She was always my favorite one. It’s true. I always thought she was the best actor of the bunch. Plus, she brought us Steve – and Steve was a hot piece of ass. Cynthia Nixon, pictured above with her fiance, came out as a lesbian in 2004. She recently told the New York Times (via the Huffington Post) that her current sexual identity of gay was a choice. I know we don’t talk much about gay women on Manhunt Daily, and some of you already scrolled up because the only dick that could be involved in this situation has straps, but check out what she said:
I gave a speech recently, an empowerment speech to a gay audience, and it included the line ‘I’ve been straight and I’ve been gay, and gay is better.’ And they tried to get me to change it, because they said it implies that homosexuality can be a choice. And for me, it is a choice. I understand that for many people it’s not, but for me it’s a choice, and you don’t get to define my gayness for me. A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out. I say it doesn’t matter if we flew here or we swam here, it matters that we are here and we are one group and let us stop trying to make a litmus test for who is considered gay and who is not.”
And then I got to thinking (and this was not easy for me, cuz’ I am one vapid hoe) about this matter. Personally, I believe I was born this way. And that’s the argument we mainly use against the ‘phobes – that it’s our nature. Many of us believe that being gay is as determined for us as heterosexuality is for straight people, and we ask (most famously) who would CHOOSE to be persecuted, killed, treated like a second-class citizen, etc.? She’s asking why is it a bad thing that someone chooses to be with the same sex? What’s the big deal if you want to be with someone whose genitalia matches your own? I totally see her point, and it made me ponder, but is her statement sort of dismantling one of the tenets of our struggle for equal rights? I know “struggle for equal rights” is drama momma, but you know what I’m saying!
I’m dying to know, what do YOU think?
– J. Harvey
p.s. This IS Manhunt and I should state that I think her ladyfriend is kinda hot.
I ADORE Cynthia Nixon for making this kind of argument and intervention into a rhetoric about gay identity that I consider politically short-sighted. As someone who has experienced his attraction to men as something that wasn’t chosen, I want to affirm that gayness–or, in my case, queerness–is definitely a choice. It is a choice to be out; it is a choice to have a particular sexual politics; it is a choice to identify myself with other oppressed people because of experienced oppression. At the same time, as many of the bisexual men who visit this site can attest, the choice of a sexual partner at any given moment, for any given encounter, for any given relationship (short or long term) may be more of a choice than the rhetoric of being “born this way” can allow. (And if we think that that rhetoric isn’t damaging, scroll back to any post that takes bisexuality as its focus and read the venom spewing forth.) And, finally, as a feminist, it has always disturbed me that I define myself by an identity that excludes the erotic attraction of women tout court. Should we be disturbed by that?
Eve Sedgwick famously argued that there is no investigation into the cause of homosexuality that is innocent. Almost any investigation into origins assumes that there is something wrong with the phenomena at hand. After all, as we also so famously assert, no one ever asks if one is born or chooses heterosexuality. What would it mean if, like Nixon, we took an entirely different take to “defending” homosexuality? What would it mean if our politics was built on a defense of pleasure, of the joy of not being alienated from one’s body and one’s desire, of a radical embrace of sexual variation?
Such a politics would, I think, require gay men–and straight men, and straight women, and lesbian–to rethink their own sense of identity and their own sense of legitimacy, but it seems like the plurality of our lives would flourish in the way that a more stilted, circumscribed notion of identity simply doesn’t allow.
I think what she’s talking about is choosing to act on her orientation which, in a sense, is what we all do.
It’s unfortunate the way she phrased it, but it is, I think, something fundamental to coming out. We either choose to act on our orientation or we don’t.
But here’s the difference, and yes it’s a fine point, but an essential one – we choose the ACTION, we do NOT choose the orientation.
Yay – heady discourse!
What she says makes sense because there is no such thing as sexual identity wrapped up in orientation. Civilization recognized that sexual acts did not define specific orientations until the 20th century, because they were and are too inherently flexible to assign people to labels. Same sex attraction may not be a choice, but identifying as gay is. The gay movement is already trying to monopolize the definition of gayness to limit itself to respectful bourgeois androphilia, for reasons of political expediency.
I think there is a component of choice in sexual identity. And that choice can run counter to what “nature” would suggest.
I do not think it dismantles our cause or our identities to allow that choice, in some cases, can result in someone being one identity rather than another. But if Nixon gets it, so does Bachman.
