Dr. Queerlove: This Guys Is Obsessed

Dear Dr. Queerlove,

Two nights ago I met someone on MANHUNT. I arrive at his apartment, conversation flows nicely, he’s actually as cute as his pictures, and there is plenty of innocent flirting. We start to kiss and he whispers in my ear “You must be special. I’m not usually this easy.” Umm… ok? Something told me he’d used that line before, but before I gave it too much thought we were in his bedroom, clothes flying.

Now, he’s great with his mouth… when it’s on my body. Not so much when he’s talking. He’d already complimented me several times on my looks, as I did with him – fun and flirty. But in bed it started to get a little strange. “How did I get so lucky to get a hot guy like you in my bed?” “What did I do to deserve such a gift from the heavens?” “You’re the most amazing person I’ve ever seen” And my personal favorite “It’s nice to have someone my age, too. I’m used to guys in their mid-forties who aren’t nearly as attractive as you!”

At this point I just didn’t know what to say… I started getting really turned off by the overwhelming amount of praise. Then it happened. We were about to climax and he started to cry. Not just a few tears and a sniffle—he let out several high pitched wails and was actually crying. I didn’t know what to do. I was completely taken off guard. So, I kept doing what I was doing and we awkwardly finished up.

At this point it was nearly 3am, so I spent the night. He kissed me all over, all through the night; held me; and was almost too attentive. In the morning he insisted on driving me home. When he dropped me off he said he’d call me when I got out of work today and couldn’t wait to talk about our first two dates, which he had already started planning. After work today he called me twice and texted three times within the course of an hour.

I’m totally flattered, and he seems like such a nice guy, but it’s all so overwhelming. I’m not used to this. Is this normal? After spending the night and feeling so smothered I know we’re not a match, but how do I let him down without totally crushing him? Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

– Cubby Bearnstein

For the Doctor's advice, follow the JUMP:

Cubby,

“We were about to climax and …he let out several high pitched wails and was actually crying” WOW! Some guys would have grabbed their jockstrap and cabbed it home before homeboy could have finished The Cry of The Cumming Banshee. It was kind of you to let him finish.

I too hate clingy, über-affectionate men. I once had a guy tell me on our second date (after tricking me into meeting his mother) that I was “everything he had been waiting for.” I snore like a bear, fart in my sleep and have a fatwā on my head from the National Coalition of Bisexuals. How do you know I’m everything you’ve been waiting for?!

Some guys just really want to find “the one,” and they go too far. I know you don’t want to hurt his feelings but ending a dating situation, just like ending a relationship, needs to be done directly. When it’s a second or third date you can get away with not calling them. If they don’t call you, you’re set! But when they do call, you have to face the music.

AND DON’T DO IT THROUGH TEXT MESSAGE! That’s a cowardly way to end things with someone. Have some class, grow some balls, and call the man. Furthermore, people often mistake being nice for being sappy and weak. Being respectful and direct does not equal rudeness. Calling someone names is rude. Let’s all stop making excuses for not wanting to grow a pair.

You don’t have to tell homeboy he’s over-bearing (and fucking weird). Just tell him he’s a great guy, but you don’t feel the chemistry like he does. He seems to want something more serious than what you are looking for, but you wish him all the best. Short and polite. For some guys, like your boy Clingy, that might not be enough. Which is when you need to be strong and forceful. “Clingy, you’re a great guy and you’ll find someone who’s perfect for you. But it’s not me. I have to go, but please take care.”

And gents, when you are on the receiving end of a dump or break-up, regardless of how the person decides to do it, the best thing you can do for yourself is to accept it gracefully and with your head held high. When someone is telling you they no longer want to be with you, refuting it makes you look sad and pathetic. Lashing back at them by throwing pejoratives and plates makes you look crazy and pathetic. Why would you do that to yourself? When someone is breaking things off with you, listen to what they are saying, thank them for their candor and walk away with dignity.

Regardless of what side of the dumping you are on, there is nothing you can do to control how the other person will behave in the situation. All you can do is get through it with class. That, to me, is the definition of a successful break-up.

Best of luck, Cubby.

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Got a question for the doc? Maybe you hate your boyfriend but love his cock. Maybe he’s fucking your brother. Let the Doctor help you ruin their life! Email Queerlove@manhunt.net with your mo woes.,

DISCLAIMER: Dr. Queerlove is not a doctor, of any kind. Not even a Ph.D. in The Propaganda of Bisexuality. So if you follow his advice and end up bruised, impotent and alone, you can’t sue us… because we’re telling you right here that you can’t.