Contrary to popular belief, I won't just sleep with anyone. Yes, I've had my moments of "taking one for the team", but haven't we all done that at some point in time? Being rejected isn't easy. And for some of us, turning someone else down is just as difficult. It doesn't take much to utter the words "I don't think this is going to work", so why does it always feel so fucking awkward?
Yesterday, a guy came over to my place. There weren't immediate sparks when he came through the door, but I figured I'd give him a chance. Although he was conventionally attractive and a good kisser, it took me a minute to realize that I personally wasn't attracted to him. Something didn't feel right about the situation, so I pulled away and sent him out the door.
But enough about me! I'm sure plenty of you have dealt with similar scenarios, and I'd love to hear your stories. Tell us all the details–have you ever had to reject a guy to his face? How did he react to the rejection?
– Dewitt
I haven’t sent anyone away, but I was once. I came over, we talked a little bit, then he spent the whole time downloading music and talking about wanting to go to American Eagle for a new belt. After 30 minutes, he decided to go and I had to leave too. I am actually glad we didn’t because he was a little weird looking. I was kind of pissed about driving for an hour and not getting anything for it.
I haven’t turned anyone away, but there were a couple of times I wish I had. Just felt dirty afterwards.
Yeah, one time this guy showed up who was older and weirder than when we chatted and talked on the phone. Then when we got busy, he just kept wanting to put his balls in my ass. Not fuck, just shove his balls up my butt. Um… I said, “Dude, I don’t think this is working out. Maybe you should go.” And he did. He actually said he appreciated the honesty.
I try and talk to every person before I invite them over or accept an invitation. So if I show up and the physical chemistry isn’t there, I usually had enough of a connection with personality that I can at least stay and have a movie night or surf the web together or something. I have actually gotten a lot of good friends out of it, and some of them I messed around with later. All the more reason to talk before f*cking.
no pic – no play. must talk on the phone. and meet in public. 😉
That is something I desperately need to work on. Sometimes I get lucky – the guy isn’t into me either, so if he hesitates, it gives me the chance to say, “If you’re not comfortable, that’s cool. We don’t have to do anything.” But more than once – okay, probably more than ten times, LOL – I’ve been with a guy I wasn’t into and found myself going through the motions because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I’m too much of a wuss.
Only once did I do this. The guy didnt look my type but had a huge cock…he came over we had a beer and chatted and finally I said “you know you are hot and everything just not my type.” He said thats cool thanks for your honesty…as he was walking to the door he turned and said in a very bitchy voice “you’re not my type either” I felt better after he did that cause it eased my guilt of kicking him out>
About a year ago, I let a guy persuade me to invite him over without seeing his pic. He turned out to be a midget. And not even a particularly good-looking one. Given that he’d told me he was VGL, I sent him away. He harassed me for a while by text message. Since then I insist on seeing a pic before I meet. On the few occasions when I’ve met without a pic, I tell the guy before he shows up that until I see him I don’t know if we’ll click at all so he shouldn’t expect to play until I’ve gotten a good look at him.
Honesty is always best. I’ve sent guys away, and been sent away. I’ve never had an awkward situation with that.
Yet, conversely, I’ve stayed when I SHOULD have left, and guys have followed through when when they should have put on the breaks, and those times HAVE been awkward, usually with me feeling like a dirty whore.
Live and learn!
@Logan — that is called putting the dogs in the bath tub.
I’ve never kicked anyone out or been asked to leave, but on two occasions I have gotten the hell out of there. Mission Aborted. I just said “yeah, this isn’t gonna work” and bolted for the door both times. It is a very “run, don’t walk” situation.
I’ve had guys come over that I’ve turned away. For various reasons as mentioned above. But the most awful moments are when you pick someone up in a bar. The chemistry seems good and he kisses good. Then you bring him home and he lays like a lump and does nothing. Totally awkward. This happened to me about a year ago. I drove a guy back to my place and realized it was a mistake. I offered to drive him home and it was even a greater drive and he whined the whole time about wanting to know what he did wrong. How do you say you are lousy sex to a needy man? He was very attractive and well dressed but I was mortified.
I’ve been sent away twice. Both times after having the door opened and hearing “oh. You’re black. Sorry a friend just called me so I can’t do this now.”
I guess the phrase “mixed race 1/2 black & 1/2 white” in my then profile was too hard to understand. one guy went on to explain that he didn’t think I was going to be as dark as I was (I’m not at all dark) because I was so articulate and quick-whitted.
It is the sole reason the “not into black guys phrase” is so annoying to me, the assumption that most black guys are ‘street’ or thugish.
I rarely do hook ups, and the one that I did do, I saw aLOT of pictures before hand. He was bi-curious. We got doin stuff. But he just wasn’t getting into it. It was understandable. He felt bad, but i said “It’s not like you’re gettin hard any way.” So we bull shitted for a but, not awkwardly, and then I headed home.
I think if hooking up became less of norm, this question would not be a problem. I agree, full heartedly, with Travis’s method. Try and see if things click as buds first before fucking. That’s why the ideas of fuck buddies seems pretty sweet. You don’t mind hanging out with the guy as friends, but then if you’re alone an the mood hits you both, you can just go at it and then play some Halo after. HAHA! That’s why I adore my boyfriend. Haha. We pretty much have that reltionship, except with the romantic twist to it.
Yes I’ve turned guys away for any number of reasons – mostly they weren’t what they represented … even been in the midst of it and it just wasn’t working, again, usually guy misrepresented. I’ve walked in and turned away. And it’s happened to me … just try to be polite – karma ya know.
But some of the best sex was the time I ignored my first thought to turn him away.
I’ve never turned anyone away, but I’ve had a few encounters that resulted in no second dates,the most memorable being a three-way in which one half of the couple was more engrossed in the STRAIGHT porn playing on the DVD than with me or his partner. When I arrange to meet in public first, half the time they say they’ll call but never do, the other half become fuck buddies. As for excuses on the other guy’s part before getting down and dirty, one guy pretended that a cousin just called after being taken to the hospital (the cell phone neither rang nor vibrated), another claimed he just “wasn’t feeling it” after an IM claiming how horny he was, and yes, I actually had a guy claim he was “getting a headache” and had to leave! There’s a reason why honesty is the best policy.
I started asking for what I call a meet and greet with no expectations, sometimes the guy can look exactly like his pics but for some reason, we just don’t click…
But who am I kidding, a lot of times when I’m horny, I just do the hookup thing…
but what pisses me off the most is when a guy claims to have 6 or 7 inches and its more like 3 or 4…unless he is a hot bottom, then who cares!