I Saw Brett Swanson Kissing Santa Claus (And Fucking Him Too)

You can call me a Grinch, but for the most part, I really loathe the majority of Christmas-themed porn. You can’t just slap Santa hats onto a bunch of muscle jocks and expect me to unleash my (warm, creamy and quite plentiful) holiday spirit onto the world. Put some thought and creativity into it! Or if you’re going to be completely unoriginal, at least go for something that’s tried and true.

This entire holiday revolves around a big, hairy man who tells people to sit on his lap and tell him what they want (and, you know, something else about a pregnant virgin). That alone should be enough to deliver a scene that’s deliciously deviant. We’re not even taking into account the other possibilities like sacks full of toys, unwrapping packages and cumming down chimneys. There’s a lot of material to work with here! At the very least, make someone shove a candy cane up his butt!

Fortunately, Randy Blue gets that they should take this opportunity to have some fun. The concept for their Christmas scene isn’t complicated. A young, horny man (Brett Swanson) dreams about licking some balls, then a drunk, horny Santa (Jordan Levine) stumbles in and starts pleasuring him. We’re told the tale by a handsome, horny narrator (Chris Rockway), reading a twist on Clement Clarke Moore‘s “A Visit From St. Nicholas”. This provides us with the following genius visuals:

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Now, I don’t want to delve into hyperbolic territory, but Chris Rockway in a Christmas cat sweater might be the best thing I’ve seen all year long. This might actually go down in history as the best thing anyone has ever seen. My body was not prepared to see something this amazing. I’m pretty sure, in fact, that my soul just flew out of my mouth and ran into the other room, because he needed some alone time to “take care of a few things”. This. Made. My. Life.

On top of that? The scene actually isn’t half-bad either! Brett Swanson clearly deserved a spot on our 2013 countdown of the “Most Astonishing Holes“, and if we actually ever made a list of this year’s best gay porn beards, it’s safe to say that Jordan Levine would be in the top ten (if not the top five). The ratchet Santa look really works for Jordan, as well. Randy Blue is smart enough to let the costume do its job and set the scene, then remove the stupid hat when the sex starts.

I mean, everyone knows that Santa takes off his hat when he fucks you, right? That’s just common knowledge! If you skip the milk and cookies on the kitchen table—opting to leave him a bottle of lube and a fresh box of condoms instead—you’ll find out the truth soon enough. Just make sure to go to sleep in a sexy jockstrap with your head full of slutty dreams.

– Dewitt

Photo credit: Randy Blue

Watch the amazing trailer for Randy Blue’s Christmas scene below:

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WARNING – PREPARE YOUR BODY FOR HOT CHRISTMAS SWEATER ACTION:

Check out this full scene (and see more of both men) at RANDY BLUE.

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