Kris Allen has everything to be happy about right now. Against all odds, he beat out Adam Lambert and became the winner of American Idol.
With all this success, there's still something missing in his life! It's not love, and unfortunately it's not a big dick in his butt. He's already got Jesus in his life, so what could it be?
Surprise! It's chest hair. In response to a reporter's question, Allen said, "I do have a little bit…But it's really patchy and nasty looking. So I want man chest hair."
We could certainly help get him a man with chest hair, but sadly we can't help him grow his own pectoral forest. Sorry Kris!
– Dewitt
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