Hi Dr. Queerlove,
I'm sort of new to hooking up with guys. I've fooled around with a few and have never done anything anal. However, I am ready to take that next step with this guy I'm seeing and wondering, if I'm bottoming, is there anything I should be doing beforehand to "prepare the way". What I mean is, should I be douching? And for that matter, what exactly is douching? I feel embarrassed and stupid asking such questions, but I don't want to end up in an even more embarrassing situation with my guy friend.
Please give me some direction.
Sincerely,
Taking the plunger
For Dr. Q's advice, follow the JUMP:
Plunger, I’m excited for you to pop that anal cherry. Good times! And you are far from stupid. Tons of guys want to know this information and are too embarrassed to ask (so they end up being “exclusive tops”). I’m glad you wrote to the doctor, because there definitely are some things you should know before you decide to let someone ride down your Hershey Highway. I’m going to go beyond just douching and break it down into preparation, sanitation and penetration.
The first thing you should do is check out your ass. Like, for realzies. Bend over in front of a mirror or get on your back and spread those bad boys so you can get a close look at your virgin rosebud. Look for things like hemorrhoids and anal fissures, which can increase the risk of STD’s and will cause serious pain upon penetration. If you happen to have either, I advise holding off until they’ve healed.
If you’re all clear, spend some time playing with your hole! It’s super fun. Finger yourself a few times. Go slow and use lube (for masturbating I suggest silicon based, which stays slick longer). Think about purchasing a small toy (perhaps these) you can use at home to warm up.
Once you’re ready for the deed, a critical component of preparation is sanitation so that, as your question suggests, you don’t have any dookie surprises. To clarify, douching is a process that uses a liquid (usually water) to clean out a body cavity. There are many ways to douche, but for an anal cleaning (i.e. an enema) do not purchase women’s douching products which sometimes have chemicals (you don’t need your ass to smell like a flower garden). The first thing I want you to realize is that anyone who fucks someone in the ass needs to accept that, no matter how douched someone is, sometimes shit happens. Don’t kill yourself going through extreme measures which are often times unnecessary.
If you want to explore some serious douching devices, try shower attachment options like a Streem Master or other similar kits. I find that a simple saline enema is really all you need, and you can get a twin pack at CVS for two bucks! Lie on your side and empty one bottle of the solution into your manhole, which will induce a bowel movement. After two minutes you’ll want to explode, but try to hold it for five, then let it out (preferably into a toilet). Personally, I refill the bottle with lukewarm water and repeat once or twice to flush out any random left behinds. This whole process should take about 15-20 minutes. Then I’d suggest a quick shower so you can soap off. You’re now ready to be rimmed and rammed!!
And it’s important you do it in that order! Especially for a first time bottom, your partner needs to spend time relaxing your hole by playing with it, fingering, and (Dr. Q’s all-time favorite activity) rimming. As the wise 20 Fingers once said, you gotta lick before you kick it. This will help you feel comfortable and at ease, which is critical. Initial penetration will hurt, but it doesn’t have to be traumatic. Your top should go slow and use a lot of lube (during sex, use water-based lube [and condoms, obvi]). While he is slowly pushing in, you should stay relaxed, breathe and push out with your sphincter (like you’re taking a poop). It will alleviate some of the initial discomfort. You do not need to take drugs like poppers to help you. Trust me, if you take it slow and remain at ease, you’ll be asking him to pound you hard before you know it.
Let your man know it’s your first time bottoming. Any decent guy will be gentle with you, and they’ll probably be really turned on by it, which should make for a great suck and fuck.
Need advice on the best ways to munch and mount? Email the doctor at Queerlove@manhunt.net for your prescribed dose of reality.
DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a Ph.D. in Greek Mythology. So if you follow his advice and end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling you right here that you can’t.
Hey Doc,
GREAT ADVICE!!
Glad to have someone in the media field give good solid advice on our side!!
(the human side, not just the gay side, ok)
I agree with everything but the enemas, they are bad for you!
That’s right, if you have a normal healthy bowel habit you should be fine with just a warm shower and gently cleaning the outside. There is no need for enemas or douches. In fact an enema or douche can cause more problems than they solve and have been implicated in the increased transmission of STIs (inc HIV).
