You’re so vain, I bet you think this post is about you. And you’re wrong. It’s about my coworker and established arch nemesis Boulangerié Knowles, who rolled up into Manhunt headquarters one day, asked to write about music and clearly performed sexual favors on someone to get her job here. It continues to baffle me that her posts receive so much traffic. Is she sucking dick for page-views too? She must be. There’s no other explanation for that talentless hack’s success.
Oh, and you want to know something else? She‘s the one who encouraged Gay Evan to blog for Manhunt Daily. If I have to edit one more blatantly biased post about Lady Gaga, I am going to steal Boulangerié’s beloved vial of Liam Payne‘s semen and toss it out the window. Ugh! Do you even know what she had to do to get him hired? Hint! It starts with an “a” and ends with a “nal sex”.
I would really like to bring you more international pop tunes, up-and-coming queer artists, catchy indie-rock stompers and vintage sex jams by Alan Thicke, but this crazy-ass bitch keeps monopolizing my time and sneaking in dishonest sexual accounts about her (alleged) flings with Enrique Iglesias, The Wanted and the Jonas Brothers.
There’s literally nothing I can do about it! The bosses love her and, admittedly, she brings in good traffic. My only option is to accept defeat, blast the new Sleigh Bells song “Bitter Rivals” and freak the fuck out like a lunatic. You are welcome to join me, if you share my frustration.
– Dewitt
Watch the music video for “Bitter Rivals” below:
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I thought there’d be more posts tagged “people who lick balls to get ahead in a professional environment”