Hot or Not: Keeping It Quiet

You know how much I want the world to know I’m having sex? As much as I want the world to know that I’m pooping.

My apologies for such a crude introduction. It’s just that, well, I’ll never understand people who purposefully broadcast their bedroom activities by having sex as loud as humanly possible, particularly in situations (thin walls, open windows) where they know someone else can hear. We get it! You’re getting laid!

While there are occasions when I get off on the sounds of other people fucking, it just pisses me off more often than not. If you know there’s a chance I might hear you, please shove your face in a pillow, invest in a ball gag or swallow those screams of pleasure. I would do the same for you.

No, really, I would.

Back in college, I went on a skiing trip in Vermont where this straight couple kept making a scene of their damn sex life. When my ex-boyfriend and I finally got a room to ourselves, I bent him over against the wall, lubed him up, told him to keep his mouth shut and drilled him ’til we both blew. Nobody suspected a thing. It was the best stealth fuck I’ve ever experienced.

This memory came back to me after watching Donato Reyes and Paddy O’Brian in Men of UK‘s appropriately-titled “Shut Up And Fuck“. The clip finds Donato logging onto Manhunt Mobile (I’m assuming) after his boyfriend Martin Mazza falls asleep, so he can invite Paddy over for a discreet romp in the very same room… And in a surprise twist that surprises literally no one, the clip ends with Donato dozing off and Martin waking up to coyly suggest that he’s up to no good. Looks like a sequel’s inevitable!

- Dewitt

Photo credit: Men of UK

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