An Interview with Ed of Things4Fun.com

I have what you could call an oral fixation; need to start my day sucking on a delicious cigarette. What did you think I was going to say? We’ll get to the sex in a minute don’t you worry. Anyways, Monday morning was no different apart from the mystery man I had on the phone while I pulled my drug of choice down a hard little tube (as so many do.) He had a stoic voice, in control, and ready for anything. Not to mention that you’ve got to love an early riser.

All I knew for sure was that his name is Ed and he sells the KINKIEST sex toys around. It took a minute, but he told me the story of how he came to be a preeminent facilitator of monster dildos, tight cock rings, e-stims, and even sounding rods for those that like to turn their dick into a pussy.

Personally I’m a fan of their celebrity line of love dolls and political wind-up toys. I already ordered myself a Beatin’ Barack. I’m still on the fence between Just-in-Beaver or Ryan’s Secrets. Seriously look this shit below, it’s hilarious!

 

                   

 

So like most of us, Ed started in the 80’s working for a company so fucking gutted by now they don’t even own their name anymore. He lives in Ft Lauderdale (shout outs to Wilton Manors!) and before sex toys, he maintained BBS software for a 300 bit modem at a time when barebacking was potentially a death sentence.

We are here to talk about Ed.. that magnificent bastard. I asked him “How did you get into the sex toy industry?” He said “It was simple. I was drinking with my partner and we had the idea.” What he doesn’t mention is the tenacity it takes to rise to prominence as the hottest and especially as the gayest. I pause to light a cigarette, there are 1500 miles between us, but I can feel the tension.

“What’s your ideal customer?” “What? I don’t know. Someone who buys our products? *laughs* seriously though what helps us provide our service is communication.” “Your customers sometimes have trouble communicating what, their desires?” “Yes and now we often get questions like ‘what toy is best for my spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend etc’ and I always tell them ‘Ask them!’ You won’t know if you never ask.” I can’t help but agree with him there. No matter what your deal is, communication is the key to having the best orgasms.

I paused sensing he had more to say when he sprung a juicy surprise on me. “I could definitely tell you my worst customer though!” “Please indulge me.” What he precedes to describe was a time with a hateful curmudgeon keyboard warrior who’s only fucking contact info was an AOL account! What a fuck boy! Apparently this douche left one nasty review on one of those scam customer review sites and the shit post is still haunting his business to the day. The bitch!
Alas I digress, he was too nice to say what I just told you and went on to say: “…Customer service is really what sets us apart. We are discrete enough that many of our clients are more than comfortable ordering routinely to places of work or public PO boxes. You will never get a box with Things4Fun.com on the side; as far as after the box is opened, well, that’s on you.” “Speaking of what’s in those boxes, what would you say is your big ticket item?” “Could be anything at one time or another…currently our hottest item is the mega stretch cock ring.” “Any idea why?” Stupid question but it provoked an interesting reply: “Honestly the demand seems almost random and at the end of the day I can’t provide something I don’t know about.”

“How do you mean?” “A good example of this was a few weeks ago when a customer was looking for a double dildo with one side smaller than the other. I thought it seemed simple but apparently, it’s not. We had to custom order it.” “Do you make other custom dildos as well?” “We actually offer a wide range of do it yourself body molds for making your own dildos, cock shaped chocolates, and candles.” I thought to myself perfect for anyone who has ever wanted to literally fuck themselves. “Sounds like your sensitive to new trends; any innovations on the horizon?” “Our manufacturers are always cooking up new ideas.”

If I hadn’t run out of cigarettes I would’ve listened to that sultry voice all day but cravings can be a bitch like that. I thanked him for his time and hung up the phone. He had made his case in very few words and I was convinced. This man is a man of the people whether those people are into anal, oral, S&M, latex, rubber, being a sub with a cock mask or a dom greedily filling holes with mint enemas. Things4Fun.com is the place to procure your instruments.

Also, not that there’s anything wrong with being loud and proud, but, seriously, for those looking to be a bit more incognito about their cock stretchers and butt plugs there is no better spot online than Things4Fun.com. I mean call me a freak but I think gas masks are sexy!

-Nerve