ITEM – Hollywood remaking everything makes me want to punch myself in the nuts. The latest turd a’brewin’ in the bowels of Starshine City is a remake of The Crow. Argh! The first one is a pretty good, schlock-Gothy action flick. And the poor guy (Brandon Lee) DIED making it. Isn’t there some sort of rule that you probs shouldn’t reboot a flick if the last guy gave a great performance and then bit it ON SET? Money-grubbing sluts with no respect. The only slightly redeeming part of this whole shitshow is that Bradley Cooper is reportedly in talks to play morbid hero Eric Draven. Not that I think Cooper can pull this off. I can’t think of any actor LESS suited to play a reanimated male version of Emily the Strange with superpowers. I’m just hopeful he loses his shirt a lot and there’s an ass shot or two.
– J. Harvey
For more Gay Ass Gossip (we got some Taylor Lautner on deck, ladies!), Follow the JUMP:
ITEM – In a total bullshit move, ABC Television has axed two of their long-running soap operas, All My Children and One Life To Live. Erica Kane Martin Brent Cudahy Chandler Montgomery Chandler Marick Montgomery and Viki Lord Burke Riley Buchanan Carpenter Davidson Banks (seriously, these bitches were into husbands) should handle this! Those are the two divas who have been running Pine Valley and Llanview for aeons, and now they’re being replaced with some busted cooking shows? Viki needs to summon one of her many evil alternate personalities (total mental health realness) to have a little sitdown with the ABC brass. Too sad. The bohunk in the pic is actor Mark Lawson of One Life. Dude can’t act but they have him take his shirt off a lot, so OLTL has remained on my DVR.
ITEM – So how much actual dancing did Natalie Portman DO for her Oscar-winning turn as a psychotic ballerina in Black Swan? Not that much, according to her ballet stand-in Sarah Lane. There’s been an ongoing battle in the press between Lane (who claims she did about 85% of the dancing in place of Nat) and Team Portman (which is made up of her hot babydaddy Benjamin Millepied and the movie’s director Darren Aronofsky). They claim Lane did about 5% and Nat herself was on pointe pretty much the whole time. In a new interview with tv newsmagazine 20/20, Sarah says eff that! “I’ve been doing this for 22 years, and to say that someone trained for a year and a half and did what I did is degrading not only to me but to the entire ballet world. They threaten the entire principle of ballet and I feel like I need to say something.” Ballet is in danger, girl! She might just be mad that Nat didn’t thank her in her Oscar acceptance speech. That’s cold.
ITEM – Christ, looking at that poster you would think the damn movie was a one-twink show. So the trailer for Taylor Lautner‘s new epic Abduction is out. The strapping youth plays a…some kind of…teen superspy? Whatevs, it looks wretched (he delivers his lines like he’s ordering sushi), but the gays will FLOCK to this shit. They *heart* Jacob as much as they hate sparkle motion vampire Edward. We had a product manager here at Manhunt that was so obsessed with him that he literally had “Lautner” as his last name on Facebook. Yikes. Oh, and if there was any doubt Taylor actually likes boys, it’s been proven now. Trailer for Abduction below (slap your agent, Sigourney):
Gawd… Taylor Lautner could read the phone book and I’d still want to do him!
please someone stop him from tweezing his eyebrows like that , wtf ??? whos doing that to him and why do people find that sexy ……
Okay. I heard about this The Crow BS from a friend a few days ago. I started swearing worse than Foghorn Leghorn uncensored.
And I watched the link about Taylor on Youtube. Holy shit, he really is one of us.
Can’t wait to see this Taylor L. film. Wall to wall action…plus eye candy. YUM!!!!
Whoa! I watched that youtube link with Lautner too, and OMG, she is SO GAY!
…and his nose gets wider by the day. He really should get that fixed, ’cause by the time he’s 25, it’s gonna be all over his face.
Was so pissed about the cancellation of One Life to Live and All My Children. Esp One Life still of my favorite soaps. The only reason i haven’t kept up with it is i am too busy to keep up with 5 episodes a week. They should just cut down amount of episodes. I wonder also if they take in account the airing’s from Soapnet. If they don’t then its fucking bullshit.
And as to the Crow. I as so sick of remakes. Instead of remaking it they should clean it up and put it on Blu-Ray with tons of special features. The crow is one of my favorite movies of all time. Just unfortunate that the sexy Brandon Lee died in it (and in the city where I live at).
Lastly I am ashamed of you Dewitt for not posting sexy shirtless picks of Bradley Cooper ;p. With that sexy hairy muscled chest I want to lick up and down before I… Oh sorry Blanche moment.
Good lord, Miss Lautner is getting top billing on a movie, an action flick no less? May it crash and burn. Never paid attention to him before, but he does seem like a big ol’ gurl from that clip. Sigourney does need the work, apparently.
how does liking Brittney make you a homo?? I have some str8 friends who like her and they are truly str8!
Okay… So this week I want to fuck Bradley Cooper and Mark Lawson. I have no time (or extra lube) to spare on Lautner or that other dude…. Good job again J. Harvey.
Abduction kinda looks Bourne Identity-ish. Might be worth checking out.
Lautner just became the new Tom Cruise…
is it just me or does Abuction remind anyone of Bourne Identity?
I’m pretty sure there were like four more Crow movies, except they were all direct to TV or something.
Just saw the Abduction preview at the begining of Scream 4. Looks better on the big screen. lol! As for the Crow remake. They should take a line from Scream 4. “Number one rule of a remake. DON’T FUCK WITH THE ORIGINAL!” Awesome line. lol!
Liking Britney does not make Taylor gay. It’s the way in which he says he likes Britney that makes him gay.
And when will that closet case Ryan Seacrest finally fade from the public eye?
Matt damon’s shoes are pretty hard to fill.
What male producer is Lautner sleeping with? His looks ain’t that great, his acting is even more uneventful, and about all he can offer is a defined body (Let’s face it, so do thousands of other hot young wanna be’s who haven’t been given a chance.), so he’s got to have some powerful connection to keep getting roles–especially top billing roles. He’s like, as Bettye Davis called them, the “sweater actresses” of the 50’s and 60’s. All they had to deliver was big boobs in tight sweaters to keep the audiences interested. This is true with Lautner.
His voice does get gayer as the trailer goes on.
I saw Hanna this weekend. Saiorse Ronan and her bleached brows can kick his ass. If there is anyone more fitting to “be the next Bourne”, it’s her.
Mark Lawson is one of the best supporting actors on OLTL. So yes… dude CAN act.
Taylor is so gay its retarded. He sounds like my last boyfriend who decided he wasn’t gay either LOL
What low level trash talking negative promotion of gays against life talk in your review of others. And as for Lautner please – if he’s gay or straight – who gives a crap. When does outting become anything more then aggression and hurtful when it’s done without consent? Get a life
or another career, I’d never read the gossip that has nothing nice to say about anyone again! It’s disgusting and demeaning. Grow up! Let’s be better then that, men!
Taylor Lautner in a wrestling singlet? That’s worth the price of admission alone!
The movie look exciting.
I gotta say, I’m looking forward to Abduction…BUT I’ll be in Italy when it comes out! I hope they will have it there…
@ sabazius25
totally.
This movie I do want to see when it comes out. And I don’t go out to movies that offend.
the taylor lautner movie trailer? movie’s probably gonna be pure shite & I can’t think of a more inappropriate song to use