Gay Ass Gossip: Justin Theroux’s Hog Attacked By Meat

ITEM – Put your cocks away, that was just a teasing headline. Justin Theroux is the sexy bastard actor that’s currently squiring the eternally beige Jennifer Aniston around town. In a probably unrelated incident, someone came upon Justin’s BMW hog parked outside of Aniston’s NYC apartment and covered it with bologna slices. Damn, people have time on their hands. Perhaps this person saw Charlie’s Angel 2: Full Throttle. Yeah, he was hot in it but phew, what a shitty fucking movie. Cameron Diaz ruins everything.

– J. Harvey

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ITEM – All signs point to Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore’s marriage being over and out. Good. Those two were super-irritating, ALWAYS acting pretentious and lecturey on Twitter, and that lady can’t dance. Word is that Ashton’s been taking his cock out for walks around other women’s blocks for some time now. So don’t look for Demi to pop up on Two And A Half Men anytime soon. Which sucks for Two And A Half Men, because that would be the only reason for me to tune into that mess. Ugh, really, I can’t fathom what people see in that shit. So…Jon Cryer’s gay on that show, right? But they don’t acknowledge it? Charlie Sheen always seemed to be wearing a bowling shirt to signify that he was the “funny, irreverant” one. A good show would be Charlie playing himself and being off his bi-polar meds like he did in real life and Jon coming to terms with his lust for dick. At the same time.

My cubicle neighbor here at Manhunt tried to tell me that it’s really funny. I had to change cubicles.

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ITEM – Chris Brown is a big cocksucker. Ok, this is totally someone fucking with his street cred, but good. To someone like Chris Brown, an unrepentant and cocky woman-beater, any allusion to him being gay must be the end of the world. Especially since his idiotic ass is constantly resorting to homophobic slurs when someone pisses him off. See? And see. And see again. So these Tweets that allegedly came from him and indicate a gay relationship between him and a male singer named Martyn gave me a big fucking smile this week. Before you click the link, note that the Tweets use the n-word.