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Justin Bieber shirtless in All That Matters music video showing off his abs and half naked body and teehee, ugh, what is life?
December 3, 2013

Justin Bieber In The Best Softcore Faux-Lesbian Porno of The Year

Jokes about Justin Bieber looking like a lesbian are so played out, but really, how can you watch his new music video and not think about it? The pint-sized singer has basically appropriated every aspect of lesbian culture, right down to the style, swagger and dance moves. For better or worse, he’s doing what Madonna did to LGBT ball culture with 1990’s “Vogue” by thrusting lesbian romance into every single American household.

Is Justin Bieber the number one lesbian icon of 2013 or all of human history? Or is he an entitled culture rapist who deserves to fade into relevance? It’s impossible to say! You should probably ask a real lesbian, because I’m still confused that vaginas can do things like this or this.

All that matters (to me) is that the music video for “All That Matters” is vaguely sexy in ways that confuse my dick. I’m not looking at Justin Bieber and thinking that I want him to throw me up against a wall and plow me up the ass. I’m not looking at Justin Bieber and thinking that I want to devour his tiny ass and ram my shaft deep inside of him… But I might be looking at Justin Bieber and thinking that I’d jerk off to a lesbian porno starring him? This is starting to become problematic (and even more confusing), so I’ll just quit while I’m behind.

– Dewitt

Watch Justin Bieber in the best softcore lesbian porno of the year below:

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10 Comments - View all

Chris 1:59pm on July 8, 2014

And then drive into the Grand Canyon

  • James

    Justin Bieber needs to get on a bus with Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, & The Kardashians and drive off into the sunset, never to be heard from again. They’re all annoying.

  • dulcisgallo

    pop today is soooo fkn bad,, its so over processed and auto-tuned its nowhere even near real or relevant,, all these dumb ass producers thinkin they’re so slick,, i could do better with two tracks and garage band,, at least i’d keep it real, this is so ultra slick and douchey, it blows, all those tricky hang beats and shit, give us all a break,,,

  • Jimmy T

    Totally agree with the two previous comments. Bieber is OVER. Isn’t the world sick of this little twirp’s stupid public antics and his oh-so-ridiculous and annoying nasal vocals. For someone so WHITE to be trying so hard to be BLACK…it’s just not credible in any way. The people who have allowed this kid to become who he is have totally blown it.

  • plukasiak

    I happen to think its an excellent production of a song that is fatally marred by the hyper-autotuning of BIeber. Usher would have killed this vocal, and its the kind of track that should have been on Timberlake’s 20/20.

  • Hairylegs

    Teenage twerp who thinks he’s a lezzy, can’t sing, and packs a foreskin on his package to complete the package. Can it get any worse? (Probably doesn’t brush his teeth or use deodorant.) Barf city calling.

  • otherguynextdoor

    Also I don’t think he can have any less sexual chemistry with the woman in the video. Definitely odd to watch.

  • TaurusC19

    This video is so boring even Bieber looks bored. Also am I hearing the lyrics correctly is he actually singing ‘what’s a king bee without a queen”?

  • MSHornyGuy

    Sadly, I wasted 2 minutes of my life listening to/ watching this garbage. Couldn’t make it through to the end.
    And it’s “What’s a king, babe, without a queen”.

  • Re

    Justin Bieber looks so much like Miley Cyrus, they are probably the same person

  • Chris

    And then drive into the Grand Canyon