ANTM: Patrick Demarchelier

If you missed last night’s episode of America’s Next Top Model, you didn’t really miss all that much. Tyra Banks channeled Meryl Streep in The Devil Wears Prada, shouting out the memorable line, “Get me Demarchelier!” Well, she didn’t technically ever say those words, but the presence of French photographer Patrick Demarchelier made me wish she did.

The nine remaining contestants posed their best for Demarchelier’s camera, as they walked along on Rodeo Drive. While the resulting shots were boring as fuck, we can least take comfort in the fact that they were beautiful. So who went home? Who took the best picture? You’ll have to click through to find out!

– Dewitt

To see the pictures and read more about this episode, follow the JUMP:

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1. ANN (LW – 1): To quote Top Model judge André Leon Talley, this was “Beyond. Everything. Ever!” Even though Ann looked extremely awkward on set, she still managed to take the best pictures of the bunch. Are we looking at the competition’s winner? Or will she be defeated due to her inability to interact with other human beings?

2. JANE (LW – 9): After resting on the brink of extinction in last week’s episode, Jane has flipped the switch and rocketed to the top of the pack. For once, she doesn’t look like she’s posing for a low-budget 1990s porn shoot! This bitch makes it look easy.

3. KENDAL (LW – 8): Why won’t Kendal ever photograph as well as she looks off-camera? At least this time we can blame it on Lori Goldstein’s awful styling. As much as Kendal sold that outfit, it really doesn’t work for her proportions! She did the best for what they gave to her…

4. ESTHER (LW – 6): Esther is too cute for high fashion. Because she’s so fucking charming, the judges are going to overlook this for a few more eliminations. But what happens when they start delivering harsh criticism out of nowhere? It’s going to break her aborable, little heart… On a completely unrelated note, how have they done so well at hiding her ginormous boobies? It baffles me.

5. CHRIS (LW – 2): This upsets me for so many reasons, and they have nothing to do with the pictures above. Chris is on the wrong cycle of America’s Next Top Model. Perhaps it’s the fluffy pink skirt, but this shit is right out of the pages of Seventeen magazine. Where’s Ann Shoket when you need her?

6. CHELSEY (LW – 3): Poor Chelsey! With five weeks of Ann stealing the spotlight, her inner demons and frustrations are starting to get the best of her. Take into the account that she was so nervous in front of Demarchelier, and you’ve got yourself one hot mess of a photo shoot.

7. LIZ (LW – 5): Um, is this the JCPenney catalogue? These shots are cheesier than The Stinky Cheese Man. Based on this performance, Liz should have been in the bottom two. We were rooting for her in the beginning, but she needs to step up her game and stop the whining.

8. KAYLA (Bottom Two, LW – 4): Oh, hell to the no! The judges tried to snatch away our token lesbian, because the stupid stylist gave her extremely uncomfortable shoes. We know you’re supposed to model through the pain, but Kayla remained one-hundred percent professional under these circumstances. It’s not her fault that they screwed her over.

9. KACEY (Eliminated, LW – 7): You know Kacey had better photos than this. The producers must have realized that we’ve had enough of her bitchiness, so they took this opportunity to throw her under the bus. We hope she enjoyed her shopping spree in the CoverGirl aisle of Walmart…