Seriously, none of the sexy male celebs in Hollywood are doing anything scandalous lately! It’s just the wrecked ones! Mel Gibson tried to help Whitney? He’s gross. Chris Brown is all over Twitter being a d-bag because people know he’s a d-bag? I don’t think I need to explain why there is no need for us to post more pics of that gremlin. Why can’t the sexy dudes do something scandalous? Huh?

In lieu of dirt, here’s some new pics of Ryan Gosling being Ryan Gosling. If I was still in high school, I would SO be doodling Mr. and Mr. Ryan Gosling all over the cover of my Algebra II book.

- J. Harvey

For more pics of Ryan Gosling, Follow the JUMP:

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That’s Gabriel Aubry. He’s the male equivalent of what they used to call “supermodels” in the late 80s/early 90s. Gabriel and actress Halle Berry were a thing, and they had a daughter (Nahla,3) together. The two of them have now both gone insane and they’re having one of those really unfortunate, messy, shrieky custody battles over their kid. It’s all very public, and basically insuring that they’re going to have themselves a Lindsay Lohan by 2030.

The latest news is that Halle is looking to take Nahla to live in France with her alleged fiance, actor Oliver Martinez. And Aubry is currently under investigation by L.A. County Dept. of Children and Family Services for endangering the kid. He reportedly shoved a nanny while she was holding the kid.

This just goes to show – pretty people have fucked-up lives like the rest of us.

- J. Harvey

For more pics of Gabriel (and more “Gay Ass Gossip”), Follow the JUMP:

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ITEM - TMZ posted these pics of Thor (Chris Hemsworth) and Matt Damon water-sliding in St. Bart’s. Damon’s looking pretty good. Hemsworth is just POW! Despite the misleading post title, Matt has a wife and kids and it was just announced that Hemsworth’s model girlfriend is pregnant with their first kid. So they didn’t make out in the ocean after sliding off that yacht and exchange handies under the waves. Fuck them! I’m bitter.

- J. Harvey

Photo credit: TMZ

For more pics of Chris and Matt (is Ben Affleck pissed?), Follow the JUMP:

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Hey, you raunchy sluts! I’m back! After a sojourn to Buffalo (long story), Manhunt Daily is once again grasping me tightly to her bosom. And by that I mean I am once again letting Dewitt fist me. KIDDING.

Did anyone watch the Golden Globes? Besides that AMAZING look that old queen Elton John threw Madonna’s win in the Most Irrelevant Song From A Movie category, there was some hotness on display. That hotness being George Clooney talking about how much he wanted to put Michael Fassbender’s dick in his butt. Seriously, he was ENRAPTURED over that schlong. We all are.

I like a guy in formalwear. I have a theory that just about everyone but Jonah Hill (he’s the worst) looks good in a tux. Do you agree?

p.s. Adam Levine does nothing but sit in a revolving chair on TV and look rock-starry as he spins around, but he is HHOOTT. Hence his captaining this post.

- J. Harvey

For more pics of Golden Globes hot dudes in penguin suits, Follow the JUMP:

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Admit it! Some of you want to fuck Simon Cowell. You want to throw him on his knees, grab hold of his fuzzy M00BS and shove your balls in his mouth (like the orange in the picture above). Sure, you can deny it all you want to, but we have it on record that more than half of you would hit it.

Now that we’ve established that you all secretly want to get motorboated by Simon’s titties, let’s look at these pictures of him teasing the paparazzi in Saint Barthelemy! Because this is what happens when J. Harvey‘s out of the office, and his less-awesome coblogger has to take over Gay Ass Gossip.

BTW: Stay tuned in for some shirtless pictures of Channing Tatum.

- Dewitt

Photo credit: ELIOT PRESS

Click through for more pics and life-changing gossip:

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