Ian Thorpe: Why Do We Refuse To Believe It When A Guy Tells Us He’s Straight?

Answer – cuz’ they’re usually lying. HAH! No, really. Australian swimming sensation and multiple gold medalist Ian Thorpe (aka “The Thorpedo) has a memoir coming out, and is doing the usual press junket. One of the more prevalent questions he’s being faced with is the “are you sure you don’t suck cock?” one. Thorpe, who has identified himself as a heterosexual numerous times in the past, is still having to identify himself as hetereosexual.

The Huffington Post:

“Yeah, look, the thing that I find hurtful about it is that people are questioning kind of my integrity and what I say,” Thorpe said. “That’s the only part that I find hurtful. Like is that, you know, this is something that I would be embarrassed about, that I would hide or whatever else.”

He also clarified, “I don’t want to offend anyone that, you know, whether they’re people [who] have friends that are gay or whatever else, I don’t want to offend them by…getting angry about it, getting frustrated about it. The only part that I’m frustrated with is that people think that I’m lying.”

Ok, ok. We get it. We also understand you sounding all defensive. If everyone was insisting that I liked to eat pussy, I’d be annoyed, too. I DON’T like to easy pussy. Keep your hetero-normative bullshit to yourself, right?

But…there’s always that little voice in the back of our heads that doesn’t want to hear Ian claim that he’s straight. Keep reading for some reasons why we (meaning the gay community) might think like that.

- J. Harvey

1. Ian Thorpe “looks” and “acts” gay.

Stereotypes! He’s cute, takes care of himself, dresses well, is demonstrative with his hands, and his voice is a little high. He’s obviously taking it in the seat from another guy. Hold up.  If it walks like a duck….isn’t there still a chance it’s a chicken?

Should we be hating the labels we’re always forcing on each other?  Or are we fooling ourselves by thinking that there’s not a grain of truth in every stereotype?

2. Ian Thorpe has to be gay cuz’ we can’t deal with a hot guy being even the slightest bit unavailable.

That way lies madness, but there is something a bit accurate about it. Do we see every hot guy as a challenge? And is the idea that a hot guy might be completely unattainable sort of perturbing so we have to shade him as closeted?

3. In his new memoir, Ian Thorpe talks about his struggles with alcohol and depression. Those must have been caused by being a self-loathing closetcase.

I don’t know about you. But I know A SLEW of gay guys who have had issues with the booze and the blues. Being a homo born into a hetero-based society can screw a guy up. It’s kind of easy to draw a line through all of those and assume Ian was down and self-medicating to deal. Yes, J., but there a hundreds of thousands of depressive alcoholics out there that aren’t into dudes. True that.

4. Ian Thorpe is staying in the closet cuz’ of his athletic career and endorsements.

“We came out. We withstood all the slings and arrows of coming out. Ian Thorpe is gay, probably rich from endorsements he gained by being perceived as a “straight” athlete, and not being open about it. How come he gets to do that? FUCK HIM.“ – Angry Gays

Being an out gay man sometimes results in what I like to call “high horse syndrome.” It’s when we forget what it was like being in the closet, how terrified we were, and how we had to work ceaselessly to structure our lives around keeping a secret that we thought would ruin our lives. We might allow ourselves to forget how painful, scary, and exhausting it was. And when someone we think is in the closet is BENEFITING from it, girl – watch out! We shade that cowardly bitch all over the place.

Obviously, I am no scholar, psychologist or mind-reader. Who knows if Ian is telling the truth or not?  Do any of those reasons I listed ring true to you? Am I simplistic? Full of shit? Let’s discuss. Hash it out in the comments!