So what did you think about last night’s episode of Glee? We’re still on the fence about it. There were a few elements of the plot that restored our faith in the series (big clue: they involved sweet lady kisses), and then there were other moments that were akin to getting fondled in inappropriate places. In a non-consensual, less fun sort of way.
For those who watched, today’s discussion post will tackle a topic hinted at in the screen-cap above. Yes, there was another “touching” interaction between Kurt and his father, Burt Hummel. We don’t want to go into too many of the details just yet, but we’ll say this much–it was somehow infuriating yet really sweet at the same time.
On top of that, we’ll address such highly important points as the general awfulness of Will Schuester (except for when he’s not wearing a shirt). Although this problem was slightly diluted due to the ever-surprising awesomeness of Gwyneth Paltrow, it’s still worth noting for the sake of guilt-ridden bitchiness, right?
– Dewitt
To watch the episode and read more, follow the JUMP:
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FULL EPISODE:
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Do You Wanna Touch Me (Oh Yeah) (Gwyneth Paltrow): Substitute teacher Holly Holiday educates the members of New Directions about the birds and the bees, utilizing a language that they all understand. Because apparently these kids can’t learn anything unless there’s singing involved. With the help of sexy back-up dancers Santana and Brittany, she turns out a raucous cover of Gary Glitter’s “Do You Wanna Touch Me”.
Of course, this version seemed to take more cues from Joan Jett’s 1982 music video, with the students mimicking the iconic rocker’s bikini-clad disrobing. It was a little more watered down than we would have liked (note the glaring absence of Mark Salling’s bouncing pectorals), but we’ll take what we can get in these situations. (3 Points)
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Animal (Darren Criss, Chris Colfer & The Warblers): Sue Sylvester runs into Blaine and Kurt at their coffee shop hangout. She makes some awkward references to coffee enemas. Then she reveals her suspicion that Kurt’s old teammates will be doing a “sexy” number for the regional competition. Blaine wants to keep up with his rivals, so the Warblers turn up the heat with their rendition of Neon Trees’ “Animal”.
Initially, it’s not really clear what’s sexy about this performance, aside from the mere presence of non-bear Darren Criss. Then the foam starts falling and you begin to think about all those soapy, wet dudes frolicking about in their ties and jackets. And then you realize that they’re supposed to be high school students, and you start to feel really inappropriate. Even though half of the actors are probably in their thirties or forties…
We’ve come to expect this super-polished sound from the Warblers. It’s arguably a little too perfect for our tastes, yet we appreciated the balance provided by Kurt’s weird expressions and jungle-cat choreography. And for the first time ever, we actually thought there might be some chemistry between Mr. Colfer and his unfortunately heterosexual costar.
Now that we’ve discussed the song, let’s moved on to this recurring theme of “parents should talk to their gay children about sex”, which first came up in the “Blame It On The Alcohol” episode. While it’s a decent enough message, we feel like the show got weirdly preachy about it. Like, wasn’t it a bit strange for Blaine to arrive at Burt Hummel’s workplace and lecture him about his son’s lack of knowledge on butt-sex?
Even worse, there seemed to be this ongoing sentiment that all men are inherently promiscuous, and therefore young gay men are huge sluts who go to parties and fuck without condoms. Slight exaggeration on our part, but there was still something about these conversations that made us a tad queasy. (4 Points for the song, 2.5 Points for the plotline)
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Kiss (Matthew Morrison & Gwyneth Paltrow): Schuester is a horny bastard, and he wants to get freak-nasty with Holly Holiday! He lures her into his classroom to practice a performance of Prince’s “Kiss”. They do this whole tango thing, and then he creepily leans in and gives her a kiss. End scene.
