Dr. Queerlove: He Just Lays There In Bed

Dear Doctor Q,

I recently started seeing this guy; he's cute, has a great body, and we have a great time whenever we talk.  But he's a total disappointment in bed. We get naked, start kissing, feel each other up—all great so far—and then he just lays there. I have to do all the work. I don't mind being in control, but I need the other guy to get into it! When I try to pull him on top of me, he'll lay on his side (at most).  He won't even suck my cock unless I tell him to or get on top of him to 69.  When I give him a massage or eat his ass, and I can't tell if he's enjoying it or falling asleep.

We've had sex twice. Both times he got off. I did not.

I'm an animal when I'm with a hot guy: clawing, kissing, licking and nibbling all over. However, I think he's confusing my passion for satisfaction.  Once he shoots, he's done ('cause apparently it's exhausting to lay there and have someone suck you off). And he seems to be under the impression that I had just as good a time as he did.

I love that he's so into kissing and body contact, because I really enjoy that, but that's a small part of sex.

What should I do?  I really like him, and think there could be a possible future, but not if he keeps acting like a gutted flounder in the sack.  How do I get him to be more aggressive without hurting his feelings or making him feel inadequate?  Please help!

Sincerely, Doing All the Work

For the doc's advice, follow the JUMP:

DAW, I have been with guys like this before (about two weeks ago, actually). Some men really enjoy laying there and receiving pleasure. And some enjoy being the source of that pleasure. But it always has to be mutually agreed upon and sexually satisfying for everyone involved. Though the occasional libidinous fawning is fun, I could not date a man whose modus operandi in bed was to just lay there.

My initial reaction is to peace out that gay fish, but you like him so I think it’s worth bringing this up. Instead of asking Flounder why he just lays there, tell him that next time you have sex you want him to pleasure you the way you do him. See how he reacts (and performs). Does he twerk it out and put his back into it until you Spiderman that ho? Or does he lazily slum his way through a blow job until he stops and says it’s his turn?

If he puts effort into it, then you know he’s got it in him. And if that’s the case you should tell him you were turned on by his assertiveness in bed and want a lot more of that.

If he doesn’t put effort into it. If he whines, complains or gives up after a few minutes. If he is reluctant to do it at all, tries to get out of it or thinks you’re being unreasonable. Well, that’s a deal-breaker, ladies! This man is not concerned about your sexual fulfillment, and is therefore not someone with whom you should spend your time.

Hopefully he surprises you with his carnal prowess, but the fact that he has shown such little regard for your sexual satisfaction (hasn’t he noticed that you haven’t ejaculated?) tells me Flounder might indeed be a dud in bed. For your sake, I hope I’m wrong.

Everything might be great outside of the bedroom, but don’t let the allure of stimulating dinner conversation make you settle for shitty sex. Eventually the ruins of one will ruin the other; leaving you with resentment and blue balls.

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Got a question for the doc? Want to know what would be the most effective Canadian sex positions? Hit up the doctor for some sexy time: Queerlove@manhunt.net.

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a Ph.D. in Sexual Kinesthesia. So if you follow his advice and end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling you right here that you can’t.