The Locker Room: “Baltimore Ravens That J. Harvey Wants To Get With” Superbowl Edition

 

Well hullo MVP Joe Flacco! You just won the Superbowl! And what will you be doing to celebrate your victory? Going to Disneyworld? Screw that! You and the rest of your sexy-ass teammates should go directly to my bedroom. I will absolutely be your Pass-Around Patty for the evening. What do you mean you’re straight? You said you were an ally to our community. PROVE IT.

I didn’t actually watch Superbowl. But I didn’t watch Downton Abbey either, so I’m kind of a happy medium gay when it comes to my gayness? Spoiler alert – the Ravens won, Beyonce STOMPED the shit out of the Superdome, and the extended Iron Man 3 ad is REALLY annoying.  We thought we’d commemorate their victory by calling out their hottest players. Agree or disagree? Who did we miss? Let us know!

- J. Harvey

Sean Considine

 

Justin Tucker (note the dick adjustment pic)

 

(Big straight ally) Brendon Ayanbadejo

 

Dennis Pitta

 

Honorable mention – Baltimore Ravens’ male cheerleaders