It says a lot that this song was more enjoyable when performed by a bunch of animated penguins in Happy Feet. It’s sad to see Matthew Morrison perpetually thrown into situations like this. He’s trying way too fucking hard to be Prince, and it just comes off as a completely see-through imitation… Then again, maybe we’re just mad at him for his downright atrocious debut single “Summer Rain”? There’s something very uncomfortable about Mr. Schuester singing about making love on a roof. (1 Point)
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Landslide (Gwyneth Paltrow, Naya Rivera & Heather Morris): Brittany is confused about her girl-on-girl relationship with Santana. They talk to Ms. Holiday about it, and it’s obviously resolved that they’ll figure things out by singing together. But, OMG, they need some help!
Stevie Nicks gave her seal of approval to this performance, so we really can’t say anything bad about it. Even if she hadn’t, we still wouldn’t say anything bad about it. While this didn’t necessarily blow our minds, it fit well into the emotional landscape of the plotline. We may or may not have held back tears when Santana confessed that she’s in love with Brittany. Yes, we’re total suckers for pseudo-lesbian tenderness. (4 Points)
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Afternoon Delight (Jayma Mays, John Stamos & Cast): The Celibacy Club offers up a counterpoint to a certain sexual education instructor’s lesson. Being totally naive, Emma Pilsbury doesn’t realize this song’s totally about sex.
Cute! However, this was already done (and to much more hilarious effect) on Arrested Development. On the flip side, it was nice to see John Stamos on set again. For his next appearance can he please wear less clothing? (3 Points)
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BREAKDOWN OF POINTS SYSTEM:
- 5 Points = Excellent or exceeding expectations in regards to vocal performance, choreography and arrangement. Fits well within the context of the episode, and potentially better than the original version.
- 4 Points = Not too shabby! May not be entirely on par with the original, but a fantastic effort by the actors and vocalists.
- 3 Points = Tolerable. Did not induce eye rolls or kept them to a minimum.
- 2 Points = Could be a variety of factors, including poor song choice or lackluster performance. Boring or uninspired. May be an insult to the original artist.
- 1 Point = Absolutely painful. Couldn’t wait for it to be over.
Once again you make serious comments about the music with all of your supposed great authority and then make stupid comments about Mark Sallings and John Stamos showing more skin. It rather negates your worthless comments. As usual, I bet you were massively irked that you didn’t get a chance to slam Corey Monteith. Although your new one to slam is Matthew Morrison. I’d like to see you do better. Frankly I’d like to see you write more honest reviews than just getting personal about two men who would never have any interest in you or your opinion. You do sound petty and jealous most of the time.
Really? I thought that the kiss song was actually pretty good. Harmonizing and the high pitched parts were done pretty well. Cmon, cut them a little slack.
But at least he made the very correct comment about Santana and Brittany. They completely stole this episode 100%. I don’t cry to television shows. I didn’t cry whenever Sue was reading to her sister in the first season. That scene had me in tears. Completely beautiful, and I think I now have a lady crush on Naya Rivera
I totally agree with you on that. I was very powerful for a light comedy show. I am really liking the Santana character. She has a lot of depth.
I generally agree with the reviews for the most part, but not today. First off, I thought the “d0 you want to touch me” cover was great and really summed up why Holly is a hilariously inappropriate substitute teacher. And it was clearly the Joan Jett version they were covering. Also, landslide was clearly the Dixie Chicks version not the Fleetwood Mac version and it seemed to me that “Kiss” was the Tom Jones version rather than the Prince version. That makes a lot of sense given that Schuster is cheesy in a very Jonesian way.
I do agree with the discomfort around the birds and bees talk. But being made uncomfortable was, in some ways, the point of the whole show. Is the irony of a manhunt blog criticizing Glee for implying that gay men are promiscuous lost on anyone?
you gave a point to kiss? Kiss deserves zero points.
My problem with the episode is with Kurt. He is now officially a frigid nutcase. Not that I think a gay high school boy should naturally bang every piece of meat in sight, but how does someone so strongly self-identified as a gay man, yet find sex so repulsive? It is not impossible, I guess, but it just seems so absurdly improbable.
