Sex is, sadly, increasingly transactional and likened to shopping from the Sears Wish Christmas catalogue. Fellas will list their “preferences” (as I have already discussed) in a casual, l’aissez-faire way to a point of post-racial racism, and the fun does not stop there.
You are using language that is so indecipherable, so personalized, that just reading a profile is like trying to teach cryptology to a five-year-old. Here are some words you use that are so dumb, you should probably just give up and go away. Like, actually, please return your branded queer cloak and scepter until you can live your life like a decent human being.
Allow Daddy to translate a few commonly-used terms in gay hookup vernacular:
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MASC:
Usage: “Masc 4 Masc, no femmes.”
The standards for masculinity are so codified and strict. This ‘code,’ as I’ll call it, produces arbitrary limitations and fosters such overwhelming sameness that one cannot scan for sex without seeing the following: a man, sexily leaning, showcasing his abs or gut and emphasizing body hair. And no masc bro is complete without scowling as if angry/menacing, wearing a Jeremy Scott for Adidas costume and flexing some idea of musculature. “Natural” means hairy. Woof means, “You are deemed a bear by me, a person who hands out such designations with or without your investment in our culture.”
Masc, as it is written time and time again, means “man”. Sorry, everyone else, you’re ladies. This completely user-generated distinction of ‘masc’, which isn’t at all a word in the human world, is an example of how we create lines within our own community, following this habit of exploring preference with an attitude of “sorry, I’m not sorry”. When, in fact, we should be sorry for defining others when we are only humanly capable of defining ourselves.
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NON-SCENE:
Usage: “Non-scene, looking for gym buds and same.”
Do you leave your house? Do you interact with people? Do you occupy space and time? Well, friend, these are scenes or vignettes. You belong to them. You aren’t better or worse because you attend functions, so why bother even stressing this as an indicator of what you prefer. You are basically saying, “I am stupid and boring, looking for same.”
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STR8 ACTING:
Usage: “STR8 Acting, UB2”
LOL. You are actually a homophobic asshole.
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YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE…
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So yeah… can I sample your STR8 Acting, please? 😉
I’ve been guilty of using the word “masc” before in my preferences until someone pointed it out. The reason why I had used that term was because when it comes to hookups, I’m not attracted to guys with flamboyant demeanors. Especially those loud skinny bitches who go overboard with the eyebrow plucking/waxing or whatever.
“HEY GIRL, HEY!!!!!”
I no longer use that word but if I guy who fits that description approaches me, I let them know we are not a match. That’s fair.
I also frown upon guys who clearly define which racial groups that they’re into “White guys only”, “No Latinos” or “Not into Blacks, Middle Eastern or Asians”
…..uhh seriously? fuck you bigot.
Even if you gravitate toward a certain racial group, keep that shit to yourself so you don’t come across racist on a hook up site.
AGREED! I hate all of these terms… typically, I move on if I see them in a profile. I don’t identify as masc/butch OR femme… I’m just me. I don’t need to compare myself to you or anyone in terms of so-called gender constructs. I am loving and compassionate. Does that make me femme or a queen? I am strong and confident. Am I masc enough for you?
Unless you are getting 100s of messages a day, is it so hard to leave these things out of our profile and to reply to messages from guys we’re not into, “I’m sorry, I don’t think we’re a match. Have a nice day.”? I don’t think we need to reject others or make ourselves seem better than others with these stupid-ass terms.
Well, apparently these guys ARE getting “100’s of messages a day” because they can’t/won’t respond to compliments, greetings or just general conversation…”If I don’t respond, I’m not interested.” Ummm, no. If you don’t respond, you are rude and inconsiderate.
i agree if you don’t reply, it doesn’t equal non interest. it means your an arse. saying your not interested in certain races is not rascist, the way you say it would determine whether it sounds rascist. you can’t help who you are or aren’t attracted too.
‘masculine’ and ‘straight acting’ just means your not looking for someone who acts like a woman. it just means your interested in men not women. go for it if you like guys that act or look like women, but don’t hate on people who don’t find that attractive.
