Dear Andrew Christian models Colby Melvin and Brandon Brown,
I love you both with all my heart (and my penis), but you have gone too far with your new video “Special Delivery“. Here is a list of things you do together in the clip, which offended us enough to write this letter: cuddling, ordering underwear, smiling, stripping, kissing passionately, giving implied blowjobs and, of course, running happily into a bedroom to wear condoms and (presumably) have a TON of hot gay butt sex.
Need I remind you that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day?
It is, quite frankly, unacceptable for you to flaunt your blatant love for one another during this time of the year. Think of all the single people, recently divorced dads or less sexually-active couples who are watching you have so much sex that you go through a whole bowl of rubbers. They hate you right now! Because they want to be you.
Will joining the Jockstrap of The Month help them find their soul mates? Will it make them stop liking “bareback” on Facebook? Will you invite them to have regular threesomes if they’re wearing Andrew Christian briefs and sporting a huge bulge? What is the secret to happiness and fulfillment? Please tell us the answers. All of the answers.
– Dewitt
Watch Colby and Brandon be OFFENSIVELY cute below:
So the dog gets kicked out, but the cat gets to stay and watch? I thought there was no pussy allowed!
They’re both adorable.