There weren’t any Kurt Hummels in my high school. While a few girls proclaimed their status as lesbian or bisexual without any complications, there wasn’t a single young gay male to be found. Well, we were all there, but none of us took the risk of opening up about our sexuality.
For two years in a row, I took art classes with another student who we’ll call “Kevin”. He was twenty times more flamboyant than anyone in the school, all topped off with an unhealthy obsession with classical music (which isn’t perceived as “cool” when you’re a teenager).
Frankly, Kevin reminded me of everything I hated in myself. The social climate within our classrooms didn’t bode well for guys who liked doing other guys up the butt, so I wasn’t exactly comfortable in my own skin. Of course, my general uneasiness–on top of my lack of interest in boobs–gave me away to everyone else. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for someone to call me a “fag”.
Hence began a terrible lapse in judgment. My immediate response was to point to Kevin and say, “You think I’m a fag? Look at how much faggier he is.” This wasn’t one of the shining moments of my youth, and I’ll be the first one to admit it.
I had been feeling guilty about this before recent incidents, after I ran into Kevin on a NYC subway platform. With no hesitation, he hugged me and blurted out, “I’m so happy to see you!” And I couldn’t help but think to myself, “If only he knew the things I said behind his back…” Alas, the past can’t be changed, but we can learn from it.
– Dewitt
Sad to say I have, well I never did the bullying, but I never stopped it.
I hated myself so much in hs, because I knew I was gay, so I put my all into sports and became a jock so that no one would ever suspect anything about me. We had 2 semi flamboyant guys in our school one graduated and so my “friends” would pick on the other one pretty harshly, he was even on halloween our jr year. Steven (the guy they would pick on) is really smart, and I could see around thanksgiving that he wasn’t doing as well in school and that he seemed really frazzled. I caught him in the hall one day after school went up to him and he flinced and I just gave him a hug, and told him I was sorry, and he bawled his eyes out and I just held him for 5 mins. Of course rumors started the next day about me… which made me come out that week. Best decision I ever made, Stevie (who was suicidal at the time) is my best friend now.
Wow, Dewitt just seems like a shittier person the more he reveals about himself.
Bullied someone, no. I call friends fags though because were just joking together. I was bullied in High School before also. I tried to do bad some bad things to myself but I dnt think I could have the nerve to do it. But now, it doesnt really bother me much. I hate bullys. People should get put in jail if there is actual evince that the person that commit suicde was because of them.
I’ve never felt the need to post a comment on here. In fact, usually i just lurk and read the blogs, but Tommy’s comment was the most amazing thing i have ever read. that was sooo sweet.
I agree about Dewitt being a shithead. He never even took the opportunity to come clean with his ex school mate and make amends. Shame on you Dewitt. Manhunt should fire you. You lack integrity and sensitivity. Did you really learn anything?
OpalLion, if you’ve never done anything due to discomfort or the desire to fit in, then you won’t understand.
The fact that he feels remorse shows that she’s not shitty at all, but human.
I was fortunately left alone in High School, more or less. Only one guy was a douche to me, but it didn’t seem to have to do with my sexuality. I was asked once if I was gay, in the lunch room. It was embarrassing but I denied it and everyone moved on. As an adult, I wish I was stronger then and was able to say yes.
Oh, I was called fairy a lot in 3rd grade. Matt and Ryan… funny, they were nice to me when they were alone, but together they enjoyed tormenting me. But I was never ashamed, just frustrated that they wouldn’t leave me alone.
Does that make sense? Like a dog barking at you. You wish it would stop and you yell back at it, but you don’t kill yourself over it.
That’s my 2 cents… time to get back to work.
Seriously Dewitt, Seriously??
@Tommy: Thank you for sharing that story. On behalf of anyone who has ever had a friend pull him back from the depths, I thank you for being Stevie’s hero. You’re kinda mine now too.
If only one of those jocks in high school had pulled me into a bear hug… :-p
But for real, you’re awesome, and I hope you know it.
