You know how people say that teen girls aren't in love with Robert Pattinson so much as they're in love with his Twilight character Edward Cullen? Well, this morning I stumbled across some shirtless pictures of Sex and the City star Chris Noth and popped a boner over them. And then I wondered (camera pans to Dewitt's screen as he types), do I love Chris Noth or do I love Mr. Big?
It's a serious question, because I don't think I'd consider Noth sexy if he hadn't played the role of Carrie Bradshaw's love interest. Does anyone else feel that way about him? I assume that I'm not alone, because the general consensus on the internet has been "I'd hit it". If you feel the same way, please join me in masturbating to these pictures.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: INF Daily
For more shots of Chris Noth at the beach, follow the JUMP:
I’ve always wanted Chris Noth!!!! YUMM
never liked him even when he was younger during early sex and the city seasons.
now that he is old and fat, it’s certain that i won’t get attracted to him.
At least a mature man who has beefed up do to the ravages of time has some excuse. Unlike about 80% of the young fat gay men out there. Are you one of them nex?
And I do not consider Chris Noth fat.
he looks absolutely great for his age, though he would be more attractive to me if he would give up on the bad dye job. his hair is horrendous.
So he put on a bit of weight between movie roles. What’s the big deal. The man is a good lookin dude with a few extra pounds. FYI gay community, not everyone is a stick thin twink or a muscled up porn star. Go into the average bar and you will see that. Unfortunately, like you see here, everyone is holding out for the porn star. No wonder they go home alone. Haven’t they got a mirror?
Somebody’s uncle, pass…
guys, look at older pictures of him, he had HUGE bags under his eyes, I am sure he got an eye job….
so in the looks department, he has looked better, than worse, and now better again…
btw, I’d hit it in a heart beat 😉
I think he’s pretty hot. Must be his looks, too, ’cause I never cared for Mr. Big’s personality.
He looks amazing…I think he is very sexy. fyi…for all the haters, he is not fat. Not everyone needs to be a stick figure to be sexy.
I love Chris Noth, he hot in person
I am sick and tired of people ripping on Chris Noth and other celebrities. If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say it at all. For those who say nice things, I applaud you.
Chris Noth you use a miracle cream,
the wrinkles and furrows, wash out like a dream.
I’ve seen it being used on something before,
I think it was polish, on the kitchenette floor.
No. 101. “Jet black” for men,
away with the grey, its good stuff “ye ken”.
A wee dab here, and a wee dab there,
gives you a mop, of fine black hair.
It glints in the limelight, and offers lens flare,
the crowds are agog, at the sight of your hair.
Appearance is premium, at this show tonight,
you puff out your chest, with all of your might.
Your appearance of late, has really changed,
I think your becoming, a little deranged.
A mid life crises, may be the reason,
springtime vanity, it is certainly the season.
Your butt has reduced, at an alarming rate.
going, going, gone! oh no its too late!
You have nothing left, for Tara to grab,
you will have to get feeding, on some tubs of lard!
Restoring your butt, will take patience and time,
no problems says you, “Im a man in my prime”.
Give me some cakes, a biscuit or two,
“I’ll soon have my butt, winking at you”.
It is an art, getting your butt to wink at folk,
“Its no problem for me, after all, I’m a bloke”.
You act out good qualities, that women do like,
Occasionally your told, to “get on yer bike”!
Your butt is so neat, and tidy,
I ogle it often, but mostly on Friday.
Your legs are light brown and hairy,
a wee bit rough, for a kiddies “tooth fairy”.
Your butt’s so fine, you could swipe through a visa,
you better not grimace, in case of a seizure.
But then again, you could try an Express,
but maybe that, would, be too much of a mess.
You have become, a product icon for men,
with that name, that sounds like Bionical Germ.
It pulls out the creases and makes you all smooth,
a bit of pink plaster, to fill out the grooves.
So every morning, get out your trowel,
fill it with muck, and sort out your scowl.
A wee dod here, and wee dod there,
better be careful, not in the hair.
Your previous wrinkles, were nice and homely,
something to climb into, when feeling all lonely.
A bit of spare baggage, under your sockets,
could come in handy, when you run out of pockets.
But now, theres no more swags and tails,
unless, the innovative rollerball fails.
Your versatile image, can run rough or smooth,
but you have to remember, to fill in the grooves.
You might try some sanding, if there are runs,
Grade 1, 2 or 3. leave 4. for the buns.
A buffer could help, with that finishing glow,
the speed settings, not high, but on medium to low.
What year were you born, is the topic just now,
I think it was when, they invented the plough.
A little hint, would go a long way,
and Kuriously, it would brighten my day.
