Magic combs! Trouble in paradise! And showy performances of vaguely bad pop songs! Yup, it must be the sectionals episode of Glee, which made its way to television last night. As the members of New Directions competed against The Warblers and The Hipsters, there was plenty of drama to go around…
One of the show’s couples grew extremely close within this episode, while another duo had a head-on collision with heartbreak. And as for the musical offerings? There were certainly highs and lows, but we’ll take anything as long as it isn’t Mr. Schuester rapping. Click through to check out the episode, and then let us know what you think!
– Dewitt
To watch the episode, hear the songs and read more, follow the JUMP:
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FULL EPISODE:
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NEXT WEEK:
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Don’t Cry For Me Argentina (Lea Michele & Chris Colfer): Kurt has officially transferred to Tolerance Narnia, and now he’s auditioning for a solo with The Warblers. He consults Rachel for advice, providing a perfect opportunity to recreate their pseudo-duet from season one’s “Wheels” episode.
At least it wasn’t “My Heart Will Go On”? Above is Chris Colfer’s take of the song, though you can head over here for Lea Michele’s version. A bonus half-point goes to Blaine for vetoing Kurt’s hand motions. However, I’m going to rank these two separately. Lea is the one with the higher score, because she’s totally capable of pulling off something this cheesy and dramatic. (3 Points / 3.5 Points)
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The Living Years (The Hipsters): The group heads to sectionals! Aside from The Warblers, they’re competing against The Hipsters, a choir composed of senior citizens working towards their GED diplomas. They perform this 1980s hit by Mike & The Mechanics.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who secretly wished The Hipsters would win sectionals. Between the geriatric choreography and outstanding vocals, their performance was actually pretty fucking awesome. We demand a recount! This is some serious age discrimination. (4.5 Points)
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Hey, Soul Sister (Darren Criss & The Warblers): Guess what? Kurt didn’t get the solo, because The Warblers are secretly Nazis who hate individuality! His maybe-boyfriend Blaine takes over lead vocals for sectionals, lending his voice to this played out song by Train.
Honestly, I can’t hate the producers for this selection, despite the fact that I absolutely loathe this song. It’s exactly the type of song a group like The Warblers would sing. And they’d do it in an extremely polished fashion, complete with synchronized dance moves and huge smiles. That still doesn’t make me hate them any less. (1.5 Points)
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(I’ve Had) The Time Of My Life (Chord Overstreet & Diana Agron): Will Schuester still has a huge boner for Emma Pilsbury. Therefore, he’s willing to blindly follow all of her advice. When she criticizes him for overusing Finn and Rachel, he decides to give the group’s other members some time in the spotlight.
Yay, pretty white people singing! It’s kind of like Finn and Rachel all over again, except with more blond hair and vomit-inducing cutesiness. Diana Agron has proven herself on a few of the show’s musical numbers, but she doesn’t have the pipes to make this work. If I didn’t hate The Warblers so much, I’d question how they tied for first place with this crap. (2 Points)
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Valerie (Naya Rivera & Full Cast): Schuester decides to focus on Brittany and Mike Chang’s dancing. This is perfectly reasonable, considering they’re fantastic dancers. But, um, isn’t this supposed to be a singing competition? Santana takes lead vocals on this song by The Zutons, which was popularized by Amy Winehouse and Mark Ronson.
Let’s talk about the magic comb. At this point in time, Brittany and Artie are the only couple I care about on this show, and that was one of the cutest plotlines in the history of the series. Why are they the best characters ever?
On a slightly more relevant note, Naya Rivera sounded perfectly nice on this track. She’s obviously no Amy Winehouse, but I don’t even think Amy Winehouse is herself these days. Points for making it work. (4 Points)
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Dog Days Are Over (Jenna Ushkowitz & Amber Riley): Big spoiler alert! Rachel attempts to cheat on Finn with Puck, so he breaks up with her. When Schuester asks her to perform a solo, she defers the offer to Mercedes and Tina. Cue the uber-sad shots of Rachel standing by her locker. And John Stamos looking hot.
