I ain’t even gonna FRONT! I was super turnt up to interview my girl Big Dipper. He’s going to be shaking his FINE hairy butt on stage in the Accidental Bear Queer Music Tour, and you just KNOW Ms. Boulangerié Knowles is ALL about supporting LGBTQ mental health and musicians who put on a great show. Don’t be surprised if you see me poppin’ my pussy at one of the stops in San Francisco, Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle or New York Citaaaaay! My booty don’t LIE.
But y’all can get familiar with all the logistics (and buy a damn t-shirt) here. I wasn’t hired to be no messenger FOOL! I was hired to kiki like a motherfucker with one of hip-hop’s biggest rising stars, and child let me TELL you, we had a good-ass time getting to know one another… IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! And I think y’all bitches know.
[EDITOR’S NOTE: Neither Manhunt Daily nor Big Dipper could confirm the accuracy of the following events. Boulangerié has been known to tell tall tales around Manhunt, headquarters, especially regarding her relationship to Adam Levine, so please don’t believe anything she says, writes or twerks.]
It all popped off when Big Dipper invited me to the studio to listen to his hot new track “RIDICKLUS“. I was feeling it from the get-go—because you KNOW Ms. Boulangerié Knowles is ALL about getting that good dick—but then the beat switched around the thirty second mark and my panties DROPPED to the floor like that ratchet-ass hummingbird ho from the “Oops! (Oh My)” song.
As if I got possessed by the music, I floated across the room and unbuttoned Big Dipper’s cut-off shorts with my teeth, sliding the zipper down and making his boxers EVAPORATE like they were never there. That’s right, honey! I had this motherfuckin’ hairy adonis buck-ass naked in front of me, and I knew what I had to do next…
TWERK! What in the FUCK did y’all perverts think we were gonna do? I’m steady trying to score myself a free ticket to his show, so I worked my booty-magic to put together a submission to the Manhunt Daily Twerking Contest. It was just me and Big Dipper, bent over naked, spreading our ass cheeks and twerking the FUCK out. I don’t even know if I’m gonna give that shit to Dewitt to post, because y’all basic bitches can’t handle that much sexiness all up in your eyeballs.
Now I TOLD you! I’m not gonna front with this interview. When I saw this man’s “DICK HANG LOW” between his thick, hairy legs, I was leaking SO hard that I had to get a piece of that ass. He didn’t see it coming when I nose-dived straight into his sweaty hole and put my NAME on that booty with my tongue. I gave that ass a smack, then slid a finger (or three) up in there.
“Cool it down with those Lee press-on nails, gurl,” he said… But if he thought that was something, he wasn’t ready for what was coming NEXT!
MORE DANCING! Damn, y’all thirsty as FUCK if you thought it was something else. I spun that motherfucker around on my finger on some acrobatic Cirque du Soleil tip, while dipping it low and making my pussy pop. Child, I can’t CONTROL myself when those Big Dipper songs come on!
I just think about that all that fur brushing UP against my skin and that thick dick PUMPING my throat like a cheap-ass trick. I had to get my mouth around that, and this song gave me the PERFECT opportunity to work it into the interview like a true professional WOULD. I’m on my Oprah shit, cunts.
“What’s your dick like?” I asked.
He knew EXACTLY what I was asking for and started to stuff my esophamagus with reckless abandon. I would feel his pre-cum making my lipstick smear, but I didn’t give a FUCK in the world, ’cause I had my mouth on your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper’s DICK! His balls were smacking my chin to a unique rhythm, and he started doing a freestyle right over the beat.
My pussy was SOAKED. It was a motherfuckin’ deluge down there. Pussy juice TSUNAMI.
As soon as “DICK BOUNCE” came over the speakers, I couldn’t resist hopping on that DICK and bouncing on it to the beat. I started spitting my own freestyle over the sounds we made, and he was like, “Daaaaamn, we should do a collaboration some time!” I squirted all OVER the place when I heard him say that.
Now, Ms. Boulangerié Knowles isn’t one to kiss and tell, but some rumors are going around that our interview ended like this, and I needed a WHOLE damn roll of Bounty paper towels (y’all cunts better pay me for that mention like you promised) to clean my face off. If you wanna speculate like a THIRSTY-ass ho about that, go right ahead and do whatever pleases you. All I’m gonna say is that we kept it classy, and we kept it CUTE.
After that, I was ready to keep the party going to the They Ain’t Ready EP (available for free download through BigDipperJelly.com), but my future HUSBAND had to stay on his hustle and run to a photo shoot. This bitch is always so damn busy! I LOVE that about him. He never stops, and I don’t think he ever WILL stop shaking his fine ass and rapping about his DICK.
In conclusion, y’all should all stop being smegma-encrusted scrotums and BUY A DAMN TICKET to his show. It’s for a damn good cause.
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Wow, that was intense! You got my dick swole, you dirty ass hoe!
I could not muster the courage to scroll down past the jump pic
A mother fucker?? Those incest comics are getting to Dewitt’s head!!