Yesterday, I was eavesdropping on a conversation between J. Harvey and another Manhunt colleague. Since my memory is shit, I don’t remember every little detail, but their dialogue somehow led to the suggestion that there should be a twerking contest at Bear Week in Provincetown. “I’d judge that,” I blurted out without a moment of hesitation.
This led to a whole other thing about how I need to enhance my personal brand by making public appearances beyond that one time they let me go to the Cybersocket Awards and film Ari Silvio finger-banging himself in an alley. In response, I was all like, “Aaaaaaah! People are scary and will have unrealistic expectations about my online persona, and I am awkward. Also, bye”… But maybe my dear co-blogger was on to something?!?!
While I didn’t immediately take initiative and auction my ass off at Boston’s Club Cafe last night, I’m going to try dipping my toes in the water by hosting an online “twerking” contest. There is a very good chance that none of you will enter, because you hate me and want me to die a fiery death in hell. I mean, if you don’t want to shake your ass for prizes and make my life worth living, then that’s totally fine! I won’t be mad. I won’t cry. I won’t resurrect my LiveJournal account to write angst-ridden entries about how I’m an outcast in the world of gay bloggers.
Here are the rules—-1) You must use Major Lazer‘s “Bubble Butt” as your song, 2) You must “twerk” to your best ability, 3) Really, just gyrate your hips and make your ass jiggle, 4) Jockstraps or briefs are encouraged, 5) Full nudity is also encouraged, 6) You are welcome to remain discreet and NOT show your face, 7) A dick-bouncing interlude would also not be the worst thing, and last but not least, 8) Post a link to your video in the comments section or e-mail it to daily@manhunt.net.
What do you get in return? I’ll have to think about it! Unlimited memberships to Manhunt are always an option, and I could always try to wrangle up a free membership to Fraternity X, Maverick Men or another popular gay porn site. If you live somewhere local, maybe I could take you out for lunch one day? Is that even enough incentive for you to do something as ridiculous as this? Maybe I could convince J. Harvey to come along too (especially if you’ve got a really nice butt). He’s good with small talk and interacting like a normal human being.
Basically? We’ll tailor your prize to your needs. You should enter because this is a fun, dumb thing to do and YOLO and Miley Cyrus and whatever. We’ll even bring Boulangerié Knowles as a guest judge.
– Dewitt
Hit the play button, listen to “Bubble Butt” and scroll through the pictures below:
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Yawn! how about conjuring up an original idea if at all possible? This shit is tired!
Here’s an original idea! Suck my dick.
(I meant that as a compliment. Your intellectual superiority was such a turn-on that I want to shoot a hot load of cum down your throat.)
GOD, I LOVE BIG ASSES!!!!
ahem. excuse me. i kind of went off there…
will Dewitt2it lead by example and post his TWERK’ing vid?
You guys better enter or I’m gonna enter. And you don’t want that.
If I get five entries by the end of the day, I’ll post my own twerking video.
Ugh. You’re SSSSOOOOOO above it all, Pandabear or pejorum or pentecostal or whatever your dumbass name is…
I’m going to try to convince him. Dewitt2it’s bubble butt is so big that he has two office chairs and two cubicles to contain it.
I feel you.
Don’t start such salacious rumors! They’ll just be horribly disappointed when they find out the truth… I HAVE NO BUTT.
I don’t think we’d be disappointed…we know that you’re a skinny guy, after all. Just go for it like you got some to spare!
Oh Scott! You’re a true charmer. Maybe you should enter yourself. 😛
I would, but I think a 49-year-old man “twerkin'” would qualify as the definition of ridiculousness. You’re not the only one who is socially awkward. 😉
whoa, I NEVER tire of looking at (or playing with ,or rimming, or fucking) mens asses. Conjure up some more Dewitt…..please 🙂
Are there seriously people even being catty about this? ‘Not an original idea’? Well IMHO, this is the best kind of post EVER!!!!! However, Dewitt, if I may offer a bit of constructive criticism, the only way to truly have this contest be fair is to have each of these guys sit on a volunteer judge’s face. I would be more than happy to do the honors.
A 49 year-old man “twerking” sounds like my idea of a wet dream. You know I’ve got a thing for hot daddy ass!
I’m doing everything I can! Bubble butts like these don’t just grow on trees, you know.
You make a very good point… But would it be unfair if I sampled each ass first? A taste-test might be necessary for this contest.
I beg to differ 😉
To add, I have a few extra DVDs of Dragon Media’s “Men In The Sand” and “After The Heist” for anyone who’s willing to enter.
These are available on a first come, first serve basis… Or I guess a first twerk, first serve basis?
I will also accept submissions set to this song: http://youtu.be/isb8ab3qRZM
How long does one have to put together a silly video…is there a submission deadline…because it might take a minute.
No deadline as of yet, but if it helps you get it done… Next Friday?
hmm very tempting.
Give in to temptation! There’s free porn on the line.
Just save some of the good stuff for me. :o)
i wish my ass looked like that….i have flat cheeks it sux lol
Love Nick Sterling’s ass!!
from now on, when someone pisses me off, i’m going to say “go enter yourself”. i love it.
K… 🙂
I’m basically going to enter because of Boulangerie…and free porn (always been curious about Maverick Men videos). Hope I win.
If you win, I’ll have Boulangerie write the entry announcing your victory.
It’s still good if it’s covered in my saliva! If anything, I’ll get ’em nice and warmed up for you.
WHO DOESN’T?
I entered!
Entered!
OH YES YOU DID.