At the oscars, you looked so fine,
all the photographers, snapped, one at a time.
Your bow tie looked, a little bit off,
but generally, you looked like a Toff.
I see that you were up for an auction, last week,
and from what I hear, willing to bare one cheek.
Daring to bare, and making it nude,
I hope that the prize, is not misunderstood.
I bet you a fiver,
to do a ‘Godiva’.
On a future “good wife” set,
Your ego being active, “its just too attractive”,
I think, I might just be, in debt!
If that were to happen, your fans will be clapping,
mass hysteria, will surely break out.
Half the ghirlies are ranting, some of them panting,
and one of them holding a pout!
So come on Chris Noth, if you get on to twitter,
I’ll send you a spud, in the form of a fritter.
A greasy wee dish, will help you fill out,
and if you are very lucky, you might even get gout!
One final exclaim!,
I know its quite lame.
But, obsession is no laughing matter!
I think you should know, this text will go slow,
as I’m now running out of “patter”!
……………………………………………
Okay chris Noth, I should explain,
I was a little bit rash, on that “final exclaim”,
my kuriousity, is getting the better of me,
I can’t make my mind up, about you, you see!
I dont want you, to get the wrong notion,
as I am taken myself, with completed devotion.
So don’t, send me flowers, chocolates or toast,
unfortunately for you, you’ve been pipped at the post.
I have admiration, for you, and your butt,
but don’t be afraid, I’m an average nut.
So don’t get alarmed, at all this attention,
The Voo Doo dolls, we wont even mention.
I usually make, my mind up in five.
but with you, I cannot derive!
I’m on the fence, undecided, unclear,
Are you good or bad? please give me a steer!
I admire you, and I cannot say why?
perhaps, it because your an alright guy.
Or maybe I’m wrong, and your a horrible git,
Concluding my story, I’ll feel like a twit!
Your a great advertiser, for all the big names,
do you think they would mind, if it became part of my game.
I could write them a rhyme, with some music and time,
if you think its worthwhile, just tweet me a sign.
NO OFFENCE INTENDED – Kuriouscat.
……………………………………………………
……………………………………………………
……………………………………………………
……………………………………………………
Chris Noth, a month has now gone by,
I’m fair disappointed, I can’t tell a lie!
I thought by now, you’d have had a wee tweet,
You can trust in me, I am very discreet!
I’m fair disappointed, because you’ve not joined,
this social network, that twitter has coined!
You must know, that your fans, are just fed up, just waiting,
some of them anxious, and some of them fainting!
If they get a petition, would you think of it then?
they’d vote you for mayor, they’re so loyal “ye ken”!
I think your quite stubborn, to say the least,
It’s like taming the shrew, or is it taming the beast!
I have poked you, with my “cheeky” stick,
just so happens, that your skin’s, quite thick!
No movement from you, in the form of a twitter,
Oh yes! did I mention, the prize is a fritter!
Fritters are good, with a distinctive taste,
all crispy and golden, with a spud tasting paste.
The more drippy the grease, the easier it slides.
I reckon its better with chips on the side!
The new diet is working, your looking so trim,
lots of new clothes and a top plaster skim.
Your biceps, look all shiney and round,
Are they for real, or is it silicone compound?
They resembled some boobies, that I saw once,
mistakingly, close up, I thought they where buns!
Your fan base are rousing, and saying its not fair,
that your not on twitter, and not wanting to share!
Now you must be thinking, “why all the rush,
there’s plenty of time, you don’t need to push”!
A month of expecting, a twitter from you,
is enough of a wait, it’s about 500 brews.
I have a confession, that I have to make,
for you to do twitter, I have a big stake!
I put on a bet, that, I would get you a “twitting”,
and as you can see, Im not ready for quitting!
I betted a fiver, and thought I would win,
I should not have gambled, I know it’s a sin!
But the deed is now done, and I cannot let go,
I’m persistant you see, but have nothing to show!
If the answer is no, then the answer is no,
Then the tweets from Chris Noth is a simple no show!
I will end, my temptatious technique,
and perhaps have a go, with a plate of pomme frites!
I will have to get around, this no win situation,
a plan to be hatched, out of need and frustration.
I’ll buy a wee bird, one that will speak,
I’ll test him out first, to make sure that he tweets!
I will paint up his feathers, a light shade of brown,
and I dye his head black, just the top of his crown!
I’ll feed him with trill, and a bit of a loaf,
tell him over ‘n’ over that his name is “MacNoth”!
The only thing is, he lacks in physique,
I’ll have to try out, a lengthening technique!
I need to stretch out, his wee tiny pegs,
until he’s a 33″, inside his leg!
He has a spare tyre, around his mid,
The vet will do lipo, for around 40 Quid!