I read that sign as “fags belong don’t.” Is it a hate crime, or a literary one? 😀
I was bullied throughout middle school and junior high, because I was not good in sports (later found out it was partially because one of my eyes is real bad lol)….
by the time senior high came along I had moved to the US and while the same bullying did not occur (language barrier) I was a very angry kid afraid to make friends… my school was large (about 1500 students) and I had zero friends outside class…..
in college I was popular, but a lot of self esteem issues got carried over through the rest of my life, so a lot of depression, risky behavior, suicidal thoughts, etc could be connected to the early bullying… fortunately I have a good therapist and friends and family that love me, so I am (or like to believe) that I am a happy, well-adjusted and productive person today =-)
the question should really be “who has not been picked on for being gay?”
also wish I had a Tommie earlier in my life……
Oh, hey, let’s all hate on Dewitt because he’s a human, that’s really cool and is nowhere near as bad as bullying.
I hope that was dripping with enough sarcasm.
Anyway,that was really good of you Tommy, great story.
Tommy, I just have to say that I admire so much what you did for that young man in your school. You are a first class human being my friend! Thanks for sharing that story with all of us.
I would consider all these people who are making comments about Dewitt to be bullies. This is the reason these kids are committing suicide. We need to be supporting each other, not bringing each other down. How can you judge someone you don’t even know? That is the exact same thing a bully does. The only bullying I have experienced has been from other gay guys, never from a straight person. It makes me sick sometimes.
no I haven’t , but I have kicked the crap out of some bullier’s
Unfortunately, I have. In middle school, I was still very much in the closet. The school I went to, which was predominately afro-american, had teachers that would talk about religion in class as if we were in Catechism. A.J. was an easy target. He was small, shy, and had only one friend. The worst thing I did, other than not standing up for him, was starting the nick name “Gay-J” which spread faster than a brush fire in Southern California. I finally came out in the tenth grade. Although I was bullied, the high school I went to had a better support system for LGBTQ students. By the time I reached college, I started searching for A.J. to apologize for what I’d done to him. I found him, and I plan to meet up with him sometime this month to make that happen.
I was in a weird position in high school. I was out, but not flamboyant. Others in my HS were out and VERY flamboyant (including cross-dressing and one who was a male majorette). We all hung together. And no one bullied us — rather, WE bulled straight people. They knew then to fuck with the gays.
*NOT* to fuck with the gays, that is. Unless…
people technically dewitt didn’t bully the kid he spoke about him behind his back. and that was only to prevent becoming a target of bullies himself. it was a survival strategy not one that dewitt was proud of but something he did because he himself was scared. many of us have been there. either seen someone being bullied and havent spoken out because we were scared we would become their next target or did a dewitt
people technically dewitt didn’t bully the kid he spoke about him behind his back. and that was only to prevent becoming a target of bullies himself. it was a survival strategy not one that dewitt was proud of but something he did because he himself was scared. many of us have been there. either seen someone being bullied and havent spoken out because we were scared we would become their next target or did a dewitt….
Isn’t it funny how judgmental and hypocritical some of the posters on here are? I don’t think bullying is okay under any circumstances, but peer pressure and the internalized homophobia that many of us were taught to feel about ourselves are both really powerful forces to overcome, particularly when we’re young still learning about the lines between right and wrong.
I’m in my early 30s, and I couldn’t fathom being out when I was in high school and that was only 15 years ago. I got picked on occasionally, but nothing I would describe as bullying. However, there were kids who were bullied, including a few who transferred because of it. I think gay on gay bullying is pretty low, but give Dewitt a break – not all of us were virtuous pillars of benevolence and acceptance as teenagers like the self-righteous pricks who have been bashing him on here.