I want to love this. Because it’s motherfucking Florence + The Machine. With that said, it’s, um… motherfucking Florence + The Machine. There’s no way to top the original vocals, and it’s even worse when the singers aren’t a good match for the track. Points to Jenna Ushkowitz for putting in a decent effort. Additional points for letting Amber Riley tackle a different style of music. But I seriously can’t rank this any higher. (3.5 Points)
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BREAKDOWN OF POINTS SYSTEM:
- 5 Points = Excellent or exceeding expectations in regards to vocal performance, choreography and arrangement. Fits well within the context of the episode, and potentially better than the original version.
- 4 Points = Not too shabby! May not be entirely on par with the original, but a fantastic effort by the actors and vocalists.
- 3 Points = Tolerable. Did not induce eye rolls or kept them to a minimum.
- 2 Points = Could be a variety of factors, including poor song choice or lackluster performance. Boring or uninspired. May be an insult to the original artist.
- 1 Point = Absolutely painful. Couldn’t wait for it to be over.
But Ken and Barbie were so cute! I was going “D’Awwww!” through their whole performance, and admittedly, singing along.
Though, I have to admit, I was a bit irritated that their whole entrance thing is the exact same thing the New Directions/Schuster did with Rachael and Finn. Two pretty people start at the back of the room, magically singing to each other ignoring the auditorium full of people between them. I think their choreography was even the same.
Then again, it’s hard to differentiate between walks down an aisle in an auditorium.
If the complaint from Pillsbury was that they always do the same thing, why did they do the same thing… but with different people?
Yes, the Warblers are individuality-hating-nazi/zombies… but, they have Darren Criss, so I’ll forgive them quite a bit. Rachael’s version of Don’t Cry for Me was much better than Kurt’s, in my opinion, because it sounded fuller, less painful in the bad ways and more painful in the good ways, if that makes sense.
Last point: next week is their Christmas episode. The Christmas album they produced has Blaine and Kurt singing Baby It’s Cold Outside. If that doesn’t make it into the episode, I will be yelling at my television.
A solid “B” of an episode. Chord Overstreet needs to have his shirt off more, because that’s the only time he’s entertaining; I thought the blondes kinda bombed, and good of them to give Santana the solo, she has the perfect voice for it.
More Darren Criss, please! He too can remove his shirt. Oh, and is Darren Criss short? Like, REALLY short? Because he was being dwarfed on stage. I think even Chris Colfer stood a few inches taller than him. Although, maybe it was just a trick of the mind, because most of the warblers looked to have a mean age of about 35.
I thought Adultery meant stupid….you know like being an adult?
Friends don’t let friends watch “Glee.”
Wow, Dewitt, we have the exact same taste and justifications for Glee songs. I thought about it a bit because it was almost spot on last week, but this week it’s eerily similar (especially on the Hey, Soul Sister and Florence).
Anyway, I’d just like to say one thing that we may not agree on, haha. (Don’t worry, I know Dewitt’s not gonna read this.) I loved the first season of Glee because it at least tries to go against the grain. Which is why I am upset over next weeks nauseating display of (very marketable) Christmas spirit. I’m scared. Not just for next week, but Glee in general.
Wow, Dewitt, we have the exact same taste and justifications for Glee songs. I thought about it a bit because it was almost spot on last week, but this week it’s eerily similar (especially on the Hey, Soul Sister and Florence).
Anyway, I’d just like to say one thing that we may not agree on, haha. (Don’t worry, I know Dewitt’s not gonna read this.) I loved the first season of Glee because it at least tries to go against the grain. Which is why I am upset over next weeks nauseating display of (very marketable) Christmas spirit. I’m scared. Not just for next week, but Glee in general.
They couldn’t write Kurt out of Glee yet, so they had to come up with some way that both teams could tie and both go on. The only way The New Directions wouldn’t win is for Rachael and Finn to not sing.
They couldn’t write Kurt out of Glee yet, so they had to come up with some way that both teams could tie and both go on. The only way The New Directions wouldn’t win is for Rachael and Finn to not sing.
Dewitt, did you post about last week’s episode of Glee?
