The Locker Room: Bruce Miller

Make way for ginge! Bruce Miller is #49 on the San Francisco 49ers. That must be a lot of responsibility. Good thing he’s pretty (like his teammate Colin Kaepernick). He may have lost the Superbowl this year, but he gets to be the redheaded giant of my sex fantasies. I picture him in a flimsy jockstrap using me as a tackling dummy. Make that a sexin’ dummy.

Admittedly, I feel a little guilty cuz’ I trolled Bruce’s Instagram for more pics of him. And there are all these happy pics of him with his ladyfriend, and his teammates and his dog. And they’re now on a gay blog. Well, don’t be hot then! There, that’s one moral conundrum cleared up with rapey logic.