Are you a bear or a twink? Show queen or jock? We love those snarky bitches at Gawker, but we still can't get over how Brian Moylan's "Handy Guide To All Gay Men" divides us up like the lunch tables in a tween movie. Sure, he does include a disclaimer that it's a "bit deceptive" to say that all guys belong to these categories, but it still feels kind of dirty to see our community reduced to a handful of labels.
Also, we all apparently love to have dicks up our butts. At least that's the truth according to this list. Or maybe it's just a tongue-in-cheek reference to the number of bottoms in New York City, and we shouldn't take it seriously? Either way, click through to read through the types Brian's shined the spotlight on. Because you could just click the link to Gawker, but we have hotter pictures.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: Blake Mason
To check out the categories, follow the JUMP:
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TWINKS
Body Type: Thin, smooth, often blond, usually with longish bangs and often with highlights.
Description: This young breed of gays is never over 30 and tends to be on the queeny side and hews closely to the conventional stereotypes of gay man. Wild, ornery, and still getting over their coming out issues, the twink is the gay gone wild, and is bait to older men who are into trying to suck off their youthful energy.
Subcategories: The Twunk, the Gay-sian, the A&F boy.
New York City Hang Out: Rush, Campus Thursdays at Splash
Diva of Choice: Lady Gaga
Preoccupations: Fashion, drama, partying, hooking up, college, coming out
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Zac Efron
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BEARS
Body Type: Large, hairy, often with facial hair
Description: The bigger, generally older subset of the population is new but increasingly popular both in the community and pop culture. They have their own social calendar that is well populated with events to support the flannel-clad butch lifestyle of beards and beer guts.
Subcategories: Cubs, Otters, Wolfs, Gorillas
New York City Hang Out: Woof!, Snaxx, Nowhere
Diva of Choice: Cyndi Lauper
Preoccupations: Food, hair, coming up with silly bear puns, Tom Colicchio
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Kevin Smith
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GAY JOCKS
Body Type: Athletic, muscular, possibly gone-to-seed
Description: This guy prides himself on the fact that no one thinks he is gay until he tells them. His love of sports is just about the only unaffected aspect of his masculinity. He wears T-shirts and ball caps with his favorite team logo, and likes guys who are "non-scene," unless the scene is a gay sports team.
Subcategories: Gay football players, gay soccer plays, gay rugby players, etc.
New York City Hang Out: Gym Bar
Diva of Choice: The guy who sings "Are You Ready for some Football."
Preoccupations: Passing, talking tough, locker rooms, fantasy football
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Esera Tualo
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CIRCUIT BOYS
Body Type: Muscular, waxed, preened, most usually with tribal tattoos
Description: This subset rose to prominence in the '90s around the drug-fueled, all-night dance parties that were in different cities around the country. While it has few new recruits, its core population is die-hard and aging quickly. Many of the parties have died off, but they're still dancing to bad tribal house wherever they can.
Subcategories: Tweekers, muscle Marys, those queens who twirl flags at dance parties
New York City Hang Out: Alegria
Diva of Choice: Deborah Cox remixed by Junior Vasquez
Preoccuptions: Pecs, ecstasy, house music, conformity, backne, the afterparty
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: This is such a specific type it doesn't really exists in the world at large, but the Platonic ideal of a circuit boy is DJ Brett Henrichsen
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GAY-LISTERS
Body Type: Body toned by the personal trainer, hair done by celebrity stylist, wardrobe picked out at Barneys
Description: These are the uppity homos who live the good life, and are generally too good for you. They only like to talk to each other. They usually work in advertising, PR, marketing, or the entertainment industry and make a ton of cash which they use to have perfect apartments, fantastic wardrobes, and summer homes near all the other gay-listers. You can try to get invited to their parties, but you will never belong.
Subcategories: Power gays, the velvet mafia
New York City Hang Out: Beige
Diva of Choice: They're probably friends with Madonna
Preoccuptions: Looking good, work, HRC dinners, summering as a verb, what everyone else is doing, hooking up with each other, the steam room at the gym
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Andy Cohen
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SHOW QUEENS
Body Type: They come in all shapes and sizes, from the young, spry dancer to the balding, pudgy critic.
Description: These are the kids who are so gay they could never fit in during high school and sought refuge in the music department. They have devoted their lives to performing, show tunes, and learning all the words to very obscure songs. They often work in theater or the arts in one way or another, be it on the Great White Way or as a high school drama teacher.
Subcategories: They are only defined by which diva they love most.
New York City Hang Out: Marie's Crisis
Diva of Choice: Liza, Judy, Barbra, Elaine Stritch, Patti LuPone, Ethel Merman, Sutton Foster, Bernadette Peters
Preoccuptions: Original cast recordings, collecting Playbills, karaoke, out of town previews, Puck on Glee's abs, outing Hugh Jackman
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Neil Patrick Harris
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ART FAGS
Body Type: Emaciated, tattooed, usually with some sort of ironic facial hair and an enormous coif.
Description: The art fag is cooler than you. He's also cooler than all your friends, and he is not afraid to show it. He is usually an artist (duh), photographer, fashion designer, band member, or something that requires a degree from RISD, FIT, or some other art school that is an acronym. He dresses either in the most current prissy fashions or like a homo version of Terry Richardson, in big glasses, flannels, and jeans that looks so thrown together that it took him hours to put together. You're more likely to find them at a gallery opening or model party, but every so often they'll be at a gay bar to rub elbows, and other parts, with the other homos.
