Gay Ass Gossip: Ryan Lochte Ruins The Cover Of “Nevermind”

ITEM - Certified dumb bitch (and Olympic gold medalist, I should probably add that) Ryan Lochte re-enacted the iconic cover to Nirvana’s “Nevermind” for ESPN’s “Music” issue. First off, why does a sports mag have a “Music” issue? Secondly, ugh. The shot doesn’t even show the peen, and here are some direct quotes from this douche about the project.

DListed:

-”Iconic Nirc-vana”

- “The cover is definitely global, brah.”

- “If you look at the baby, he’s definitely happy in the water. And that’s what I am.”

- “He’s chasing after a dollar bill. So he’s always on the grind.”

- “Trying to perfect the perfect the shot in the water was kinda easy for me. Just because I spend about four hours a day, every day of my life, in the water.”

- “Usually when I go swimming, I have goggles on. So when I didn’t have my goggles on for this shoot my eyes were definitely burning.”

- [Blinks five times in two seconds] “Am I blinking a lot, cause I feel like it.”

- “Hopefully everyone’s reaction when they see it, they’ll be like, daang, look at that guy. I honestly think I nailed the shot.”

He hurts my soul.

ITEM - That’s cruise ship employee Fabian Zanzi. His court case against prostate massage enthusiast and supposed heterosexual John Travolta has suddenly been dropped. This happened just as a federal judge ordered the case be brought before an open court. Johnny Trav was accused of showing Fabian his cock and “hugging” him during a 2009 Royal Caribbean cruise . This is another alleged instance of Travolta coming on to dudes inappropriately. The only other option besides court was to settle. So guess who’s going to be able to buy LOTS of new Speedos?

ITEM - That’s the first official image from Behind The Candelabra. It’s the HBO Liberace biopic starring Michael Douglas as the flamboyant pianist and Matt Damon as Scott Thorson, his “chauffeur.” Note the quotes. Looking at this pic, I don’t think I want to see the sex scenes.