Faeces do not constantly enter the rectum, instead they accumulate in the last segment of the colon (sigmoid) and are moved on mass into the rectum. On arrival pressure sensors notify the brain of the need to defecate and when socially appropriate you do so. The rectum is lined with mucus secreting glands which coat the outside of the faeces with a thin slippery coating in order to ensure the smooth departure of the faeces without residue.
So, all functioning normally, between bowel motions your rectum should already be clean and empty. A normal person needs to go for a bowel motion between three times a day and once every three days.
Whilst we are here, please don’t scrub your bum clean with loo paper. It is abrasive and ends up grinding faeces into the skin of the bum causing irritation. You are best to wipe away the worst with the toilet paper, and then use a bidet, shower or a moist wipe to gently remove the rest. Your bum will thank you.
For gay men, the belief in enemas and douching stems from the urban myth that the rectum is constantly full of faeces and that anal sex = poo pushing. Poor diets and poor bowel habits only reinforced this fallacious need. The downsides of interfering in your normal bowel function. Overuse of enemas results in the bowel failing to function normally and you become dependant on them.
During insertion of a douche or enema trauma to the rectal tissues can occur resulting in pain during anal intercourse. Additionally the chemicals of a douche can cause a low-grade irritation that only becomes obvious during anal intercourse. It may be that you don’t enjoy anal sex because you’ve douched! Using water only still removes the mucus lining of the rectum that may have a protective function. A number of commonly available sexual lubricants have been shown to cause irritation of the rectal tissues and an intact mucus layer reduces this.
– I’m a Medical Student and a Volunteer Manager at my University’s STI education program.
very great advice! i too was curious about this and didnt know about the CVS saline enema bottles! woot.
now all i need is a top! ;P
This is some super great advice! I’ve been putting off on getting fucked mainly because of my fear of the pain that comes with it. My guy’s been really patient and doesn’t mind taking it slow, so I hope it all goes great. Good luck to all other beginner bottoms! 🙂
I wish this would have been out there the first and only time I ever tried bottoming. After knowing I was a virgin, the guy didn’t do anything but shove it in dry and I haven’t bottomed since and won’t. So awesome job posting something that can help avoid situations like that!
great advice.
of course the douche-debate continues…
some say you should, others say you shuden’t.
personally i say go for it!
Never had an enema, and never had any problems with poop. Maybe my diet helps, though (little meat/cheese, plenty of fiber).
I just take a dump if I need it and soap up really well in the shower. In a pinch, you can dig for “ass boogers” in the shower, as well. Also helps warm you up for the real thing, I find.
Personally – douching is the way to go… But let me qualify that…
I’m also a med student (at Monash in Melbourne), and whilst Diego is completely correct in everything he said. There is one thing that keeps me going back to the douche.
The little ‘chunks’ and residue that are left in the rectum that can’t be excreted without excessive straining (another major cause for rectal dysfunction – specifically haemorrhoids and prolapses).
This shitty residue and ‘chunks’ that float around in there probably won’t have any negative effect for the top (ie he won’t think he’s sexing in a sewerage plant), but the faecal particles can induce a feeling of ‘needing’ to shit, and can be quite unpleasant and worrying for the receptive partner.
My advice is that you take a normal (unassisted) dump if need be, and only douche once or twice with warm water to remove this residue, but don’t engage in sex for at least half an hour afterward to allow the mucous layer regenerate in the rectum.
If you don’t ‘need’ to crap – don’t! A shower and a finger or two is fine to cleanse the outer sphink and remove any little ‘ass boogers’ as furfiend hilariously put it!
Bottom line (pun intended), as long as you don’t blow yourself up like a balloon and douche til you can smell the coffee you drank 10 mins ago, you’ll be fine.
Happy humping! 🙂
There is some great information about anal sex on MANHUNT Cares. Check out the ‘focus on health’ anal pleasure 101 video and ‘previous focus on health’ sex toy safety and anal health entries!
Pete here… with a question for all you Med students or Dr.s out there…how often could (or should) a guy douche or get fucked in the butt? Meaning is it ok to get a butt pounding daily?
I agree with the medical student. I am a medical student as well, and if you use enemas you can hurt the mucus lining of the rectum. Eliminating the mucus lining you can diminish the body natural way of protecting itself against pathogens. Your feces contain bacteria and other microorganisms, and with a damaged rectal lining the bacteria and microorganisms might be able to penetrate the rectal wall. This will cause irritation, infections, and a stinky mess. Just clean a little in the shower and you should be fine for sex.
