheek look at Colonel Sanders’ response to the Chick-fil-A rigamarole. The part when he turns to the camera, drops the charade, and everything goes all horror movie actually made me nervous. I could have used “Omarion” comforting me.

- J. Harvey

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