As more countries and US states adopt laws that support marriage equality, the word “married” has begun to take on a different definition on Manhunt. Years ago, you never had to question whether these men were in a relationship with a man or a woman. The implications were obvious—this guy isn’t getting what he needs from his wife at home, so he logged on to explore other options. Other options that may or may not involve getting rammed up the ass, a warm throat engulfing his cock or other similar variations.
There is one side to this debate who would say that sleeping with any married man is just plain wrong, period. Cheaters are bad, they say! Maybe they’ve been on the other side at some point, or perhaps they adhere to a strict sense of morality, based on religion, upbringing or their perception of common decency. Whatever the case, they want nothing to do with married men. Gay, bi, straight or however they identify.
The other side of the debate is a little more flexible. They argue that another man’s infidelity is none of their business. If his significant other isn’t giving him what he needs at home, why shouldn’t they provide it for him? It would almost be rude to say “no”, they say! It is their duty, as a human being, to bring this married man to orgasm.
Of course, there’s a division in that latter faction! Some folks who are into married men are exclusively looking for the straight variety. Entire dissertations could be written on this preference and where it stems from, and in the interest of remaining somewhat neutral, I’ll just say that I’ve known plenty of gay, married men who were rejected once their suitors found out they had a male partner. Were they rejected because these guys didn’t want to betray their fellow gay brethren? Or is the answer much deeper than that?
As far as you’re concerned, is there a difference between sleeping with a straight married man and a gay married man? Leave a comment with your thoughts, and let’s try our best to be civil and respect the opinions of others.
– Dewitt
Photo credit: My Husband Is Gay
Discuss this topic and watch a poorly-acted scene between a married man and his trick below:
See more of Brian Bonds and Joey Cooper at MY HUSBAND IS GAY.
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Good question, as one might think that infidelity of any kind is blind. Having said that, is it more understandable if a married man (to a woman) seeks out a man for intimacy as its a need which is not fulfilled with his spouse?
How about the reversal? Would it be less wrong if a gay married man cheated on his spouse and slept with a woman?? Nevermind, a gay male dude would never do that, lol!
Well now that the voters of Washington have allowed me to become a gay married man I feel like I can really weigh in on this one. It’s always confused me a bit why we feel the need to project our stuff onto the person that we’re considering having sex with. The exact configuration of his relationship shouldn’t be any of my business if we’re just going to have sex. I believe from talking to my friends who have that “no married men” rule that they are coming from it with the thought that “we might just have sex now but if it works out I might want it to become more”. I get that but maybe they should just try being more in the present moment. The (married or single) guy might be the hottest fuck of your life AND he may have no interest in forming a relationship with you so you missed out on the hot sex (or in the worst case, a bit of pleasurable fun) because of your own projections about the future. Sad face to that.
For women to think this way is a bit more understandable to me because women are genetically wired differently from men. They see men as the potential father of their children and since most women will have 1 or 2 children, they want to make that choice wisely (and that wisdom is often questionable but that’s another topic all together). Men however are looking for something else…release, pleasure, connection. Every fuck doesn’t have to lead to a relationship. In fact if you go into it as man with that expectation, you’re really setting yourself up for lots of hurt when every fuck doesn’t evolve into a relationship.
Have fun. Enjoy the moment. Be present and let the other person worry about themselves being present (which includes being at peace with their relationship status what ever it is).
I was on the side of being cheated on……. for 4 years. His argument was that it was “just sex”, he didn’t love these people. He came home to me for “love”. He came home to me because I basically supported him…(house, bills, taxes, better job, work around the house) No, he wasn’t younger, basically the same age. Cheating is cheating no matter who’s in the relationship. If you don’t want to be faithful, WHY do you get into a relationship?? Being exclusive is what makes it a relationship. Stay single… screw around… every day if it suits you. THe fact that you get into relationships (marriages) is to give yourself to one person. Think about it… of everything in the world an individual is just that…… one of a kind. By giving yourself to just one and expecting it in return is the greatest gift you can give your partner…. no one else has that exact person. BOttom line, if you are committed to marriage, a relationship, a person…. then do it. If not stay single and date.
