There comes a point in every relationship when this becomes a topic of discussion. Should we move in together or not? These seven words alone have the ability to make grown man cringe. Yet some folks consider it an exciting concept, an opportunity to take your partnership to the next level. Not to mention that there’s always sex on tap…
What are your feelings on cohabitation? Does it always make a relationship stronger, or can it potentially be the breaking point for some couples? More importantly, have you ever moved in with one of your boyfriends? How did it work out for you?
It may seem like I’m throwing a whole lot of random questions out there, but the topic has been on my mind for the past couple of weeks. Remember this guy? Or perhaps you’d remember him as this guy. Well, it may come as a surprise to you, but we’re still together to this day. Also, we’ve been chatting about taking the next big step, so feel free to chime in with your feedback.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: My Brother’s Hot Friend
To see these guys getting “distracted” from their moving process, follow the JUMP:
First of all, congrats on the possible moving in together.
I’ve done it twice and both times ended badly.
I came to realize the second time that I needed my own space sometimes and having a live-in BF didn’t allow that.
Plus, I’m really fond of screaming, “Get the FUCK out of my apartment!” whenver there was a fight.
Yes and it worked out fine. You have to look past the romance and sex for a second and treat it like moving in with a regular roomie and dicuss how things will work. I’ve had one bad roomie and that was my last. My Bf could be fine as hell but if the relationship ends you don’t wanna be stuck with a bunch of bills too.
I moved in with mine about 6 months ago (before getting engaged) after dating for a little over 2 years. It has made our relationship better, when we fight, I can’t run home and not address the problem because he’s going to be there when I get back. He’s pretty incredible so we don’t fight about much, at first it was different having someone constantly in my space, but I wouldn’t have it any other way now.
I really thought always having the same person around me would make me go crazy but it’s quite the opposite. I think it all depends on the people involved and if they really want to take it to that level because it can be suffocating.
i asked my awesome boyfriend to move into my kind of small apartment several months ago. Now, we’re about to sign a lease on a much bigger place together, instead of just putting him on my crummy lease. So, we’re excited about that. Plus, whenever we have a problem with each other, we talk it out… no yelling – so far, lol.
I moved in with one of mine once — and it ended as a result of the “too much closeness” stuff (and the fact that he was jealous of my friends, so I stopped hanging with them, which put us together all the time….)
My advice is move in, but maintain at least some semblance of separate lives for a couple of years. You don’t need to “share” or even like all of each others friends, and having an outlet for the “shaking out” period of a move-in relationship is important.
Having done it three ways there is only one way that I would recommend. Moving into one of the established households creates creates the opportunity for one partner to do exactly what Chris referred to above. Starting in a completely new space where you can decide together how the furniture is arranged, etc., from the very start creates a better starting point and at least for me led to much stronger feelings of “our place” much faster than one of us being on the other’s turf.
Before I would have said take it slow and talk about it a lot first. But with my current bf I didn’t take my own advice. I met the guy, he moved in, he left his wife, and he complained about closet space, all in 3 weeks, well, ok, maybe 2 weeks at the outside. Would I do it again? Slime that I am, probably.
I did. We lived together, worked together… Were always together. Not a good thing from that perspective. We never had alone time. But I would most DEFINITELY do it again!
I think this is a funny question since a lot of the posts lately have been about getting gay marriage legalized… Don’t married couples live together most of the time?
I’ve lived with my partner for 9 years. It was wonderful, annoying, terrifying, obnoxious, hilarious, tragic and a huge growing experience. Our relationship ended amicably and he’s still in the house until we can get things separated and we can both stand alone. All in all it was great having someone in the house (other than the dogs) that you love and who loves you back… If you’re friends it makes it easier…. Too much “togetherness” can screw things up royally.
Well, unless you just want a constant one night stand, I would think about it. If you feel committed to this man, above and beyond the sex and lust (I know, hard concept for a gay man to grasp… apparently), you should seriously consider it. I’m looking forward to when I and a partner are at that point where we want to live in the same place. And again, it’s not just about the constant “sex on tap”, that shouldn’t even be a primary consideration. If that’s all you’re thinking about, well it probably will fail.
I really like Jonathan’s advice of BOTH of you moving to a new, neutral place. When someone moves into a place that someone else has already established, it’s sort of an intrusion. No matter how close you are to them. The established person has their own habits, and their own order in things. Throwing in someone else, who’s going to want to establish his OWN habits and order, will only create tension.
And Leo is also right. Treat the situation like it’s a roomie you’re moving in with. Make certain you both understand rules each other will have. It’s how you will co-exist in a living arrangement, and it’s how you will co-exist in a relationship.
All in all, this sounds like a very exciting time for you , Dewitt. Soon we’ll be reading blogs about the best way to pick paint colors and all that “new couple” type stuff. 🙂
Yes, I have moved in with a guy. I think it’s important that the two of you, or three or four depending on what works for you, move into a neutrall space that you can make yours. I moved into his place, and it bacame very clear after a while that he was very much attached to all of his things and very much entrenched in his way of doing things. This caused a lot of confusion, and it took a few long talks for him to understand how it made me feel and for me to understand that he had control issues that were too complex to be solved ex post facto. Needless to say, we are not together anymore, but we have been able to stay great friends, because there was always solid and honest communication between the two of us. Discuss things up front, so that way you have clear expectations going into the situation. It will save you both a lot of heartache down the line.
