Gay Ass Gossip: Rod Stewart Denies Ages-Old Urban Legend That He Once Swallowed So Much Cum He Had To Have His Stomach Pumped

ITEM – Have you ever heard the one about how, back in the 70s, singer Rod Stewart reportedly partied with a bunch of sailors and sucked all their cocks. He was said to have then overdosed on cum and had to have his stomach pumped. You know, from all the jizz. Ok, unless you’re into the bukkake batter – ew. Rod recently appeared on Katie Couric’s daytime talk show to refute the rumor that he OD’ed on spunk.

Stewart told Katie that he’s as “heterosexual as they come” [Ed. note – so to speak!] and that the rumor is the work of a gay publicist he used to have named Tony Toon. NEVER TRUST A PUBLICIST NAMED TOON! Stewart has a new book out, in which he elaborates on how the rumor got started.

Gawker:

By 1982, Stewart was married to actress Alana Hamilton, ex-wife of actor George Hamilton. They went on vacation in Hawaii, and Toon came along. The hotel was overbooked, so Toon and Alana’s son Ashley, who was 7, shared a room. “Toon, of course, couldn’t resist pulling some bloke in the bar that evening and taking him back to the room. I fired him in the morning. Toon’s revenge was absolutely inspired. He fed the press a story in which, as a consequence of an evening spent orally servicing a gang of sailors in a gay bar in San Diego, I had been required to check into a hospital emergency room to have my stomach pumped…I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor, let alone a ship’s worth in one evening. And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen or of any other kind of semen. With minor variations…this story has stayed with me ever since. Say what you like about Tony Toon-and God rest his soul-but he was good at his job.”

Does this mean Gere is finally going to tackle that gerbil story? All of our precious illusions are being shattered, one by one.

– J. Harvey

More “Gay Ass Gossip” after the JUMP:

ITEM – Justin Timberlake is the douche you assumed he was, and not just for this attention-gobbling wedding pic that made the front of People magazine. You know she was there, too, right? Asshole.

Friends of his created a video to be played during his multimillion dollar wedding extravaganza in Italy last weekend. It consisted of them interviewing homeless and mentally ill people in LA and having them wish Justin and bride Jessica Biel well, and apologizing for not being able to make it to their wedding. Basically shitting on unfortunate types so rich people could laugh at them. Someone needs their teeth slapped down their throat. Part of the video got out and it wasn’t pretty, so Justin issued an apology on his website today. He says that he had nothing to do with it but is sorry it got made. He also claimed it was merely meant as a joke on him that more people didn’t show up to his wedding. “You’re so poor you can’t afford to fly everyone in, Justin, so let’s mock some homeless people.” Ugh. These are your friends? Why doesn’t Italy have flash floods?