Oh Hey, Here Are The 2013 Golden Globe Nominations…

It’s that time of the year when I feel like a douche-hat for never getting out to the movies! While I could follow the Grammy nominations on a basic level, the 2013 Golden Globe nominees read like a list of things I’d care about if I went out to see Argo instead of masturbating to Trent Locke‘s final scene for the 90,000th time.

I even feel out of touch with half of the television nominees! This makes absolutely no sense at all, because I spend a whole lot of time in front of my television. Maybe I should become a functioning member of society and start watching Homeland like a normal person? Unclear!

– Dewitt

Click through to see the full list of nominees:

Best Picture, Drama:
Argo
Django Unchained
Life of Pi
Lincoln
Zero Dark Thirty

Best Picture, Musical or Comedy:
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Les Misérables
Moonrise Kindgom
Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Silver Linings Playbook

Best Director:
Ben Affleck, Argo
Kathryn Bigelow, Zero Dark Thirty
Ang Lee, Life of Pi
Steven Spielberg, Lincoln
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

Best Actor, Musical or Comedy:
Jack Black, Bernie
Bradley Cooper, Silver Linings Playbook
Hugh Jackman, Les Miserables
Ewan MCGregor, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Bill Murray, Hyde Park on Hudson

Best Actress, Musical or Comedy
Emily Blunt, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen
Judi Dench, The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel
Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook
Maggie Smith, Quartet
Meryl Streep, Hope Springs

Best Actress, Drama
Jessica Chastain, Zero Dark Thirty
Marian Cotillard, Rust and Bone
Helen Mirren, Hitchcock
Naomi Watts, The Impossible
Rachel Weisz, The Deep Blue Sea

Best Actor, Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln
Richard Gere, Arbitrage
John Hawkes, The Sessions
Joaquin Phoenix, The Master
Denzel Washington, Flight

Best Supporting Actress:
Amy Adams, The Master
Sally Field, Lincoln
Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables
Helen Hunt, The Sessions
Nicole Kidman, The Paperboy

Best Supporting Actor:
Alan Arkin, Argo
Leonardo DiCaprio, Django Unchained
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Master
Tommy Lee Jones, Lincoln
Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

Best Screenplay:
Mark Boal, Zero Dark Thirty
Tony Kushner, Lincoln
David O’Russell, Silver Linings Playbook
Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained
Chris Terrio, Argo

Foreign Language Film:
Amour
A Royal Affair
The Intouchables
Kon-Tiki
Rust and Bone

Best Television Drama:
Breaking Bad
Boardwalk Empire
Downton Abbey
Homeland
The Newsroom

Best Television Comedy or Musical:
The Big Bang Theory
Episodes
Girls
Modern Family
Smash

Best Actress, Television Drama:
Connie Briton, Nashville
Glenn Close, Damages
Claire Danes, Homeland
Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey
Juliana Margulies, The Good Wife

Best Actor, Television Drama:
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom
Jon Hamm, Mad Men
Damien Lewis, Homeland

Best Actress, Television Comedy or Musical:
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Best Actor, Television Comedy or Musical:
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Louis C.K., Louie
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Best Supporting Actress, Television:
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Asylum
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family

Best Supporting Actor, Television:
Max Greenfield, New Girl
Ed Harris, Game Change
Danny Huston, Magic City
Mandy Patinkin, Homeland
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family

Best Miniseries or Television Movie:
Game Change
The Girl
Hatfields & McCoys
The Hour
Political Animals

Best Actor, Miniseries or Television Movie:
Kevin Costner, Hatfields & McCoys
Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock
Woody Harrelson, Game Change
Toby Jones, The Girl
Clive Owen, Hemingway & Gellhorn

Best Actress, Miniseries or Television Movie:
Nicole Kidman, Hemingway & Gellhorn
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Asylum
Sienna Miller, The Girl
Julianne Moore, Game Change
Sigourney Weaver, Political Animals