I’ve been seeing someone, but lately I’ve started going limp during sex and cannot get my erection back. Sometimes I can jerk it back up but when I insert it into him it goes limp again. This has happened twice and though he says “It’s ok” and “not to worry” I can’t help but feel like a complete let down. This happened again last night and he just fell out of the mood. I am wondering if you know what may be causing this problem.
Sincerely,
Limpy Dinky
Dear Doctor Q,
I have a sexual dilemma. Depending on the man I’m with, I consider myself to be versatile. I enjoy plowing a man’s hot ass as well as getting plowed in the ass by a hot man. However, sometimes when I bottom I can’t keep a hard-on to save my life. If the guy is well endowed or a bit too rough at first, my cock lays there like Mr. Limpy.
I enjoy bottoming a lot and it feels amazing, so why am I having trouble? I’ve used dildos before and don’t have a problem, but haven’t been able to stay hard or have an orgasm with a real one.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I psyching myself out? What should I do?
Yours truly,
Bottom In Trouble
For the doctor’s advice, follow the JUMP:
Let’s throw out there some factors that affect your circulation. As you may know, an erection is a rush of blood to your penis. Therefore, circulatory health matter. Exercise regularly (which also improves stamina) and reduce stress and smoking.
More than likely, this unwelcomed boner departure is all mental. These things do happen. You lose your hard-on for any number of reasons (your mind randomly flashes to a thought of Designing Women, which leads to Delta Burke, yada, yada, yada), and all the sudden your soft and thinking “SHIT! They’re going to think I’m a lame lay!” Then next time you’re getting ready to do it you think “Baby Jezus, please don’t let my dick go soft” and what happens? Well, what do you think happens when you’re focusing on your dick going soft and not the hot, tight hole you’re about to fuck?
This applies equally to tops and bottoms. Obviously tops feel a bit more of the pressure, but the bottom wants to rock a solid one just as much as the next guy. Bottoms in porn lose their erections all the time (though I’m sure getting fucked straight for 7 hours while Michael Lucas gets the right camera angle might make it hard to maintain wood). If the top is too large and is causing you pain, well that’s your answer right there.
I suggest, for both the top and the bottom, that you try having sex with a trusted partner where it’s all about you. Lay back, relax, and let them do all the work. And I mean all the work. All you should do is focus solely on feeling the pleasure. Don’t worry about them (at least not this one time). If you’re the top, lay back and let the bottom ride you. Exert yourself when it’s for your pleasure.
In addition to relaxing, try a little help with a cock ring, which restricts the flow of blood out of the cock once it’s erect. Also, when topping, try different kinds of condoms. Condoms may stretch far enough to fit over a bowling ball, that doesn’t mean all condoms are the same. You don’t need to have a 12 inch cock to bust a magnum. If you have average length, but generous girth, a regular condom might feel uncomfortably restricting. As long as it isn’t sliding off of you, try using a magnum.
Hope this helps. But at the end of day, there’s no quick solution. In most cases it’s only in your head, but you know your body better than anyone. If you genuinely don’t think that’s the case, you should see your doctor and have a frank and open conversation. It may be the most important doctor’s visit you ever have.
Got a question for the doc? Maybe you hate your boyfriend but love his
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DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a
Ph.D. in The Propaganda of Bisexuality. So if you follow his advice and
end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re
telling you right here that you can’t.
I found out while researching heart problems for an assignment (i’m a nursing student) that erectile dysfunction can in fact be a symptom of heart dysfunction.
Also – check out unresolved hurt or resentments with you and your partner.
The flesh is very subjective. If I’m a little
angry – I can’t keep a woodie.
Nurtrition, exercise, and also if people are on any kind of an antidpressent – and you can handle the EKKK factor – prostiglandin is about $1.50 an injection. It’s not that bad!
And with well butrin – it’s a tops best friend. .40 cc and it’s hard core 2 hour hard on that won’t come down after cuming at all – 2 /5 times. So it appears you have priapus.
In short – $20 viagra gives me (like most pills) a screaming temporal lobe headache for hours. Sex with that kind of pain sucks!
I like the idea – receive. It helps to take the pressure of feeling I MUCH PERFORM OR ELSE … !!!
It’s great. You could write a small book on the various reasons and the ways to overcome ER – and return to sex with a happy confidence until it’s naturally hard as and when you like it, most times.
Nothing is a guarantee – shit happens – and most of the time I’m ok, but when it does happen – I’m prepared.
I could never stay hard when I was bottoming with my partner, but after changing sexual positions, we found one where I not only stayed hard, I came. We don’t aim for simultaneous orgasm, but it’s happened a few times and is really great.
I’ve got this problem myself. I suspect its from being on antidepressants for years (even though I’ve been off for over a year). Doctor couldn’t find a cause, just prescribed $16 pills that gave me headaches.
Nevertheless, with the right chemistry, you can still have a really good time without a full erection. Just need to get over the frustration and enjoy yourself (for many people, that alone will solve the problem).
I read the same about E.D. been related to heart problems. But I havent check for updates.