Just the Tips: Suck It In & Wrap It Up!

It's the handiest trick my mother ever taught me. Putting on a condom on using my mouth. (Thanks, ma!)

Cock connoisseurs may be well acquainted with the art of fellatious condonus, but a number of guys never do it because they're afraid of doing it wrong or they get turned off by the idea of a condom in their mouth (like that'd be the worst thing that's ever gone in there).

Well, bust out a banana and a Trojan and suck it up! Literally.

Start by puckering your lips, then open your mouth a bit. Take the condom and place it on your fingertip so that it looks like a sombrero (meaning the rolled up brim should be upwards). This is important because it won't work the other way. (Hopefully you all know that the other way is an improper way to use a condom).

With your lips in a slightly open kiss, suck in air as you place the condom/sombrero tip in your mouth. The rim of the condom should stay over your lips. Close your lips (not our teeth!) over the tip so as to let out the air and to allow them to get slightly under the condom rim.

Now, get your banana (or another man's cock, if it's readily available– maybe even your own if you're that flexible), and lunge forward! Place your condom covered lips on the head of his penis and force down against the condom rim with your lips as you open your mouth and take in the cock. Or banana. Make sure your lips remain tight and firmly on the appendage.

Go down as far as your gag reflex will allow, and that's it! You've now completed the hottest possible way to begin safe sex!

If you can only go a few inches down, and your man (or banana) is more than a few, use your hand (or better yet, both hands) to unwrap the rest. Use your full hand with firm, sweeping strokes so as to mimic a hand job.

Now go grab a banana! Or a big, fat dick. If you all are good this week, next week I'll teach you how to put a condom on with your asshole.

– Dr. Queerlove