Well, I did have some homophobia in high school, but I never actually bullied/was bullied. More like I avoided the overly flamboyant people and gay public displays of affection. Luckly, I still had some gay friends (mostly lesbians) which helped me realize that I had homophobia because I was gay myself. Now I’m a junior in college and planning on coming out to family soon. I already came out to my friends. I’m so thankful for those lesbians though, I worry what I would be like if I hadn’t met any gay people. Probably still really homophobic.
Oh yeah, awesome story Tommy. I never saw any bullying at my high school, but I’m sure it was there and I hope there were some people like you around also.
I’ve been on the receiving end, but didn’t bully any.
I appreciate Dewitt’s honesty. All of you guys hating on him…. Where is your open mindedness? You are worse than Dewitt ever was.
I’ve been on the receiving end of bullying. That’s one of the main resons I dropped out of school. I wouldn’t kill myself over it. There are far more worse things that being teased. You either build a tougher skin and get over it or you let it destroy you. There are so many times that I wish I had the personality then that I have today. I would have given it to them one four. The funniest thing of all is that one of my main taunters. The biggest one in fact, has now turned out to be a card carrying member of the gay club himself. I laughed when I saw him, because he tried to hit on me. I told him to go f*ck himself, because I had too much pride in myself to stoop that low.
Way to go James! You said everything I only thought but didn’t know how to say!
I never bullied another gay kid. I was deeply in denial about myself, and tried to keep to myself in school. Especially from 8th to high school. I was picked on/bullied all my child hood, both at home at other family members and in school. At 14, I “couldn’t” take it anymore, so I had some medication and decided I’d had enough. So, when I was getting ready for bed one night, I took all of my pills. I’d seen it on tv, so I figured it would work. I went to bed with a smile on my face thinking, this is it, I won’t be a bother to anyone anymore. The next morning, I woke up, and when I realized it didn’t work. I broke down and cried. Today, I’m glad it didn’t work. My life has been interesting at times, boring at others, but I have never thought of doing that again. If I see a child that looks like they might need some positive attention, I give them all the attention they can stand. You never know what they are going thru, they might tell you, or keep it to themselves. But someone should show them that not everything is going to be bad.
@Tommy: that was such a touching story, I glad that kid had you to help him out.
Oh and guys lay off Dewitt, he made mistake & I bet yall have made some too in the past. No one is perfect, but everyone can acknowledge their faults. So ease up.
I myself have never been bullied for being gay, but I was bullied for being black…but I made that stop pretty fast, lol…
It happened when I was at school & this kid had being picking on me for weeks. During break one afternoon, he was pissing me off, so I kindda called the guy out in front of everyone (well.. and I pushed him, but nothing more) cause I was sick and tired of his stupidity (plus it showed what kindda person he was to everyone present). Then we were sent to the principal’s office…and after that he didn’t bully me. He became really timid actually, and I kindda felt sorry for him…I even extended “the hand of friendship” on my B-day, which was like a week after that.
Anyway, I guess my case was fortunate cause I know that some people who confront bullies get even more abused than before… But I gotta say if people ever find themselves on the receiving end of bullying (no matter what the reason), you shouldn’t let it put you in a dark place, because that won’t help you or anyone else. Find a support group or someone to talk to.
I say fight through the struggle/pain/loneliness, cause at the end of that hardship, you’ll feel happy, you would have learnt something about yourself and you’ll be stronger. 🙂
I also was quite moved by Tommy’s story. Sadly, I remember bullying a guy I thought was gay when I was 16 in high school. It was a one-time incident where I saw him walking toward me and I intentionally buried my shoulder in his chest as we passed each other. My friend laughed when I did it. We were all classmates and if I ran into him today I would apologize and ask for forgiveness.
I knew at the time I was attracted to guys as well as women… I just tried to fight it for so long. I grew up in a conservative home in the Deep South and being gay was/is just not acceptable even in this day and age… let alone 20 years ago.
I think we all struggle with our identity in our teenage years and it took me over 10 years after the incident to come out to myself and date guys.
