Drawn To You: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

I’m already sort of shaking my head about this one, and I’ve barely started.

I don’t totally know how to explain this, but it seems like – as much as I was impacted by the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a kid (and I still distinctly remember silently crying as a little boy watching the first movie on HBO when Raphael (obvs. the BEST turtle – ask anybody) was unconscious and maybe dying in April’s family’s farmhouse after escaping the foot clan), apparently others were more impacted, and in a slightly different way. For me, there was nothing especially sexual about the turtles, and I always found it weird and slightly suspicious that they ever made remarks or lusted after human women.  You’re turtles.  You should be ogling whatever parts of other turtles are especially sex-oriented. I’m not a turtle – I don’t know what parts those are.

But I digress. We’re here because I can’t withhold this strange collection of TMNT erotica from you anymore. I don’t understand it (true!). I don’t relate to it (mostly true!). I can’t deny that some of it is a liiiiiiittle bit hot (stop judging me!). But here’s the world we live in:

Now I’m not totally comfortable with Splinter being involved in these for reasons I can’t totally explain. But also, WHY do they all have big human-shaped penises??? I’ve never understood that aspect of furry illustration styles. Like. Why don’t they have whatever kinda dicks real turtles have? Oh. Dewitt covered that? That’s handy.

Here’s a really thorough tumblr, in case all of this wasn’t enough for you!

-tyler

Previously: DRAWN TO YOU: NINJA TURTLE SEX MUSEUM