His claws are rough, in need of a pedicure,
this will protect, the keyboard, for sure!
He carefully picks, at the keys nice and neat,
the letters he needs, to get out his tweet.
Sometimes he get angry, and, gives it a peck,
I better not let on, there is a spell check!
His chest is all puffy, and filled out with air,
I might shave it off, and make him go bare!
A top coat of tan varnish, should do the trick,
hoping the cold, does not make him sick!
I’ll have to do something, with his fluffy top,
Bionical Gel, should produce a slick mop.
The lights on his napper, sparkle and glint,
don’t look too close, or you’ll be left with a squint!
His shoulder’s are broad and boy do they sway,
for a wee bird, it’s a real manly way!
And his walk is strong, and just fantastic,
it amazing what you can do, with some glue and elastic!
Miniature weights, tied on to his claws,
would build up his muscles, and add to the cause!
His beak is just right, the ratio’s true,
with a wee touch of putty, and he will look just like you!
His jaw is now, very defined,
to be honest, it was a bit of a grind!
He squeaked and he squawked, at each little tweak,
but now he is a bird, that is very unique!
The process itself, was not very easy,
Any bird lover, will find this quite queasy!
He never complained, throughout all his training,
I think for stardom, he is secretly aiming!
“Wee Chris MacNoth”, I’m sure is content,
When I tell you, that this role, was heaven sent!
He is a natural entertainer, and showman as well,
his ego is growing, “how can I tell”?
His head is getting bigger, I think it might blow,
now that, would, make a great, “wee Chris Mac” show!
Theres tears in his eyes, and he’s looking intense,
oh! I see it now, theres some grit on his lens!
He is pretty good, at acting for ghirlies,
a wee wink here and there, sends them into twirlies!
The ghirlies are giddy and lightheaded too,
he blows out air kisses, and aims them at you!
His wardrobe is filling, with all types of leathers,
he thinks it is sexy and works with his feathers!
The stylist is ducking, from his requests,
for a “Rab C. Nesbitt”, string type vest.
He has suddenly developed, a liking for kilts,
swinging his butt and making it tilt!
Left and right, as high as it will go,
shocking the ghirlies, and making them glow!
Up to now, I have not mentioned, much of his butt,
it’s not very visible, when doing his strut!
It looks a bit lost, and kind of a small,
but remembering now, that he’s near 6 foot tall!
Perhaps an injection of fat, to his ass,
will make his butt, a convincing ‘A’ pass!
Or, we could camouflage, and stuff in a quilt,
it’s okay in his jeans, but not in his kilt!
I’ll bet you a fiver, I can pull this one off,
A replica clone of the big Chris Noth!
As long as he tweet’s, I’m in with a shout,
You had your chance Chris, the birds in, and your out!
Now don’t start to greet, or winge, or whine,
It’s “wee Chris’s” shot now, at the big time!
The press is excited, at this new chris clone,
they are desperately trying to get him alone!
Wee chris is overwhelmed, at all this attention,
we will have to make sure, that he gets a good pension!
The pressure is mounting, and he is standing tall,
his fans are all squealing, he’s having a ball!
He started to show, an interest in smoking,
no kidding, seriously, I am not joking!
Between, his two feathers, he stuffs a cigar,
waves it around, when he’s at the bar!
The problem with this is, that he is vunerable,
He does not realise, that his top coat is flammable!
A stray spark from a cig, could prove fatal, even death,
I think in the long run, I will have to buy meths!
Occasionally, I must admit,
he drinks to excess, I’ve told him too quit!
Drink after drink, he starts to get boozie,
this is when, he becomes a wee woosie floosie!
We all have weaknesses, “I say with a sigh”,
He done me a favour, he’s my wee tweety pie!
Its amazing the length, that we’ll go for a bet,
“Ah life, its just a game of roulette”!
The “Wee Chris MacNoth”, is the apple of my eye,
he does what he told, he is my kinda guy!
He tackles the twitters, left, right and centre,
He teeters and tweeters on the edge of adventure!
“Wee Chris MacNoth”, is looking quite dapper,
he is tweeting out, amazing Scot’s “patter”!
The words flow out, graceful and ryhming,
Its amazing his wee brain, can deal with the timing!
“Wee Chris MacNoth”, is an amazing wee creature,
Im sure there’s a film, for him to be featured!
I don’t have an agent lined up for him yet,
but as I was saying, life “it’s a game of roulette”!
NO OFFENCE INTENDED – Kuriouscat.
Chris Noth I have to tell you, that you have missed out,
the wee bird MacNoth has been putting it about!
I think that this cover up, has confused all your fans,
it was the colour that did it, that light varnish tan!