Couldn’t agree with you more, Railman!!
I have found that in homosexual partnerships man::man ~ the fact that both partners are male, there is more chance of straying because males are more bound to/distracted by ~ the physical. I feel the decision should be left up to the “committed” partner and not me. My job, in that sense, is not to tease or provoke, but to be available to satisfy…if one or the other wants to stray or try something new, or is in a situation (not uncommon) where something has become old and worn out, or is just not satisfying anymore. In that sense, our pairing is not the problem, but the proof of something better…over the rainbow or later on in life!
Of course a closeted or on the down-low conventional marriage partner (also male) also needs (can thrive on) distraction and satisfaction…occasionally, too~!!! It’s like playing cards: you never know who is going to win, or even who all the “players” are going to be!
But it is NOT my job, to break things up between two one-time committed partners. My job is to have a loving, supportive heart, a listening ear, and to conceal my big erection!
As Clorice Leachman once said, in a 70’s sit-com: A whoe – man should never appear naked except before her husband or brothers, and, of course: All men are brothers!!!
does it really matter, when your in a relationship, married ,unmarried, gay, straight, isn’t it wrong to cheat on your other half.
Either way it’s bad but the outcome of a “straight” man having an affair with another man is worse. Wives can be absolutely devastated. They question themselves as a woman, believe that they are stupid for marrying a gay man or that they some how made their husband gay. My mother is going through it right now and it’s not pretty.
Being raised in the “one man, one woman” world, I have always believed that it is wrong to cheat. When I finally admitted to myself that I was gay, and began dating men, that belief never wavered. It makes no difference if it is man/woman, man/man, or woman/woman, I still believe that cheating is wrong. I won’t go so far as to blame my religion for my beliefs, although I do profess to be a Christian. However, I will say that sex is more than “just sex” to me, and the few times that I have been with a partnered man, I have suffered some emotional anguish afterward. So, I generally turn folks down, if I find that they are partnered. I have to admit that occasionally I am weak, and my physical needs will outweigh my emotional ones.
That being said, there are probably as many different definitions of relationships as there are people in them. Many folks are in so-called “open relationships/marriages” and as long as they stay within the parameters that they set for themselves, they don’t consider anything outside the relationship as cheating.
Others are just made to cheat regardless of their gender or sexual orientation.
I make no judgements. I just know what is right for me, and try my best to live that way, and I don’t try to force my beliefs on anyone else. I try to live this way in all aspects of my life.
We’re all adults – my partner and I have worked these issues out in our relationship – and everyone should in theirs – I know gay as well as straight couples who have alternating views on this issue. To each their own, really.
MdSing – you were far more eloquent than I am. And you show the gamut of emotions we all face in a short space. The capstone is your fianl paragraph – “I make no judgments.” How different the world would be if we all spent more time tending to our own moral compass.
While I agree with some of what you said, I think in your case he was in a relationship with you for the financial/emotional support, and that’s what he might’ve referred to as “love”. Sounds like you were used, unfortunately. I hope you’ve moved on to someone that’s fully commited to you and not what you can provide.
I agree 100%.
Things become even more mired when a couple has kids involved. Being a child of a broken home, if I slept with a married man, gay or straight & the outcome of that caused the marriage to break up and in turn ended up hurting the kids, I would feel horrible. If you sleep with them and you didn’t know they were married it’s one thing. But if you know and it ends up destroying a family, then you’re just as much in the wrong as the one who cheated.
Cheating is cheating. I’ve been cheated on and it sucks. Single forever and coupled never!
Knowingly sleeping with a married guy is shitty, period
The problem in your relationship had nothing to do with whether a relationship “should” be closed to outsiders or not. The problem in your relationship is that you had one set of expectations (no sex with anyone else) and he had a different set of expectations (I can sleep with others as long as it’s just sex). The other issues – who supported whom – are incidental to that fundamental question.
