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January 29, 2013

The Locker Room: Brad Barritt

Someone tell my husband I’ve left for St. Albans, England to rendezvous with my NEW husband, rugby player Brad Barritt. He’ll understand after he sees these pics. Holy shitballs, this dude is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. Adorable face. Thickset jock body. Has to wear tiny shorts and skintight spandex for work all the time. He literally has a twinkle in his eye. Who has that? I mean, Santa Claus, but I don’t want to fuck him. Unless I’ve had too much peppermint schnapps in my cocoa.

And who cares if Brad Barritt’s married? Who cares if he’s straight? It’s my world! A world in which Brad Barritt leaves her for me. And turns out to be as masculine as he appears but still likes watching Golden Girls reruns. Also, to make me happy, he stops posing with fish. Seriously, Brad. If you’re going to post shirtless photos of yourself, don’t include dead sealife. It distracts from your looks. The only people even looking at your pics on Twitter are homos and ladies. Straight guys who brag about the size of the fish they caught don’t use Twitter. They think it’s gay.

– J. Harvey

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16 Comments - View all

bigerik 11:35am on February 2, 2013

Dewitt, I've been watching a lot of the San Antonio Spurs lately with my Dad and think you should check out "The Red Rocket" for a future Locker Room. I'm hot for their new Aussie player Aron, myself.

  • Jaxxx247

    DAMN!!!

  • jockfever

    There’s a “bare it” joke in here somewhere

  • Dewitt2it

    Um, I want to do EVERY NAKED THING POSSIBLE with this man.

  • How did I miss that? I’m usually on-point when it comes to corny.

  • Laber

    BEAUTIFUL, just beautiful!

  • max adler + patrick warburton + brad barrit = nirvana

    deshou?

  • bigerik

    Dewitt,
    I’ve been watching a lot of the San Antonio Spurs lately with my Dad and think you should check out “The Red Rocket” for a future Locker Room. I’m hot for their new Aussie player Aron, myself.