I also look back at the urban/suburban environment I grew up in and realize how much the street life played in my upbringing. Two of my friends as a teenager went to prison… one for attempted murder and the other for armed robbery. It was definitely a macho culture that might not have tolerated anything gay/effeminate.
It’s interesting because now I’m secure with who I am, have started boxing training, and that’s a sport where you confront so many fears about yourself and your opponent in the ring.
Now, if people ever have a problem with who I am I point to the ring and they are free to always confront me in there.
I hope younger gay men/teenagers will read this and understand there is so much to life after school/college. People change and you’ll also change… in how you view/live your life
Jasonnt on Manhunt
First comment I’m doing here on the blog. Just thank you Tommy for sharing, made my day! 😉
I’ve actually never been bullied or harassed. I think a few people probably made fun behind my back, but it never really affected me.
I actually am kinda curious to see intolerance. I’ve never really come face to face with it. As a white guy I’ve never really seen prejudice.
Except reverse discrimation. Sometimes when chicks learn you’re gay they’ll get too excited. I’m sorry, but just because I’m gay doesn’t mean I am going to the mall to get my nails done with you. I’m not judging “your other gay friend” for enjoying it. But it ain’t my cup of tea.
i went to a few different jr. high and high schools: 2 that was 70% black, 20% asian, and 10% white; 2 that was 75% hispanic and 5% asian, 5% black, and 15% whites….
i had to constantly “watch my back” the whole year, esp when i first started in the 7th and 8th grades cuz i was a slim skinny runt who looked like i was starved to death and no matter what i did could not get any bulk or muscle on me…. so other dudes constantly tried to get me and others who were shy, thin, ugly, stupid, or of a certain less-populated race
but i NEVER ever bullied anyone, and no one really bullied me as i steered clear of the majority of my school-mates
Thanks ToddM. It was a very impowering moment for me. I wish every young gay man & woman could get that moment. I felt free afterwards. It was odd. Almost like my childhood was finally good in my memories. No more focusing on the negative, because I now realized he was no better than me, and I was ok all along. I think that is the biggest issue. Many young people deep down inside think the taunting words are true, and believe it themselves. After that moment it all cam down to the fact that the taunting words weren’t true al those years, and that I was good all along. The fact that i got to turn him down on top of all of that was just icing on the cake.
I went from a Catholic grade school to a Public high school in the late 70’s. I knew 5 people,1 was my cousin. I was 12,knew I was gay by 8 yrs old,and in my part of Philly,being suspected of being gay was the “kiss of death”.I was short,cute and meaner than a rattlesnake in order to survive.”Faggot,queer,fairy”,God forbit anyone called me those names.I did what I had to do in order not to be the “gay” one,even though I had people,including my Dad and other family members,tell me I was”acting gay at times”.Did I bully guys in school,Yes!Only if they accused me of being a fag or came act me for fights,and trust me they always lost cause I was the best street fighter. So Dewitt,don’t worry about it,somehow we all survived!
No, but I’ve definitely told various gay men I know to develop a personality and to think about their actions. (ie. Gold spandex and feather boas aren’t a good idea the one day a year gays become really visible in the comunity.)
Probably not the same thing… LOL.
Similar to Jake, never been bullied or done the bullying. I was fortunate enough to excel in sports and never was ‘out’ to anyone in high school except my best friend. I can’t say I ever saw anyone get bullied over their sexual orientation either…but I didn’t know anyone who was openly gay.
Thank you for sharing Tommy! Like others have mentioned, that brightened my day.
I have never bullied anyone in any of my classes or grade levels. Also, I have never been bullied by any of my schoolmates. I was however bullied by my family on a daily basis. Often beaten and abused for being gay at such a young age. My brothers and sisters said they weren’t related to me. My mother once left me at an orphange when I was 4 years old, and my father tried leaving me in the state of Texas when I was 14. It was my grandparents on both sides that really took me in and accepted me for who I am. I was tricked into doing things on a perverse level with 2 of my cousins, and on top of it all, I was forced to play daisy duke at a play held in our church.
