HealthVideo
November 15, 2012

Morning Wood: The Untold Story

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This probably falls into the category of “more than enough information about you, J. Harvey!” but morning wood is my fiercest enemy in the morning.

Like most of you – I have to pee in the morning. Stumbling bleary-eyed to the bathroom, I go to pull it out and I HAVE A HUGE FUCKING ERECT THROBBING ROD. This does not help in peeing. On the contrary, it makes it almost impossible. Unfortunately,  I don’t have a toilet the size of an Olympic swimming pool. I refuse to stand on my head to piss. And I have rejected the advice of friends to just “go in the shower.” GROSS.

So I have to stand there and think about grandmothers, women’s field hockey, and He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named until my boner goes bye-bye and I can seek urinary relief. This has been a lifelong problem. ASAP Science hasn’t provided a better solution, but at least I know why it’s happening now.

– J. Harvey

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2,441 Comments - View all

ℜεx Gαηч♏ε∂ε. (Super Hero.) 6:42am on November 28, 2012

so i was half-right about the reason we have waking erections1 (people who work at night don't typically get up in the morning, so why call it "morning wood" when you're little buddy is staring back at you in the evening?); i never imagined that there were any chemical processes of our brains had that had a direct-correlation with this phenomenon.

  • Informative video

    I personally lean into the wall behind the toilet and then can take a piss but even sometimes after sex need to do it and have not lost that hard on yet after popping a nut so it is the same deal.

  • Adrian

    Pics or it didn’t happen! This is why when I get rich and famous I intend on having a urinal in my master bathroom. Problem solved. (You’re welcome)

  • Panda-Nico

    haha, i sometimes find that straddling the toilet (sitting backwards) actually helps in the morning, but that might just be cause im lazy and means i get to rest my elbows on the back of the toilet, saves me actually having to hold myself up in a sleepy state 😀

  • johnnie10

    or you can just jerk off first and then it goes down so you can piss LOL

  • johnnie10

    or you can just jerk off first and then it goes down so you can piss LOL

  • johnnie10

    or you can just jerk off first and then it goes down so you can piss LOL

  • johnnie10

    or you can just jerk off first and then it goes down so you can piss LOL

  • johnnie10

    or you can just jerk off first and then it goes down so you can piss LOL

  • fariasrv

    I concur. I demand to see photos of your huge fucking erect throbbing rod, J. Harvey.

  • fariasrv

    I concur. I demand to see photos of your huge fucking erect throbbing rod, J. Harvey.

  • I agree with Adrian. To really be able to give you workable advice on this hard problem we need to see your massive and unbending cock. Side note: what is gross about peeing in THE SHOWER!?! It’s just piss, not acid or poop. Plus the uric acid in pee actually helps to soften skin so if you peed on your hands or feet in the shower, you’d actually be doing yourself a favor.

  • I agree with Adrian. To really be able to give you workable advice on this hard problem we need to see your massive and unbending cock. Side note: what is gross about peeing in THE SHOWER!?! It’s just piss, not acid or poop. Plus the uric acid in pee actually helps to soften skin so if you peed on your hands or feet in the shower, you’d actually be doing yourself a favor.

  • I agree with Adrian. To really be able to give you workable advice on this hard problem we need to see your massive and unbending cock. Side note: what is gross about peeing in THE SHOWER!?! It’s just piss, not acid or poop. Plus the uric acid in pee actually helps to soften skin so if you peed on your hands or feet in the shower, you’d actually be doing yourself a favor.

  • Guy

    why don’t you just…sit down and pee like a girl?
    It’s way comfier in the morning anyway.

  • Guy

    why don’t you just…sit down and pee like a girl?
    It’s way comfier in the morning anyway.

  • so i was half-right about the reason we have waking erections1 (people who work at night don’t typically get up in the morning, so why call it “morning wood” when you’re little buddy is staring back at you in the evening?); i never imagined that there were any chemical processes of our brains had that had a direct-correlation with this phenomenon.