Subcategories: Alternaqueers, gipsters
New York City Hang Out: The Cock
Diva of Choice: Peaches
Preoccuptions: The hottest club, looking down on things, cheap coke, being bohemian, the outer boroughs
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: Marc Jacobs
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DRAG QUEENS
Body Type: Either big, buxom Divine style or svelte and RuPaul-esque.
Description: This is a very small but very powerful contingent of the gay population. The drag queens are not only the court jesters of the gay community, dressing up like clowns for our entertainment, but they are also a bridge to the straight world. As much as gay men appreciate the queens for their looks, wit, and shade, straight people love a drag show even more than the queers do. Somehow they manage to be the most outrageous segment of the population and the most embraced, making the rest of us look positively boring by comparison.
Subcategories: Club kids, trannies.
New York City Hang Out: Pick a bar, any bar.
Diva of Choice: Oh, honey. They are each their own diva.
Preoccuptions: Shade, wigs, annoying jerks who ask for too many drink tickets, other queens biting off their look, lip syncing, straight guys
Top or Bottom: Bottom
Celebrity Example: RuPaul
This is hysterical, I was just telling a friend today how the theater gays in school were the ones who migrated there because they didn’t fit in elsewhere.
so what? everyone is bottom now?
did i miss something?
but to be honest, some of those things are pretty true.
was fun to read.
Maybe they didn’t *want* to be (“fit in”) elsewhere.
I don’t see myself listed anywhere there…..oh, God, maybe I’m not actually gay?!
I have no idea what category I fit into.
Are all bears into Cyndi Lauper? I figured it was just me. 😛
Then again, I’m not hairy enough to be a real bear.
And Dewitt, I think Brian’s point was that we as gays try to fit everyone into one of these categories, which is largely true. That dirty feeling might be your conscious nagging at you because you know you’ve done the exact same thing more than you’d like to admit.
Excess ratio of bottoms in NYC? Damn, I’m moving to NYC! Yea!
This is gold, pure gold…I laughed out loud a few times. The best thing for me about being gay is being able to laugh at myself and not to take things too seriously. I am so glad no one freaked out yet in the comment section…but the day is young>>>
Omg I just realized i’m a little bit of all of ’em! Now I don’t know what to think XD
Oh so (sadly) accurate!
Accurate? In that someone has successfully managed to repeat already established stereotypes? What’s sad about that?
where are all the tops at
– they forgot two categories
1) bitter queens –
Body type: manorexic, with short styled hair
Description: usually always complaining about something whether it be the fact that they didn’t win anything in a competition or harping on how no one lives up to their high standards. They can be any age from 20 to 80.
Diva of choice: no one lives up to there high standards
Hangouts: they can be found lurking/ bitching anywhere
Celebrity Example example: The character of Marc St James on Ugly Betty
Top or bottom: bottom
2) Cruising studs
body type: muscular with a huge smile/smirk
Description: similar to circuit boys but usually found hanging out near bathrooms at bars waiting to pick up a guy
Top or bottom: definitely top
Hangouts: find one near a bathroom
Diva of choice: George Michael
Celebrity Example: also George Michael
I’ll (or more) gay jocks anythime, anywhere!! Especially if they look like the one in the pic. He’s HOT!! Love those spread, hairy legs. What I wouldn’t do to get in between that furiness.
I have no idea where I fit into this.
I don’t think I’ve ever even met anyone involved in bear culture. And I completely shy away from the pretentious artsy kids.
so im lost in the wilderness.
Well done!
was this done just for a joke? Because i’m sure the gay community would not work with everyone being bottoms. That’s like male and female creatures having the same genitalia
Love it!!! Well said.
My comments on this:
1. there are several types of gay men who wasent portray in this:
A. The nerd gay.
B. Hetero gay (that one who wasent anyone to know he is gay so he acts like a great hetero men).
C. The gay activist.
2. Most guys i think are combinations of two or even three types.
3. Sadly society tends to make us feel different so most guys try to match to some particular group.
That was dumb. next.
Manhunt Queen
Body type: overweight,obese, or anorexic
Description: makes fake profiles on manhunt.com, and has unrealistically high standards. Often lurks on the Manhunt blog, and bitches about every little imperfection on every picture of a guy that they see
Diva of Choice:Themselves
Hangouts: Manhunt.com
Top or Bottom: WHAT THE HELL, MANHUNT QUEENS NEVER BOTTOM
so yea i dont fit it any of those stereotypes. oh well. guess I’m just as unique and awesome as I tell people. sweet!
LMAO at the Art Fags. The Terry Richardson clones always annoyed the hell out of me when I was in design school. Evidentally I just didn’t understand how deep they were… (LOL.)
lol@ ian
@Alex: Marry me!
LoL. Anyway, what the hell happened to us Gay men? Before we were The Village People.
Y M C A.
Now, this??? You can’t make a song out of this? Oh wait, Lady GaGa got that covered with the gay version of teeth. Vampires and werewolves.
Guess that makes me a gay werewolf.
Show me your teeth. ta ta
I have been several of these stereotypes in my life but im now some hybrid of all the very worst types HA! C’est la vie