Im glad the past is done and over with. Thank you God for always being there. I look forward to better days!
I never bullied someone else for being gay. I didn’t know of any guys that were out at my school – if I had suspicions about other guys, I was more fascinated than hateful toward them, haha.
I did get bullied a LOT in early high school – but never for being gay (moreso for being fat, teacher’s pet, having no friends, etc… all the cruel shit that kids do). I think I might have been called a fag occasionally by random people and I heard from others about talk behind my back but it never really was a big deal and it was later on. I actually find it strange that it didn’t happen more because I studied dance at school, had a tight group of female friends, and could be considered a little bit flamboyant in speech.
I wish I could go back and do it all again now and be more confident about me but such is life, i guess. Its funny, only 3 years later, one of the most popular guys in my high school and the school captain is gay and out and proud. nobody cares. i think times will be better for gay kids in the future.
Yes I have. Hard to believe, but 5 years ago I was extremely homophobic, and there was a family friend that me and a friend used to tease for being gay (my friend no longer talks to me because I am gay.. taste of my own medicine I suppose). A completely long story, but the point is I have.
Never got bullied,, never bullied anyone. I really don’t care to be around a “flamer”, just not my “thing”, but I never ragged on them either. I’m really not interested about anyone else’s sexuality unless I want them. Since Ive always been pansexual and had no trouble being with anyone of either sex, and never opened up about sex with guys, I was never called out except possibly once. Got asked once in the locker room after a basketball game if I was gay, told the guy, “The only way to tell for sure is to suck my dick and see if I like it”. Everyone immediately moved on to another subject which was definitely not me. Thinking back it must have been pretty apparent that I swung both ways since I’d been with a good share of the junior and senior athletic types who were there at the time. I finally decided to stick with guys, got sick and tired of just about every female I was with starting to do the ‘commitment’ routine, even after my saying repeatedly that it was just not my shtick at all.
Thank you Dewitt for this post. It of course seems that some guys on here think you’re shitty for it but ignore them. It has more to do with their need to judge than it does with you. It’s hard for people to look in the mirror of life and see their own stuff being reflected back at them like you saw in Kevin. As kids we all did what we thought we needed to do to be safe. We can only hope that as life moves on for us that we learn to do better but also that we have to forgive ourselves and your story about Kevin really brings that out. Anything that you worried about in regards to Kevin was all your stuff. As you saw Kevin was glad to see you because you clearly treated him (at least to his face) with respect. What you said behind his back has more to do with you than with him, so forgive yourself. If you had been holding on to that guilt, only you held it because he was clearly glad to see you. If he knew about what you did, he has clearly forgiven you, so hopefully you can/have too. Prey animals stick together for defense. I’m sure he felt some sort of kinship to you even if unspoken.
So no matter what these people say about you for sharing this, let them. It takes guts to share this type of thing and good on you for doing it. MORE OF THIS TYPE POSTING PLEASE! (in addition to talking about dicks and asses and TV).
I was bullied quite a bit from elementary through middle school and, though I’m fairly sure more taunts were used, the names fag and homo definitely stuck in my mind. I don’t think the bullies every actually thought that, but to a 13 year-old those are pretty insulting.
It’s funny though cause I’m fairly sure it’s only a matter of time the guys that did that come out of the closet. I punched one in the eye for humping me while he was naked at a summer camp, and the other has a fondness for shoes, muscles, and male cheerleading…
Unfortunately, that didn’t stop me from contributing to a guy getting outed. Some friends and I heard him say he was bi and talked about it on the bus. He got shit for it for the rest of high school. I feel bad for it even though he seemed to open up enough to date a guy while there.
gosh I came to this blog to get a boner, and instead of my dick leaking, my eyes are. Nonetheless I am happy I read some of these.
I already commented that I never bullied but was bullied a lot. Every day, I continue to be bullied. By straight men as well as gay men. Why? Because my beliefs don’t fit in with either side.