‘non scene’ just means they don’t go to gay clubs oe participate in gay culture. and no one should be demonised for doing that. sure they may be worried about reputation but maybe they want to be around guys who who be taken for ‘straight’.
as long as your not an ass wipe by the way you phrase what your looking for, then you should back off by assuming the worst anyone writing this in their profile.
You are actually the worst.
yeah, you’re pretty much just a bland asshole.
I’ve been thinking about all this for a while… I used to say a lot of these things in my profile and to myself.
For me, I wanted so desperately to “fit in” – I didn’t think my straight friends would like me unless I conformed to straight, white, Christian, male-dominated society. I feel like guys who still do this are probably coming from a similar place where they think they’re winning brownie points from the Institution, when in reality they’re lying to themselves and trying wayyyyy too hard. I hate the way this kind of thought promotes segregation and fighting within our own community.
One day it clicked with me: there’s nothing wrong with these other guys. They’re my brothers and we all shouldn’t be at each other’s throats like this.
i don’t see why you both are so negative. i’m not attracted to men who wear make up, call everyone ‘babe’ or ‘darling’ or dress and act like women. i like men. if i wanted femininity, i’d date women.
anyone who is looking for guys that pass as ‘straight’ could veyr well have image issues, or could be rejecting being gay. or they could be themselves. just because they don’t conform to the stereotype or want a man who does does not make them an ass hole, and does not make them ‘the worst’.
once again it’s insecure men projecting their thoughts and experiences on others.
God dewitt, when did you turn into such a troll? Been reading this blog for a long time, but this and your last post about people *gasp* having actual standards of what they find attractive *endgasp* are utter simpering BS. And don’t make the ‘people have deeper value’ argument about a venue based on casually fucking each other.
Have I had amazing experiences with guys outside my normal preferences? Sure, but one outlier doesn’t ruin a trend, and most of the time I’m served best by keeping to my standards. That’s WHY they’re my standards.
Just because you can’t fool anyone into thinking you’re a man, don’t hate on guys who can.
::blink blink::
God, Tyler, how did you miss that I didn’t write this post? It blatantly states that it’s another author.
Hi Tyler,
Daddy Mayonnaise here. You seem fairly short sighted. Casual sex never leads to intimacy, I suppose. And “preference” is never racism, I guess. Your limited understanding of your own community is frightening.
“Just because you can’t fool anyone into thinking you’re a man, don’t hate on guys who can.”
Wow.
xox
Daddy
Fair enough, that’s my bad that I missed that. Please consider all invective as directed at the Mayo Golem.
Casual sex can lead to intimacy, it’s just rare, and not a solid justification for sleeping with a bunch of guys that you’re not really into. Preference isn’t racism; racism is believing that a member of another race is sub-human. Glad I could clear that up for you. Any other hyperbolic statements you’d like to offer in lieu of rebuttals?
My community is a bunch of guys from literally every segment of society, who just want to be able to like what they like without some touchy-feely liberal brow-beating them about it. I used to pay heed to that PC crap, and then I woke up to how soul-draining and fake it is. So, nice attempt to change the frame, but it’s still that you’re trying to shame guys into liking guys like you.
Believe it or not, there are those of us that are gay because we like MEN, which is more than simply a biological description. Why is lusting after straight guys such a common theme for basically every gay man I’ve ever met? Because masculinity is a thing, and it’s attractive.
I don’t know what mental corruption you had to perform to get to where you discount the value (or existence?) of actual masculinity, but please schedule an encephalorectectomy immediately.
It’s fucking incredible how shallow people have become in trying to get laid! Looking on Craigslist at the ads the shallow fags post is disgusting. Why can’t these elite gay boys leave their fucking houses and go out to bars like real people? Oh, that’s probably because in the awful town in which I live, all the fucking gay bars are closing down! This has become a society of ugly awful people. What the FUCK!!!