This isn’t an empty accusation. If will.i.am wins today’s round of Aural Fixation, we are going to cancel this feature. We could forgive you for voting for Cazwell and LMFAO. We’re still recovering from that time you voted for Chris Brown‘s “Wet The Bed”, a song that’s literally about soaking sheets with vagina juices.
But if you voted for a song that makes multiple references will.i.am’s penis? It would take things to a whole other level of awfulness. Make the right decision. Vote for Kelly Clarkson, Ke$ha or DJ Shadow. Yes, I just encouraged you to vote for a song by Ke$ha. That’s how serious this is.
– Dewitt
Click through to listen and cast your vote:
will.i.am f/ Jennifer Lopez & Mick Jagger – T.H.E. (The Hardest Ever): As if it weren’t enough for Mick Jagger to destroy his legacy by joining a supergroup with fucking Joss Stone, now he’s singing about “going hard” on a song by the Black Eyed Peas most annoying member (and that’s saying a lot). If you need a few reasons to NOT vote for this song, we present the following:
• “I’mma work hard, that’s my thesis. This beat is a shit, feces.” – will.i.am
• “I’mma go hard like a motherfuckin’ boner.” – will.i.am
• “I woke up in the morning, hard like morning wood in the morning.” – will.i.am
• “Hard like geometry, trigonometry. This is crazy! Psychology” – Mick Jagger
Kelly Clarkson – Stronger (What Doesn’t Kill You): This is what you sing to a bottom when he’s saying “ouch” too much. Just kidding! It’s a Kelly Clarkson empowerment anthem about being an independent woman, feeling inspired, breaking away, learning to fly and blah blah blah. While it’s probably not the best soundtrack for butt sex, it’s definitely better than will.i.am.
Ke$ha f/ Wiz Khalifa, Andre 3000, T.I. & Lil Wayne – Sleazy 2.0 Remix (Get Sleazier): You know this is serious when I’d rather have sex to a Ke$ha song featuring a rapper who thought it was hilarious when Tracy Morgan made jokes about stabbing his (hypothetical) gay child.
DJ Shadow f/ Yukimi Nagano of Little Dragon – Scale It Back: The song doesn’t kick in until around the fifty-second mark in this video. Give it a chance. It doesn’t have a throbbing beat like a Rihanna song or anything, but there’s still something sexy about it, right? Right? RIGHT?
I voted for Will.I.Am just because you said not to 🙂
If you just want to cancel this section, just do it, but don’t use a song as an excuse. I know it’s awful, but knowing the taste of people here, it will get a lot of votes because it’s got J-Lo prancing around on it.
I voted for will.i.am in the hope that you WILL cancel this feature; it’s not my favorite.
Truth be told, it’s not MY favorite either. I’d rather be writing about penises.
personally I didn’t like any of the song selections, but since I wanted to pick something I picked Kelly Clarkson because it was the least awful
You can go hard, or you can go home. i just wish more bottom boys thought that way.
This makes me miss the old song of the summer feature. You should bring something like it back, but maybe not dance music every week.
Kelly Clarkson. Say no more.
I actually usually enjoy this feature. I am a huge music nerd and occasionally you actually have some awesome indie music on here that i had never heard before. Today however made me want to ram my head against a wall a few dozen times. Bring back the eclectic music choices.
it is so bad that i like will.i.am song… Im doomed???
Oh, come on now! That DJ Shadow track is brilliant.
Okay, I must admit, the music video is just bad ass brilliant, and on second listen, the song is actually pretty good too. I think after hearing the first three I was just done and gave it no respect. I might even be throwing it on my iPod now. Thanks.
If will.i.am wins, I will need no further proof that civilization is nearing its end.
anything hard is good for me….
These all suck in a bad way. Kelly Clarkson the least though… How about better choices next time.
Will.i.am-I have a feeling that Mick Jagger was the only saving grace in that song. And even then, the last minute was him being lost in his own translation.
Kelly-Not a fan of hers but probably the best out of the bunch.
Ke-dollar sign-Hah-She needs to stop. Breathing. Period. Though I do like the beat of it, it might have done better if it was used for another song.
DJ Shadow-I totally thought that pop star was a cos-play of Jem from “Jem and the Holograms”. And then I proceeded to think that it probably was going to be Ke-dollar sign-Hah, which it was. Which makes me think Ke-$-Hah probably got her costume choices from Jem.
why put an artist if you don’t want people to vote for them? piece of advice, just cancel this “Aural Fixation” shit you guys have going on. If this is what it amounts to, just do it. Its like when you have a stupid retard with a gun to their head just asking you for a reason to pull the trigger, JUST FUCKING DO IT. In conclusion, yeah Will.I.Am might not be the greatest artist out there but this song was better than Kelly Clarksons AND Ke$ha’s combined. The DJ Shadow song was good but you know whats better….canceling this piece of shit entry 🙂
ditto
Yay! I’m glad I can make a difference in some small way. The only reason I keep posting shitty music is because people keep voting for shitty music.
Next week, I promise – FOUR SONGS I GENUINELY LIKE/LOVE.
Why don’t you add the option NONE :S All of them suck.
I really think that you wanted us to vote for will.i.am DEWITT. Of the 4 songs you posted, even though I do not like will.i.am, his song has the best beat & rhythm to have sex to.
I don’t understand you bloggers sometimes. You land blast the shit out of something in your posts because you personally don’t like it, bitch about the readers for voting the way we choose to( you have to realize mainstream whatever we are talking about will win hands down the vast majority of the time), & then threaten the readers if we do not vote the way you deem appropriate.FOR SHAME….
Will.i.am needs to take that song back where it came from…. ABSOLUTLY AWFUL!!!!!