Kurt is not a frigid nutcase, he is a 16 year old virgin who is terrified of having his first time be a major disappointment. He is honest about not having a clue. I give kudos to the writers for letting you see that Blaine does care for him and his well being, not some hot guy waiting to pounce on a kid who is just trying to figure himself out.
Reading the reviews you all post saddens me. You go on about how great and touching Santana is in this episode but then bust on Kurt, but the two are designed as foils for each other. Santana is using meaningless sexually conquest to run away from being vulnerable and confronting her real feelings where as Kurt is avoiding real flesh and blood relationship by imagining some fairytale love that is totally unrealistic. Kurt’s dad’s message that ignoring either the emotional or the physical aspect of sex can harm you emotionally and suggesting instead that he hopes that they will use sex as a way of connecting with someone they care about is meant for both Kurt and Santana. Is it a bit overblown and a little unrealistic? Uh guys the show is a musical sitcom, give it a break.
And for the record, Kurt’s dad did not say that all gay men are total sluts he said ALL men are total sluts (he even included himself).
I love this show, I am a TOTAL GLEEK!
How in the hell did they do this episode without finishing with Salt N Pepa’s “Let’s Talk About Sex”?
The last time kurt had some action was with karofsky, and he was essentially being attacked. I’m not at all surprised that he’d rather focus on the romance than the sex.
where the hell is karofsky? Yea he’s hot, and i’d be lying if i didny want to see him more, but thats a great story, and the occasional hint at it every few weeks is getting annoying.
just finished watching this show on hulu. i like the scene with kurt & his dad. i wish i knew at 16 the emotional consequences of having sex. it’s still confusing for me even now.
Emma is the one that’s kind of annoying me. From episode to episode she goes from normal, reformed nut job back to neurotic freak show. Could we ease into some character development here?
The worst part of this review was the insinuation that most teenage gay boys /might not be/ sluts.
I remember what it was like.
Maybe MHD has, but lord, were we a bunch of dumb, horny fucks. It was an interesting storyline, and I was absolutely mortified for Kurt.
Santana is rapidly growing to be one of my favourites though – has been since the Gaga episode last year and she busted into Bad Romance with some sick riffs.
AGREED!!! I want an all-Karofsky episode and I want it now.
Karofsky singing. Karofsky playing football. Karofsky dancing in the locker room in his jockstrap.
YES. Bring it, Ryan Murphy. Fucking bring it.
Nonsense! Doing that as a Tango was amazing. If you factor out all the plot line stuff that got them there and just saw the dance scene as it’s own stand alone sequence, it was sexy, well choregraphed, inventive and totally hot. It actually made me want to go learn to Tango and even made me like that previously-way-over-played song again. According to Dewitts rating system, it should have gotten a 5!
I’m a little saddened that they didn’t bring “I touch myself” into the show as a way to encourage masturbation. It could have been fun with the right spin on it. Iwas really touched by the Santana plot line however. I thought the talk with Kurt and his dad was powerful (and yes it was a bit odd that Blaine would show up at the dad’s work to lecture him but it did move the story along). I have no doubt that tons of young, closted gay boys and girls found a glimmer of hope and decided not to pursue suicide because of that episode. That is a blessing in itself.
We must be catching up as this episode is already getting fuss in UK due to the Gary Glitter song featured and the fact the disgraced star will get royalities – any fuss on this over in the states? –
Unlike some other people, I have no problem with Blaine. He seems well adjusted and trying to do the right thing. Kurt’s behavior would make sense if he has always been timid and semi-low key, but that is not the case. He has always been shown as strong, self assured, the ‘I am not the problem, you are’ type. I just find it hard to reconcile everything into a believable character. Admittedly, @FuzzyMike’s suggestions could be the case, as victims of sexual assaults do find physical intimacy terrifying. If they explore that in the future, I guess it would make this episode seems much more sensible to me.