Daddy Don’t: Le Langue Hookup and Why People Hate You
Sex is, sadly, increasingly transactional and likened to shopping from the Sears Wish Christmas catalogue. Fellas will list their “preferences” (as I have already discussed) in a casual, l’aissez-faire way to a point of post-racial racism, and the fun does not stop there.
You are using language that is so indecipherable, so personalized, that just reading a profile is like trying to teach cryptology to a five-year-old. Here are some words you use that are so dumb, you should probably just give up and go away. Like, actually, please return your branded queer cloak and scepter until you can live your life like a decent human being.
- Daddy Mayonnaise
Allow Daddy to translate a few commonly-used terms in gay hookup vernacular:
Usage: “Masc 4 Masc, no femmes.”
The standards for masculinity are so codified and strict. This ‘code,’ as I’ll call it, produces arbitrary limitations and fosters such overwhelming sameness that one cannot scan for sex without seeing the following: a man, sexily leaning, showcasing his abs or gut and emphasizing body hair. And no masc bro is complete without scowling as if angry/menacing, wearing a Jeremy Scott for Adidas costume and flexing some idea of musculature. “Natural” means hairy. Woof means, “You are deemed a bear by me, a person who hands out such designations with or without your investment in our culture.”
Masc, as it is written time and time again, means “man”. Sorry, everyone else, you’re ladies. This completely user-generated distinction of ‘masc’, which isn’t at all a word in the human world, is an example of how we create lines within our own community, following this habit of exploring preference with an attitude of “sorry, I’m not sorry”. When, in fact, we should be sorry for defining others when we are only humanly capable of defining ourselves.
Usage: “Non-scene, looking for gym buds and same.”
Do you leave your house? Do you interact with people? Do you occupy space and time? Well, friend, these are scenes or vignettes. You belong to them. You aren’t better or worse because you attend functions, so why bother even stressing this as an indicator of what you prefer. You are basically saying, “I am stupid and boring, looking for same.”
Usage: “STR8 Acting, UB2”
LOL. You are actually a homophobic asshole.
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