The likeness is uncanny, he is getting stopped in the street,
the punters are asking, when is his next tweet!
He gives them a nod, and a cheeky wee grin,
not too much, for it will crack his top skim!
The paps are all fighting for a glimpse of wee mac,
sometimes, he feels that he is under attack!
One at a time he tweets to them loudly,
looking back over, he winks at me proudly!
He is definetely happy, in his new life,
he should have been married, with four weans and a wife!
He leaves me wee presents, wee bundles of trill,
wrapped up in nice tissue, up there on the cill.
I rent him out, to host as main tweeter,
he loves the attention, he’s a wonderful speaker!,
There’s great things ahead, for this wee fella.
so long as the varnish, keeps out the yellow!
On Monday, he got his first real audition,
he went in confident, with a special rendition.
Its about birds in New York, with no civil rights there,
I thinks its a name like, “Claw and order”!
There’s another wee show he’s thinking about,
he not sure though, if it has any clout!
Its about birds in New York and how they get scitty.
the name escapes me…oh yes, “Pex in the City”!
I think it is time now, for an independant film,
low budget production, will sure make him squirm!
The scripts are red hot, and flying off the press.
he secretly worried, that he’ll have to undress!
For a scraggy wee bird, he buffed up quite good,
some time and effort, produced a cool looking dude!
An electric polisher, for a sheen on the top,
matched the spit and polish that I gave to his mop!
Chris Noth, you should go and take an audition,
perhaps for the part, of a family addition!
He will certainly be pleased, to be next to a pro,
I believe you could help him, and sure make him glow!
How much would you want, for this type of part,
I could give you 10 quid, now it’s just for a start!
but If you become, a regular guest star,
I’ll be able, to afford you second-hand car!
I know that your looking, for a new show,
would you be interested, in this, c’mon, have a go!
You could be the producer, director as well,
the camcorder is ready, I don’t think that it fell!
Wee mac is spitting out feathers,
gasping for air, its hot in his leathers!
He is trying his best, to get you to notice,
but the camera is duff, it’s a bit out of focus!
He is trying to direct, its a bit ‘avant garde’,
On his low budget, its difficult and hard!
The production is slow and could do with some lube,
the first airing of this show, you will find on ‘youtube’!
Watch out for him now, I think he’ll be big.
Look at him twitting, up there on his twig.
His pals are excited at this new launched Mac,
Tweeting contently when hitting the sack!
Now Chris Noth, If you need a break,
I’ll give you him free and he can act as your fake!
Its the least I can do, considering all things there,
He’ll take on your role, with a wing and a prayer!
He studied you closely cause you’re his hero, you see,
he can fill in your shoes, for two weeks maybe three!
Now scoop up your lassie and your wee bonnie wean,
Off to the hills, or some dried oot prairie plain!
Relax and enjoy, some quality time,
Wee MacNoth, has got the papzi’s in line.
If things get rowdy, or he feels he cant cope,
He’ll tweet you a sign and you can throw him a rope!
Wee Chris MacNoth, is getting very successful,
to be completely honest, he is getting quite stressful!
I think I will send him, on a wee vacation,
A bus trip I think, throughout this great nation!
He can play some Golf, perhaps at Fairmont,
A wee break at the ninth, and a drink from the font!
or he can check out some Lochs, for the monster “nessie”,
I can see him now hiding, he’s a bit of a jessie!
I’m sure his wee kilt, is the first thing he packs,
first out of the case and on to the rack!
A wee matching tie, for evening attire,
not forgetting, his sporran, wedged under his tyre!
I’m thinking of selling, off his rights,
when mentioned at first, he took awful fright!
Perhap’s at the moment, he is not quite ready,
I’ll keep him a bit longer, until he’s more steady.
A future contract, with HBO,
Perhaps, CBS would make Foxy glow!
The contract is simple, it would be 50/50,
bring on the royalties, now that would be nifty!
Now for all the distributers, don’t all rush at once,
I know that new talent, is worth a second glance.
There’s a queue forming, it’s gone around the block.
the distributers are buzzing with excitable talk!
I just have to warn you, that he is young at heart,
He’s just out of nappies, ach well it’s a start!
Accidents do happen, when he has a wee wee,
a cross legged birdie, that is something to see!
Now Chris Noth, if you were to agree,
no expense will be spared, very lavish you see!
I will break out a special dish, a family heirloom,
as much Haggis fritters, as you can consume!
Followed by “Tunnocks”, and a glass of the “bru”,
no, let me remind you, its been broke out by few!
So if your willing, for some arty art.
give me a tweet, so I can make a fast start!
NO OFFENCE INTENDED – Kuriouscat.