I think the real problem people will have is in letting men choose their sexuality. “But he’s so gay, he’s gotta suck cock.” Well, maybe he doesn’t. Is it our place to choose for him?
well like, i’ve always been confused about bisexuality. but what of Cynthia is just a bisexual. But if she is stating that she biologically prefers same-sex, than there is really no problem. I mean, when i was hiding my homosexuality, i got hard with my girlfriends and there are so many men in heterosexual marriages who are gay but have had sex with women and have kids. so like, a lot of people have been straight but prefer to be gay. or are bisexual. i don’t know
I agree with her completely, I’ve been asked by many people if I think I was born gay or became one, but I think it doesn’t really matter either way, I am what I am and personally I love it. Who would chooe to be gay? Well I for one totally would, I don’t think it was a choice for me nor have met anyone who does, but if there’s someone out there who chooses to be gay I don’t think it’s any more or less a legitimate homosexual than the rest of us
I concur wholeheartedly. I’ve always thought the ‘born this way’ argument was pussying out, a way of conforming to the naturalistic fallacy of homophobic essentialists. The point is, there’s nothing wrong with being gay – so there should be nothing wrong with choosing to be gay.
I think what Cynthia Nixon is expressing is absolutely true from both a logical and psychological perspectives. If we put human sexuality on a graph for the majority of the population with being straight at one end and gay on the other…the largest number of people would fall in the middle of the graph. Therefore being in a position to choose their sexual orientation. This would also explain homophobia as the majority fear having to make that choice and follow societal conventions.
Really? Doesn’t anyone else here see that “she was born that way”, she’s bi-sexual, attracted to both sexes. Gayness for me comes from not having the opposite sex attraction, but something in between. Some of us like our own sex, some both, some feel they are trapped in bodies that don’t match their minds, etc……….. I do think it’s dangerous for her to say it’s her choice. It isn’t. She wouldn’t be with a woman if she wasn’t attracted to one, how is that a choice? It’s an unfortunate wording and one that could be debated until the cows come home with no resolution. I think this could potentially hurt a lot of kids struggling with what they are feeling. This makes them feel guilty about having the feelings they are having. I would hate to think that words I chose to use could be a catalyst for someone hurting themselves. We know kids are hurting themselves over the turmoil in their heads. As adults we need to think about this and be careful choosing our words. We have a responsibility as adults to think about the ramification’s of the words we choose.
I celebrate being attracted to men because I was “born this way”.
@Will – you are mistaking sexual orientation as an identity with mere attraction, and that’s what I most dislike about the social attitudes of the 21st century. She obviously didn’t choose who she’s attracted to, but she did assign a label to herself by her own free will, and that’s a different thing.
It’s a hypocritical attitude anyway (the one that does not allow for separation between sexual attraction and sexual identity) because the modern gay movement is all about Bowdlerization and keeping the definition narrow.
Personally, I was born this way, I tried being straight and it was an unpleasant experience; coming out as gay made a huge positive impact on my life and I’m much happier and peaceful with life.
@ByronBritten – I think Nixon make a choice to be with a woman, and she made a choice to be with a man earlier in her life. That is indeed a choice on her part, and that is her truth and there is nothing wrong with that. But since she never express any doubt about the truthfulness of any of her relationships, would that not make her bisexual? I think the problem some of us have is her using the ‘gay’ label solely because of her current same sex relation. If she had said she is bisexual and choose to be with a woman, that would be a totally different, and apparently more accurate, statement. Nobody should define her sexual identity for her. But obvious she feels she need to self identify as ‘gay’ to be seen as legitimate. (And the gay community has only themselves to blame, being sometimes outright hostile towards bisexuals as closeted fence sitter.) I think she is just using the wrong terminology to describe her situation. Her feeling of choosing to be with a woman instead of a man is perfectly understandable to me. Just that some of us do not innately have that choice, and using the same ‘gay’ ‘label’ is just inaccurate.
