Hunting Season: Steam Rooms & Open Relationships
For those just joining us, Hunting Season is the best new web-series about a guy named Alex who works at Gawker, loves anal sex and has commitment issues. You can catch up on the first three episodes by heading to their site or “reading” our handy recaps here on Manhunt Daily…
For the rest of you whores, join us as we watch the fourth (and, so far, best) episode of the show!
This might also be a good time to mention that you should follow Marc Sinoway (@designerdouche) on Twitter. He’s the actor who plays Tommy, and we’ve been flirting non-stop since I realized he was on there… Or, well, I’ve been throwing myself hole-first at him, and he’s been sort of okay with that.
But, ugh, I’m getting distracted at the thought of caressing his hairy chest and burying my nose in his pubes! Stop reading these stupid words, and go watch the episode.
Click through to watch the fourth episode and view our recap:
The episode begins with Alex, our slutty hero, naked in bed, trying to escape the horrible grasps of man-on-man intimacy (aka Lenny‘s arms wrapped around him). Here’s what you need to know about their relationship—a) Lenny met Alex at a bar and wouldn’t go home with him, b) Alex is a huge fucking slut, and c) Lenny and Alex went on the worst date ever, but they had the “hottest” two-second sex ever!
I don’t mean to get off topic or anything, BUT you can totally see Alex’s penis if you enlarge this image and zoom in… Or at least a blurry blob of pixels where a penis should be. That’s something, right?
Lenny wakes up as Alex is leaving. He want to make him breakfast and probably eat his tiny little ass again! While that’s all very romantic, Alex has a very important appointment with his friends at the gym. Clingy Lenny’s all like—and I’m paraphrasing—“You don’t have to work out, silly! Stay here and make out with my scrotum.” Alex replies with something like, “Nuh uh, girlfriend! Bros before other bros whose cocks I like to ride.”
Lenny is sad.
Lenny is also hot. He deserves better.
Alex is at the gym. He’s joined by Nick (the friend with the great facial expressions) and Tommy (the absurdly attractive friend who eats douche salad for breakfast). He’s also joined by…
THIS TOTALLY HOT LESBIAN HE HAS A CRUSH ON!!!!
Nick makes some zany jokes and complains about Carter, that dude who banged a billionaire on a yacht. His presence in this episode is questionable, aside from maybe providing a voice of reason for the section of the world that isn’t so absurdly attractive that they can treat everyone else like dingleberries.
Here’s Tommy being hot again. He slept with a bum or something? He has drama with the senior partner at work? He likes smoking weed and eating ass? I’m having trouble following all of this dialogue, because everyone has their clothes on.
Tommy ate this guy’s ass, but he didn’t text him back! Maybe he would have texted him back if his hair didn’t look like that…
This guy’s a GREAT actor, by the way! Are there Emmy Awards for actors in web series? Because he should win one.
OH MAN! LOOK AT THIS HOT LESBIAN!!!!!!
Oh hey! It’s token Asian friend.
We finally learn that his name is TJ. He joined the gym so he can get muscles! Apparently, he was opposed to this before, because people who love fashion can’t have muscles… Oh, and he’s also opening up his relationship with his boyfriend. There’s that too.
Unnecessarily dramatic reaction to the news of TJ’s open relationship.
Alex suddenly decides to be a good friend and asks TJ what the hell’s going on. Naturally, he suggests threeways as an alternative to an open relationship, which doesn’t really solve the problem if TJ and his boyfriend aren’t having sex in the first place. Then he’s like, “Blah, blah, blah! I really think you should think this through.”
TJ replies—and I’m paraphrasing—“Are you judging me? You sucked, like, seven dicks within the past hour?”
Tommy’s yelling at some guy. I really thought this was going to be the after-school special moment where we find out he’s doing steroids. As it turns out, it’s really just a segue into this…
Steam room time! Nick wasn’t invited for some strange reason.
(Actually, he says he’s too busy working out, but really, why wasn’t he written into this scene?)
This happens and I DIE.
A guy walks into a steam room. Who do you think he sits down next to?
DUH. He sits down next to Tommy. Because Tommy’s body looks like this.
Please note in this animation that the random dude is practically having an orgasm as Tommy touches his own chest. While I’d like to make fun of him for this, there’s a small chance I’d react the same way (though it’s more likely I would have spontaneously jizzed upon seeing Tommy in the steam room).
TJ doesn’t really “get” hooking up in the steam room, because he’s been with the same guy for 2,000 years. He starts laughing at Tommy and his new, uncircumcised friend.
BITCH PLEASE is basically what they’re saying in this picture.
Apologetic face! TJ is sorry for ruining their rendezvous in a public steam room, where he’s just trying to relax and recover from his workout. His workout that never actually happened.
But the universe has other ideas for TJ!
The Guinness Book record holder for “bushiest pubes” comes in and sits down directly next to TJ. His ultimate goal is to fuck TJ’s throat so hard that he’s spitting out hairballs later that evening.
This distracts TJ from laughing at Tommy and his fair-foreskinned friend, both of whom are sensually touching themselves on the adjacent steam room bench.
TJ starts to touch his chest. He saw Tommy do that before, so it must have seemed like a good idea at the time… His bushy friend reaches for his dick (which is actually a pretty beautiful dick in its flaccid state).
How long have these guys been touching their dicks? Shouldn’t someone have an erection by now?
Bushy friend is leaning forward to show his interest…
Alex is taking a nap. He’s recovering from a hard night of getting butt-fucked in every position possible. Aren’t there safety regulations against falling asleep in the steam room? Shouldn’t his friends be more concerned with him, instead of looking hot and touching random flaccid strangers?
Nope. Alex’s friends are shallow, and they like attention.
Just so you’re not confused, the leg on the right belongs to TJ. His bushy pal wants to take things to the next level, but…
TJ flinches back and cries like a baby. He’s not a monogamous man, not yet a cum-guzzling whore.
These guys are like, “ANOTHER INTERRUPTION? GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!”
TJ rushes out of the steam room, which is a shame, because I really would have been more interested to see what Tommy’s up to at this point in the plotline… Alex follows TJ and they talk, and yah, yah, yah, yah.
Essentially, Alex provides the following advice: “You can be a slut like me. It’ll just take time.”
Wait, so the hot lesbian has a dick? Her name is Reese, and Alex just spotted her in the shower.
Serial killer eyes!
But Alex is into lesbian serial killers, I guess.
He’s very into lesbian serial killers.
Scratch that! He’s a total SLUT for lesbian serial killers. THE END.
Get the uncensored version at huntingseason.tv!