Personally, (and people get really mad at me when I say this) but I don’t believe in living together before marriage (or commitment ceremony or whatever other garbage). I don’t see the appeal in living with someone before you get married.
I need to have my own stuff, my own place, and my own place (at least for a while).
there are plenty of studies done on married (heterosexual) couples that show that the divorce rate is higher in couples who lived together before marriage, just saying.
I have never lived with a boyfriend, but at the rate I’m going it’s because I haven’t had a boyfriend for over 2 years now
I like you, PhillyDegz!
I love it! We do things together and have a business that keeps growing, pains and rewards, and those are secondary to the fact that we are number one in each others lives. We see beyond this selfish ideal we seem to have complaisant-ly ingrained in our culture. There is trust and respect mixed with loyalty and wisdom lol. We learned that we are not in competition but a team. We fight and argue about things that we are passionate about but we also have great make up sex. And sex is important especially when we get to share it on occasions ;). Anyways, with the right stuff you can live it up and live together..8 years now 🙂
PhillyDegz- That is why YOU will remain alone. For the rest. of your. life. (Dramatic effect just doesn’t work the same in text.)
Ok, you won’t be alone, I guess the many, many men you do and will run through will keep you a modicum of company… until you kick em out of YOUR place before they start touching YOUR stuff after sex. (I take it sharing wasn’t your strongest subject in kindergarten…)
Yes, mine ended well we are still great friends and I will always love him. It was a good break up and i would do it again with another man given the chance
I think I should clarify as to why I liked PhillyDegz. It was his first line…. Just sayin’. lol
I have a funny story.
Me and my boyfriend met in college. He was in the fraternity I pledged (TKE). I crossed and we became good friends my freshman year. Sophomore year I moved into the frat house and he and I had to share a room.
Eventually that year I came out to the guys in the frat and had no problems. Me and my roommate got drunk one night and fooled around which turned more frequent and frequent until he came to turns that he’s gay.
By my senior year we still shared a room and screwed like rabbits because we just young guys – we didn’t consider ourselves a couple until he graduated and moved back home.
I graduated a year later and moved with my parents and we were constantly driving an hour to hang out – or catch each other in the city since we both worked there.
It became apparent that we should just get a place. And we did. BUT – we didn’t share a room which was ironic. We both wanted a little space for our own – he likes making movies and editing and I play a lot of music so it was needed. But we still live together – switch off one whose room we sleep in. I like our current arrangement how it is cuz it still feels like we’re friends first.
Anyone has open relationship when u live with your BF?
My BF and I were together 2 years before we moved in together, and have now been together for just over 5 years since.
And to the poster above who said that cohabitating couples have a higher divorce rate: you’re right, they do, but not 100%. There is a key difference in the couples who broke up and the couples who didn’t. The couples that stayed married were engaged before moving in together.
I’ve been living with my boyfriend for about a year now. We were dating for about 4 years before that. We built a house and share all the costs and everything.
We’ve been pretty happy the last year. A few bumps along the road, with settling in to living with each other, but many more good times than bad.
We got a husky puppy that is a little over a year old now, and we’re planning on getting another one end of october.
Just keep the communications open and clear and don’t go into that “well he should know…” stuff. Relationships teach us about compromise and thinking beyond it being “all about me”. Test the living together waters. Spend at least a week together, then apart and together again. Good luck with it but remember good communication is the ONLY way to make it work.
god’s speed to those who make that foray.. ..but i don’t think I, myself, would try such a thing until i’d been acquainted with my beau for *at least* 7 years.
moving in with someone (or having someone move in with you) is no light matter.
nice stuff here, very very nice
No, I always get bored being around the same person day after day. And it usually doesn’t take a log time for that to happen. Best for me to just live alone, and someone can visit as much as they want. But I keep my options open to have others there or visit during that period. Have even invited some of these “others” to join me and the “steady” of the moment. Sometimes it works, sometimes not, but I keep my options open to check out what’s around the corner.
you’re a lucky man, Dewitt… hot fuckin damn!
hi every person,
I identified manhuntdaily.com after previous months and I’m very excited much to commence participating. I are basically lurking for the last month but figured I would be joining and sign up.
I am from Spain so please forgave my speaking english...
hi every person,
I identified manhuntdaily.com after previous months and I’m very excited much to commence participating. I are basically lurking for the last month but figured I would be joining and sign up.
I am from Spain so please forgave my speaking english...
Hmmmm… Tomarough1p and Romarez1tq are twins!
I never got the chance, really. As I was starting a new job & waiting to be put on permanent with my City of Tyler, TX position, I was hunting for a small house I could buy, hoping that my guy would want to move in with me. But after a year of dating, I got dumped by the bf without any explanation, the City never followed through on my employment agreement & the guys I was renting a room from decided they didn’t need my rent money anymore (at least that was their excuse).
When I was dating the guy I had a relationship with, I did used to visit him regularly almost weekly, driving over 100 miles to see him & I usually stayed with him 2 or 3 days at a time. We got along great, the sex was great & I got along great with his friends, his landlord & even his family.
I think that everyone, even a lover, needs their own space. If you’re going to be a couple living together, you need to be supportive of each other’s goals, careers & interests & do things together, but at the same time, know it’s okay to keep your old friends & to do a few things that don’t always include the other person. You just need to remember that you have someone at home that you love who’s always going to be there for you…if you’re lucky enough to find someone that special.
Moved in with my bf 6 months after meeting. Yeah things moved fast but that was almost three years ago now so its all worked out. The spark just stayed