If A and B want to enter into a relationship that’s closed to others, great. If C and D want to enter into a relationship that allows occasional (or regular) outside play, great. If either A and B, or C and D, want to enter into the legal contract of marriage to obtain its legal benefits (and incur its legal responsibilities), that’s great too. And if either A and B, or C and D, choose to skip the formalities of marriage for whatever reason, that’s great as well. And this is true for two men, two women, or a man and a woman.
The only important thing, in the end, is that both parties understand and agree to what’s going on. You say “cheating is cheating no matter who’s in the relationship” – which is true, IF it’s really cheating.
When a teacher gives a closed-book test, and you look in your book for answers, it’s cheating. When a teacher gives an open-book test, and you look in your book for answers, it’s not cheating. That doesn’t mean it’s not a “real” test.
The same is true in relationships. If A and B agree that it’s okay to sleep with outsiders – under whatever circumstances they agree upon – then it’s not cheating if one of them takes advantage of that agreement.
And as for your blanket statement “Being exclusive is what makes it a relationship”… who the fuck are you to define what a relationship is for the entire world? Your attitude is no different from the religious whackos who insist that a “real” marriage can only be between a man and a woman, because… it just is.
It’s certainly wrong to cheat. The problem is defining cheating. Some here would define cheating as any time someone in a relationship sleeps with someone else, regardless of the terms of that relationship. Cheating, it seems to me (and it seems OBVIOUS to me) is when a rule is broken.
What if his wife is OK with it? It happens.
Any time someone says “X, period”, a warning flag should go up. I don’t know very many things in the world that black and white.
Men, on a broad scale, really aren’t suited for monogamous relationships which has been proven over and over; after all look at this blog post questioning if it’s okay to nail married men.
Men just want to be able to sleep around and only get married because they are blackmailed, family-pressured, or simply buy into the “it’s what you’re supposed to do” concept.
The old, “I want my cake and eat it too” mentality is what really applies. Men want to be able to conform to societal norms yet still have their “freedom” to bed hop.
If you have to look outside your coveted relationship for a need/needs that are not being met at home, that’s something that should be addressed, at home, not with other people in their bedroom, at a motel, in a car, public bathroom, et cetera.
You can not say “oh it’s okay” for others to sleep around and rationalize it away simply because it doesn’t affect you directly, but then be horrifically appalled that you have been cheated on yourself.
Hypocrisy, like desperation, is something that most people should not wear like it’s the latest designer fragrance, but seem to do so anyway in massive quantities.
Finally a subject that hits a lot of nails on the heads!
I have been with my husband for almost 9 years now Legally married for 3 of them In July this year.
Had plenty of Know it all self-righteous bozo’s put their 2 cents in about our having profiles on Sites like ManHunt looking to have a bit of fun.
We openly say we are married and list each others profiles and know what is going on and looking for nothing more than a fun hook up. We never do it without the others permission and always share the info on where we are going for safety reasons because lets face it is hard to trust anyone now a days.
After you have been in a relationship for a while sometimes you need to spice things up to keep it fresh and maybe add a little more of a spark or fulfill a fantasy that the other is not willing to do. Or like in my case seek out a guy who likes to suck a load of cum down which my husband hates to do.
I / We understand you maybe looking for the guy that will marry you and grow old with you and hate the fact your still alone. You may resent the fact we go out looking for fun when we have each other but keep it to yourself. If your not interested JUST SAY NO THANKS! There is no need to push your opinions about it on either of us. We are not cheating on each other because nothing is hidden!
Maybe you lost a BF or a husband because you caught him cheating on you?! WHY DID HE CHEAT? Did you ever make him feel like he could come and talk to you about it before hand? If this is what someone needs to do to keep things alive in the bedroom and or feel good about themselves what is the issue if he ALWAYS COMES BACK HOME TO YOU? If there is true love, communication and understanding in the relationship and not all one sided there is not a single guy in the world that can take that love and relationship away from you! Chances are it will die because you held that love so close you smothered it till it died behind your back!
But in all honesty we do not condone a guy cheating behind someones back but it is not our place to judge them or pass sentence on them.