(P.S. I don’t agree her ‘gay is better’ sentiment at all. Same sex relationship may work better for her, and that’s great. But I don’t see what is so damn superior in my relationship over straight relationships.)
from what i can tell, bisexuals are attracted to or like to have sex with both sexes. so why does a bisexual have to choose one sex to have sex with over the other. if cynthia nixon has been with both sexes and enjoys them both, then for her it is a “choice” to be with another woman. but for homosexuals and heterosexuals, it’s not a choice. so, she is right…for her.
i totally understand the significance of this post and am kinda surprised by it frankly. i will leave the pondering of what cynthia nixon said to others who are more eloquent than myself. just want to say, the P.S. part of this cracked me up! her “lady” friend is kinda manly hot, i totally agree!
it looks like a man she’s with now
I think it is much more common for women’s sexualities to be fluid and not as hard-wired, (especially in Hollywood). That is why lesbians are far more possessive and paranoid about their partners jumping ship and going straight – they’ve all seen it happen in the past. On the contrary, once a man admits/commits to being gay, it’s pretty much a sure bet he’s staying put. As for Ms. Nixon’s case, I do think her comments somewhat discount the experience of the majority of homosexuals and gives ammunition to the right wing that we have a choice. My feeling is once DOMA goes and ENDA is passed then she can have all the choice she wants. Until then, I think she should keep her comments to herself.
And for the record, if no one pointed out her “fiance” was a woman I would just assume she was marrying an ugly man. What’s up with that Cynthia?
that’s a good point. Gay guys choosing to be straight. I never saw it that way. But at the same time, i don’t tolerate those closeted guys who harm the gay community. Those guys, they should be shot!
Ive often run afoul of many of my friends for discussing the amount of choice that I personally feel was involved in my own sexual identity. I also accept that what I think of as choice could also be my rationalization of a biological impulse. I’m essentially attracted to both men and women, but Ive found little to no romantic comfort in my relationships with women. They were stifling, uncomfortable, and short lived. However, relationships with men, even when short term have had an ease and been more fulfilling and revelatory. So now I say, whether it was a choice or not, being gay is the choice I would make because it’s better.
This is how i see it: Ms Nixon is bisexual but prefers to be with women. So, it makes sense that she chose a female partner. But that is the thing, we gays dont have that choice because we are attracted to one single sex. The same goes for lesbians and heterosexuals. I think it is unfair to put bisexuals in the same boat as gays and lesbians, we don’t have the same variables. The sense of choice is exclusive to them. They can one day decided to be with a men, next week with a woman. As for gays and lesbians, because we are attracted to one sex (same-sex), we are trapped. The only “choice” we get is to accept our homosexuality or not.
Anyway, If the ‘phobes want to use Ms Nixon’s example to emphasis the fact that the gays and lesbians “have” a choice, just use that argument. Or a better one if you have one.
PS: Will Nixon go back to men at some point?? It is a possibility. That is a trait of bisexuality amazes me.
I didn’t choose to be gay, but, knowing what I now do, I would have if I could have. I view it that i have led and am leading a much more interesting life as a result of being gay.
There is a theory that it’s different for women–that if Cynthia likes a beefy redheaded dude in a suit that she will also like a beefy redheaded woman in a suit. Her brother on the other hand would prefer a butch woman to a femme man if for some reason he were forced to choose between those two options. In other words, women like characteristics, men like actual genders. I’m inclined to think that this theory is less than half BS, although you can certainly find many people is doesn’t apply to.
I completely agree with what she has to say. She points out that we don’t all have to live the same story to end up with the same ending. Being gay!
To be honest at times I find the gay community to be very hypocritical, more so that the straight community.
Prime example is that a large percentage of gays don’t believe in bi-sexuality, yet they spend their entire lives trying to tell straight people that they are judgmental for not accepting gay people.
Its really time gays stop judging people who are almost like them and begin accepting them – no matter the minor differences.
If Cynthia Nixon decided to be gay then embrace it. She is one of us no matter how she got here!
If you can’t accept your own how can you expect others to accept all gays!!! Don’t just talk the talk!
Absolutely, whole heartedly agree.
The funny thing is, her initial statement was perfect. Her response was unnecessary — but also perfect.
For me personally, I see transgender issues as a choice. You are born with your chromosomes, and you cannot change your sex any more than you can change into a cat. If you are born with one genotype but wish to mask your phenotype, that’s your choice. And, while I don’t think it’s the best choice, why the hell should my opinion have anything to do with your legal and societal right to make that choice?
Most of us, I suspect, are born wired to be attracted to who we’re attracted to. What we do about that IS a choice.
Ultimately, the point is… We can be true to ourselves and pursue happiness, or we can conform to someone else’s idea of “normal” and suffer through cognitive dissonance the rest of our lives. Anyone who does not believe in that fundamental human right is suffering from their own cognitive dissonance, and we can’t spend our lives fretting about what they might take the wrong way.