I know this sounds lame, but each night, I lay in bed and cry. I just want to belong. I never have. But I can’t compromise the way I believe! So what do I do? I went through the list of people on my phone last night, seeing who I could confide in. I couldn’t find one person. I wish cancer would have won now. I don’t have any will to live.
Life sucks. I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. But I don’t have the courage to end it. So I will continue to live my miserable life. Alone. Sad. Abused.
Nothing is ever worth ending your life over Todd. You were spared from Cancer for a reason. You may not know what that reason is yet, but there is a chance that you’ve helped or touched somebody in this world that you don’t even know about. We all have those moments of feeling sad, alone, and abused. So if we all have those feelings, then we are never truly alone are we? Someone out there in the world is feeling the exact same way. Whenever I feel down I love to take my Dog Star, walking to the Bay down the road from my home and watch the sunset or rise. Take in a deep breath of the saltwater air, and listen to nature being alive all around me, and for some reason after that I feel better. Don’t know why, but I do. It may sound corny, but maybe it’s because I see the small family of Cardinals in the tree above me, and know that even though they are animals they have a much harder life than I ever will. They struggle everyday to feed their babies and each other, fight off predators, and struggle with the fact that Humanity is expanding so much they are loosing places to call home. Yet they still sing. Everyday they sing, and that makes me smile.
Wow ToddM that’s kindda intense and I feel for you. But I must say “Snap outta it!” There are several people who don’t believe they fit in, lord knows I don’t, but I keep searching for those that will accept me for me. Yeah, its really hard and people may disagree, but you can’t look back at things you’ve survived and wish you hadn’t. You may think it takes “courage” to “end it” but you’re wrong (and I think you know that). The action which takes “courage” is going through your life, facing those obstacles head on and finding a means of over coming them.
Like you, I’ve looked through my phone contacts, my email & my Facebook, and I can honestly say there isn’t one person I feel I can confide in. But I don’t care, it doesn’t make me wanna give up. & If I do get to a point where I break down, I let it out, sing and a few moments after I’m fine….there’s always a bright side. Remember life is a precious journey & it’s the experiences (good & bad) along the way which make worth.
*…make it worthwhile*
I was bullied in high school, mainly for being a skinny kid with big thick glasses. I was dealing with sexual abuse at the time at the time from my cousins and I know now that is what made me less outgoing, but I still had friends from my part-time job who were always supportive.
I remember that there was a guy in the class ahead of me who was openly gay and was threatened if he brought his boyfriend to the prom. I don’t remember if he went, but I just remember how brave he was to be himself (and come to school in roller skates) in spite of threats and basically not backing down. I never knew what happened to him after high school and we were never friends, but I always remember him.
Why doesn’t that surprise any of us ToddM? And seriously – who is bullying you these days? You are a 37 year old man and you are still being bullied? Sorry, I just dont buy it. Then again, that would help explain why you constantly bully and attack everyones posts on here. Probably because you are projecting your bullying onto everyone else.
Why is it that we can never all just get along and let things go? If anyone has bullied someone, that’s their burden to bare. People are always bullied in many different ways in life. No matter how old we get there is always bullying. It’s a sad fact, that many of us never truly grow up. Todd poured out that he was in pain. Some may not believe that, but just think for a moment he is, and put yourself into that position. Would anyone want any snide remarks about it? No, of course not. That is after all what this thread is all about. We have been hated by the most of Society for being different for so long that we can’t see when we are doing the exact same thing to others. We all may not have ths ame view on life, love, & religion, but for this site we do all have one thing in common. We are all gay. That means we are all in the same boat. So we can all either try to work together and keep that boat floating and heading to a better future for those like us, or we can fight amongst ourselves over the differences of opinions and let the boat drift of into the deep blue, and fail those young gay men and women who are counting on us to make the world a bit of a better and more accepting place for them.
Kevin owes you an ass whipping.