See, I really hope they don’t go the route of “the warblers are bad, individuality crushers”. So they know how to work together and make music as an ensemble. I’d say it’s better than a group full of wannabe “stars” all fighting for a solo (rachel and all the New Directions this week). Besides, Chris Kolfer’s falsetto is getting really tired, I would want him doing the solo.
I mean, would NOT want him doing the solo. oopsy
“Dog Days” was just AWFUL! No one on the show can even being to match Florence’s vocals. Can you imagine if they tried “Between Two Lungs”?
But I LOVED the “Time of My Life” performance!
I kind of felt sorry for Darren Criss singing Hey, Soul Sister. That song is so over done it has become a cliche. And worse? He sounded a lot like Train. It sure didn’t do much to advance his career. Can’t imagine why anyone would want to download it.
And I also felt sorry for Dewitt. Again, he didn’t get a good chance to bash Finn.
I kind of felt sorry for Darren Criss singing Hey, Soul Sister. That song is so over done it has become a cliche. And worse? He sounded a lot like Train. It sure didn’t do much to advance his career. Can’t imagine why anyone would want to download it.
And I also felt sorry for Dewitt. Again, he didn’t get a good chance to bash Finn.
I totally disagree with the Hey, Soul Sister song, I thought it was totally charming and had me enjoying the song when I dont really like the original. Plus, Darren Criss… ugh so dreamy 😀
I totally disagree with the Hey, Soul Sister song, I thought it was totally charming and had me enjoying the song when I dont really like the original. Plus, Darren Criss… ugh so dreamy 😀
they killed florence and broke the machine…. shameful
If Baby It’s Cold Outside doesn’t make it into the show I’ll shoot my television set with my shotgun.
You pointed out what bothered me about Hey, Soul Sister. In undergrad, there were three main a cappella groups: one all men, one all women, and one mixed. The all-male a cappella group was the “fun but not super clean” group, the all-female group was not quite as fun but really clean and precise, and the mixed group did songs you knew they’d do because they kept and maintained their certain image. The mixed group took away the energy of so many great individuals and, well, yeah they’d get to be a little more individual when singing a solo, but when they were backup it became robotic.
Also, Artie would be much less cute if he weren’t dating Brittany. She brings out the awesome in everyone.
You pointed out what bothered me about Hey, Soul Sister. In undergrad, there were three main a cappella groups: one all men, one all women, and one mixed. The all-male a cappella group was the “fun but not super clean” group, the all-female group was not quite as fun but really clean and precise, and the mixed group did songs you knew they’d do because they kept and maintained their certain image. The mixed group took away the energy of so many great individuals and, well, yeah they’d get to be a little more individual when singing a solo, but when they were backup it became robotic.
Also, Artie would be much less cute if he weren’t dating Brittany. She brings out the awesome in everyone.
Am I the only one who doesn’t find Darren Criss that attractive?
I agree with you on so many points. When i saw Quinn and Sam walking the aisle I was nearly as mad as Dewitt when he complained about there being too many mash-ups. (I completely disagree). I thought, “do something new, guys!” And I hope the Christmas episode is a 2 hour episode, simply because all 12 of those Christmas songs would be so awesome in an episode.
I’m pretty sure Chris and that black guy to his right were on a step above Darren so that’s why it looked that way. I noticed it too.
NOPE! He’s too fucking pretty. There’s really no one hot on this show.
NOPE! He’s too fucking pretty. There’s really no one hot on this show.
They kind of butchered it like they do everything else, but Dog Days Are Over is the first time I didn’t fast-forward through a musical number on Glee! (……baby steps.)
The Warblers rocked the fuck out of that song. That sort of harmony is difficult to pull off. And it’s nice to see a singer who doesn’t need autotune (Mr. Overstreet being one of them. I’m not saying he cannot sing in tune, but his voice is thin and reedy and needs autotune to beef it up) The whole idea of Glee is it is supposed to be schmaltzy….. it’s a teen show for god’s sake. It’s kind of a waste of time for adults to critique this show. Oh, wait, I’m an adult. Okay, I vote an exemption for myself, but myself only!