Regarding the how often you have anal pounding question. In my opinion, listen to your body. If it becomes uncomfortable or hurts then take a break. If normal situations like bowel movements become uncomfortable, painful, or irregular, then you should take caution. In addition, see a doctor if the symptoms do not go away. It’s better to take care of the issue before it becomes serious. GOOD POUNDING!!! Also use protection. There are STIs other than HIV that can cause other serious conditions like anal cancer. Just because you partner is clean of HIV doesn’t mean he is clear of the others.
-The Medical Student who takes it in the butt.
@ Pete: Everything in excess is bad, even something as essential as water can cause negative effects in excess. So as Akipatel said, listen to your body, if it stats hurting STOP! Just like you would pull your hand away from a hot stove.
As far as douching I stand by my statement that you should AVOID them and stick to a healthy diet with more fiber.
My BOTTOM line is if your partner can’t deal with a little shit on his dick (preferably on the the condom) once in a while he shouldn’t put it in your ass. Don’t put your health at risk to meet unreal ideas of cleanliness
Also if you really want to douche try a “Dry Enema” instead. It consist of putting lube (remember to use condom safe lube) in your ass with a syringe (no needle!) instead of warm water. It won’t flush out residues as good but it will cover whatever is left with lube so they won’t stick as easily to your partner’s penis.
And remember to always use a condom 🙂
Can anyone comment on how long one might be “clean” after douching? It sounds like it should be done shortly (but maybe not immediately) before intercourse. That doesn’t seem to fit with drinks, dinner and a movie, if you get my drift.
Ooooh, I never thought of that ‘dry enema’ Diego… Good idea!
Agreed, we shouldn’t care what our partners think about shit on their dick. Personally, I just don’t like the ‘I need to shit’ feeling that having a little bit in there gives me… Perhaps I’m alone in that LOL!
ReluctantBottom, I would say a few hours probably… I’ve never actually sat with a stop-watch! Diego’s right, you can never expect a sparkling springwater-clean hole, and you shouldn’t put ur health at risk to try… As per my earlier statement, take a dump when you feel the need to and just clean with a finger or 2 in the shower – try 3 even, make the chore fun! 😉
This aint gonna work if you’re doing the dinner/movie routine, but if you need to shit during dinner, grab a hand-towel at the basin in the bathroom, wet it and take it with u into the cubicle. After you’ve wiped normally, have a swish with the wet towel to give urself a nice clean pooper… Ready for action in the back row of the cinema (if that’s ur thing…lol).
Ps. Its great to see a comment feed that hasn’t become the usual bitching and arguing that a lot of other feeds seem to sink to! (Yet…)
I agree with almost everyone’s post, for and against. I do not recommend douching regularly – only once in a long while when you’re not sure what your body is telling you about how much it has “stored” (if you get my meaning).
That said, I have to admit that I almost *always* do a wet/dry douche in the shower, every time I shower – meaning I use the water and my fingers, but do not add any fluid up inside. This has its own problems (mainly if a LOT of stuff comes out, and you’re in a shower with poor drainage. This has happened to me once or twice, which was once or twice way too often), and it’s taken me many years to get the right combo down. But basically since I shower at night (and tend to have sex at night), I’m almost always (barring any diarrhea or other sickness) good for several hours after – sometimes even until morning.
The only reason I do this every time I shower is because I’m anal (I know, I know. ha ha.) and obviously a little OCD. The interesting thing is that my reaction to shit has gotten much more relaxed as a result. Now if I encounter some during sex, either from me or my partner, I’m not nearly as grossed out.
If you know you’re dirty, there is also nothing wrong with cleaning up right before sex, or if you have a hot date. And ALWAYS trust your body. If you don’t feel you have to clean or douche, don’t. But playing around in the shower will let you realize and understand your own body’s signals. And it (usually and should) feels really good.
Love that term, “ass boogers”!
Can sumone clarify the ennema thing mean…. Is douching with jus warm water bad or is it the douching with other solutions tht cause a problem. I personally dnt like fingerin. i clean up wel afta takin a dump, i use the dry and then wet toilet paper and i dnt eva use public restrooms. But i really need to undastand if this enema thing is bad fa me……. I just use warm water and i dnt do it too often.
thanks for all you information. I love fingers in the shower helps me clean up.
Great info. I am getting topped for the first time in two days and wanted to be clean for him and he already knows to take tt slow with me, but he is rather large. Here’s to lube and a hot load for me!!