We tried the 3some thing for a while it sucked! Never found a guy that fit what we wanted. 80% lied said they were versatile and ended up being bottoms! The other 20% were into one of us more than the other and would even agree to a 3some just so they could meet the one they really wanted to get it on with.
So it was much easier to just do 1on1’s with a guy and come up with ground rules we could live with and not have Mr. Jealous show his ugly self.
Face it non of us Gay, Straight or Bi knows what is going on in someone else’s relationship or the reasons why and unless they want to say the whys on their own it is non of our business. Only thing you have to deiced is if you want to meet and get it on with them or not and or if they want you.
I met a guy once he loved his man to death and could not think of being without him. But his lover had cancer and needed an operation and could no longer perform as a top in bed. So once in a while he needed to find someone to take care of his needs that his lover could not do any more. Just a perfect example of why we have no room or reason to judge someone else in a relationship.
Evaluate, control and judge our own life and what you do or do not do, not someone else’s.
What if his wife can not stand having sex any more after she had kids?
So they guys should leave his wife and kids to fend for themselves just because he needs some sex once in a while?
Sorry you got cheated on but did he or she ever tell you why or did you give them a chance to say why?
I prefer a married straight man for a fuck buddy, they are not coming to me for what they can find at home anyway.
Well put MdSing
I hope no matter what happens down the road your at least happy with it!
Unfortunately Your Dad comes from a time when it may have been easier to Marry and have children than be who he really was or wanted to be.
I feel for you and your Mom but at the same time for your Dad because he had to live in fear of being found out and hide all that time.
I hope all of you get through this tough time in your lives!
Well said!
Sorry you were being used for your money!
I think that was grounds enough not to be in that relationship to be honest and should have dumped him a long time ago.
I know I ended one after 6 years being together when I figured out that the money and what I could buy meant more than I did. Never gave him the chance to step out on me he was packed and gone before I got the chance to look at and touch another dick.
I hope your next one is a lot more equal all the way around!
No your in the wrong if you know they are in a relationship and you go out of your WAY to be with them or fall in love with them and or make them fall in love with you! If you out them just so you can have them then your at fault!
What happened other wise is on him not you!
Awesome Michael and I have to say I have enjoyed reading a lot of your posts on several different subjects I have seen them on!
LOL Reminds me of something said in a movie once!
“Just once I wish I could hear about a Bi man that had to sneak out to cheat on his Male Lover with a women”!
Not sure that was exact but it is close anyways. From “Torch Song Trilogy”.
Thanks CT. I appreciate that. It’s a nice thing for you to say. 🙂
No problem at all it’s the truth!
Your objective and non judgmental and yet say what is on your mind and articulate in the nature of your posts.
Cheating is cheating if you get caught … if a man is going to cheat … who do you blame? the person he cheated with or the person that cheated? the only correct answer to that is both … reasoning for that being, the cheating man is at fault for cheating but it is more than likely that the person that they are cheating with didn’t try to stop it so they are just as guilty.
I don’t think it’s wrong, per say. The married man is the one in the wrong. He’s the one that said “I Do” not the guy he’s sleeping with on the side.
Thanks. You flatter me so. Apparently someone disagrees with you however as your comment got a down vote…oh I see both of them did. Ugh…haters gonna hate. 🙂
There, I’ve upvoted to all 🙂
Equilibrium restored.
As much as it shames me to admit, I cheated on my boyfriend with women.
(No, I won’t discuss the reasons, nor will I be bothered by snarky, shitty comments about me. I know I cheated, I admitted it and we’ve moved on with our separate lives. Live and learn).
At least you were mature enough to admit doing it DAK23 some guys would hide it till they were found out or caught.
These things that are posted are for us all and we all have a right to voice our opinions one way or another. I do not mind as long as it is constructive and not destructive in nature.
It is too easy to kick a guy when he is down and a lot harder to take the time to pick them up.
Never been with a gay (or str8) married man so hard to say but i would say
Str8 married man would be so much hotter… like the cheaters new porn 😛